Vacation woes

[Tiptoearoundkid]

Im divorced with a teenage boy and have been living with my boyfriend and his two teenagers (one boy 17 and girl 15) for the last seven years. The daughter has always hated me and moved to her mothers three months ago. We havent heard from her since unless she wants something. Shes even nasty to my boyfriend (her dad) by stating he is not her dad, but only a sperm donor. All i can say is drama, drama, drama when she is around. I recently booked a trip for my son, my bf, and his son, and myself.  Is it wrong of me to not include the daughter since she decided to leave our “family”?  I feel as though its a situation of damned if i include her and damned if i dont.

[SooSad33]

I can understand your side, as she moved out, then she's out.

But, you are not her parent.  Re; doing this 'booking', why isn't her father dealing with this at all?  IMO, it should be between him & her to decide. ( If he doesn't want her to be there, then is his choice not to invite her.. so, not your problem).

 

[Tiptoearoundkid]

Im paying for the trip myself, her dad does not work and he agreed he did not want to risk everyone being miserable. She does not follow any rules or has no respect for anyone and that includes walking out of school. Her mother believes in no rules or discipline. Plus i had stated that if any of the kids were failing school they would not be included…. She has a 62 gpa. So i guess im covered there, but dreading getting the backlash from her mother over not including the daughter

[SooSad33]

You should not have to answer to her mother.  The child went back to mom's?  This is YOUR relationship with the father only, honestly.

And, I don't see where YOU need to answer to their mother at all.  All should be between the parents of the kids here.

As for the daughter, it sounds a lot like she is really struggling ( lost) 😕 .. May be an idea to suggest to her dad that they consider getting her in for some therapy?  One of my sons was like this when he hit his teenage years.  Struggled with a real attitude & skipped school - his mental health was not good.

Teens can struggle a lot as they go through puberty, approach adulthood etc.  Often get overwhelmed on what to do and manage things. Decent, helpful guidance it good .. not judgement and discipline.  ( I once heard, as kids we raise them, as teens, we guide them).. As you learn, no matter what, they will find a way to argue, make it difficult and challenge you).

 

[Tiptoearoundkid]

We had therapy she made it to one session and hasnt been back since. 
 

[Wiseman2]

Leave her alone. You're not her mother.

Your BF needs a better coparenting dialogue with their mother and you need to raise your child your way and leave his kids alone. 

It sounds like you support your unemployed BF? That doesn't give you the right to dictate to his kids.

Likewise you and your son's father need a better coparenting arrangement.

Let this teen do what's best for her and that is getting away from you and your BF and living with her mother.

[Rose Mosse]

2 hours ago, Tiptoearoundkid said:

Is it wrong of me to not include the daughter since she decided to leave our “family”?  I feel as though its a situation of damned if i include her and damned if i dont.

It should be fine. She's distanced herself from you and moved out to be with her mother. Leave it the way it is and enjoy your vacation. Knowing the dynamics, brace for some issues but being as long as you have been with this family, find a way to respond without escalating the issue and defer to your boyfriend if there are questions from his daughter.

[Capricorn3]

Why is her dad not working?  You don't owe her mother any explanation. Her father should step up to the plate and discipline his kids.  Go on your vacation.  She moved out to live with her mother.  So be it.

[Tiptoearoundkid]

He is not working due to a brain aneurysm causing epilepsy and issues with short term memory.  So hes disabled

 

[MissCanuck]

4 hours ago, Tiptoearoundkid said:

dreading getting the backlash from her mother over not including the daughter

This is for her father to deal with. 

 

[Wise Wally]

Let me guess...  You are one of those women who likes to fix people? If so, it sounds like you have taken on the biggest project of your life thus far.  I'm sorry to say, I'm not confident in your abilities on this one.  I think you'd be better off trying to restore and old 68 Mustang.  

[boltnrun]

12 hours ago, Tiptoearoundkid said:

Im paying for the trip myself, her dad does not work and he agreed he did not want to risk everyone being miserable. She does not follow any rules or has no respect for anyone and that includes walking out of school. Her mother believes in no rules or discipline. Plus i had stated that if any of the kids were failing school they would not be included…. She has a 62 gpa. So i guess im covered there, but dreading getting the backlash from her mother over not including the daughter

Then the mother can take her on a vacation.

If her dad agrees with you he can deal with the backlash from her mom.

[Batya33]

53 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Then the mother can take her on a vacation.

If her dad agrees with you he can deal with the backlash from her mom.

Exactly what I was going to advise.  Good luck!