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Guest Anonymous
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If you went on a few dates with a guy (I'm a woman) you met on a dating app.

Everything seems normal. Nice dates. Good conversation. No red flags but this one thing....

His phone number (caller id) is his ex wife's name.

I asked him about it.

He said he was made aware of this by his mother.  He doesn't talk to his ex wife often and that is the obstacle to getting it changed.

He says he's embarrassed about it and I said I didn't like it either.  And maybe he could call the phone carrier to get it changed.

How long would you let it go before you bring it up again?

I think it could be a deal breaker for me.  Like seriously. I don't want to get calls from a potential new bf with their ex's name. 

But I do want to give him the chance to resolve this.  before I come across as unreasonable.... or am I being silly already? 

thanks in advance. I appreciate the opinions 

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it's how the number comes up, as in its not in my contacts yet. I could add his name and it would solve the name that comes up. You're right about that. 

But I feel if you're divorced, your phone should be in your own name. Not connected to your ex.

Could this be a bigger red flag. like he's holding on to the past..  

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35 minutes ago, Guest Anonymous said:

 I feel if you're divorced, your phone should be in your own name. Not connected to your ex.

Are they on the same phone plan? Does he live with his ex? How long are they divorced?

It's unclear why your phone would come up with her name. If he's not in your contacts (which you choose the name for) it would come up as 123-456-7890.

Back to your point, if you believe he's not over his ex, stop dating him.

 

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Some carriers will show name and number for caller i.d.  If her name shows up it means she is the account owner.  Now, if he (supposedly) doesn't see or speak to her that often, that indicates he is not paying her for his usage.  A grown man should be able to arrange and pay for his own cell phone.  What else is he unable to handle?

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6 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

it's how the number comes up, as in its not in my contacts yet. I could add his name and it would solve the name that comes up. You're right about that. 

But I feel if you're divorced, your phone should be in your own name. Not connected to your ex.

Could this be a bigger red flag. like he's holding on to the past..  

My dad originally set up the family's phone plan. At my favorite Thai restaurant, I come up as my father's name. This doesn't happen anywhere else, just at the Thai restaurant. I have next to no idea on how to get it changed. 

I wouldn't find tech issues to be a deal-breaker. However, if it bothered me, I would let my love interest know it bothered me and would ask them if they would take action to get the caller ID changed. 

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It sounds like you are looking for a reason to dump this guy.

When I retired recently I had to get my own phone plan since my work provided my cell for as long as I have had one.  Well I called my sisters house phone one day and the caller ID was some guys name that wasn't mine.  I called the cell company and it took 3 tries to get my name on the caller ID and get the last guys name that owned the number removed.

I think you are being silly.  Just put his number in your phone, if it doesn't work out it takes seconds to delete his contact. 

  Lost

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9 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

How long would you let it go before you bring it up again?

I would be more concerned about the bigger details such as when he was divorced and why he perceives getting it changed or updated an "obstacle". This would give me clues as to how he approaches issues or problems (very minor problems) in life. It may very well be a dealbreaker if he isn't able to solve simple problems or turns out to be a procrastinator. I don't have a lot of tolerance for procrastination. 

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17 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Are they on the same phone plan? Does he live with his ex? How long are they divorced?

 

I think it is a family plan. So yes. Same plan.

No. His ex lives in another state/time zone.

Officially divorced 2 years ago.

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15 hours ago, waffle said:

Some carriers will show name and number for caller i.d.  If her name shows up it means she is the account owner.  Now, if he (supposedly) doesn't see or speak to her that often, that indicates he is not paying her for his usage.  A grown man should be able to arrange and pay for his own cell phone.  What else is he unable to handle?

Good point.

I "think" he pays for it electronically... not her directly. 

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15 hours ago, SooSad33 said:

IF I'd add him to my contact list, I would put it in as his name.. But not until I know for sure he is worth it.

I dont think how the number is listed is much of a concern... yet.

You have only been on a few dates... you don't know enough about him yet.. right?

 

Also true... too soon to really know

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14 hours ago, melancholy123 said:

Maybe he's not actually divorced and he's living with her!  How do you know he's truly divorced?

True. I actually don't know for a fact. He's said she lives in another state. Where they lived together when they married.

He moved to my state this year. His family is here, as he is originally from here. 

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2 minutes ago, Wise Wally said:

Caller ID?  What is this, 1997? How about you guys ditch the landline phones and move into the 21st century (unless you are patiently waiting for Raj Patel to call and remind you about your expiring car warranty)?

Lol. I am talking about cell phones. They also have caller ID capabilities when a phone call is received from a number that is not saved as a contact.

I'm surprised that some people don't realize this or know what I'm talking about.  Maybe it's different based on the country you are in.

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My office's company comes up on caller IDs as the old service provider, and this is after 15 years of moving on with our own plan.  All those databases that mine data will use whatever data they have, and for Caller ID, will show what is is not system, not based on the who is paying for it.  I think you maybe grasping at straws in this case.  Just add him if you like him to your phone.  If not, move on.

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