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Everything went bad in one day, can I salvage our relationship?


triceps
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My girlfriend and I have been together about 4.5 months and we just got back from our first trip together a few days ago, which things went great. I left her place Sunday morning to mine as I needed to take care of my dog and things (we live 45 mins away). We had great sex that morning but she also just started her period that morning and she called me 2 hours after I was back at my place to complain about her really painful period cramps. I wanted to comfort her so I went to go see her and for her to let me know anything she would need on the way. I found 2 of the 3 three items for her, as the third was sold out, as well as some food to cook. She was lukewarm when I got to her place as I didn't bring her third item and I got food to cook that she didn't really want.

Things just kept going downhill. I walked a few blocks to the restaurant that had pumpkin cake she was craving, they didn't have it and I knew she wanted something sweet so I got her a brownie. She was upset that I got her something that I like and not something she wanted. We tried looking for dessert places open and we started driving to another place 20minutes away. She was really irritable in the car complaining about me not washing the inside and to cut in front of another driver, but I just stayed silent to avoid any further conflict. When we got to the place she didn't want to get out and wanted to go back home saying there was nothing I could do for her now and just to drop her off.

I felt really bad at my failed effort to comfort her and apologized over text that night. Today she responded and didn't take my apology well and brought up other issues. I tried addressing what she was upset with, but then she said she had enough and said she can't see herself continuing the relationship with me.

This is my first time seeing her on a bad day for her like this and I know I did everything wrong. I'm really falling for this girl and don't want to lose her, but it seemed like she just gave up on us in 1 day and thinks I always do things against her.

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I'm sorry, but all I see is an incredibly selfish and immature girl throwing a tantrum like a toddler.  She really needs to grow up (imo).  Does she always behave this way when she doesn't get what she wants?  How old is she?  Personally, if it were me, I would head for the hills so fast you wouldn't see me for dust.

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16 minutes ago, Capricorn3 said:

I'm sorry, but all I see is an incredibly selfish and immature girl throwing a tantrum like a toddler.  She really needs to grow up (imo).  Does she always behave this way when she doesn't get what she wants?  How old is she?  Personally, if it were me, I would head for the hills so fast you wouldn't see me for dust.

She's 28, foreign, and grew up in a wealthy family and always had rich boyfriends in her past, she's self-proclaimed spoiled and has been working on that. Last time she was upset was a couple weeks ago I forgot to bring a jacket for her to a restaurant that was too cold for her and she eventually got to where she said she needs space for a couple days to review our relationship.

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8 minutes ago, triceps said:

She's 28, foreign, and grew up in a wealthy family and always had rich boyfriends in her past, she's self-proclaimed spoiled and has been working on that. Last time she was upset was a couple weeks ago I forgot to bring a jacket for her to a restaurant that was too cold for her and she eventually got to where she said she needs space for a couple days to review our relationship.

Is she not capable of bringing her own jacket?  Yes, she's not kidding she's a spoiled brat. You sound like you're her slave/servant and she clearly treats you that way.  What I fail to understand is why on earth you allow her to treat you like garbage.  Why you stay.  Why you enable.  Seriously dude, only 4 months in and this is just nuts.  Cut your losses already and be done.  The sooner the better.

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22 minutes ago, Capricorn3 said:

Is she not capable of bringing her own jacket?  Yes, she's not kidding she's a spoiled brat. You sound like you're her slave/servant and she clearly treats you that way.  What I fail to understand is why on earth you allow her to treat you like garbage.  Why you stay.  Why you enable.  Seriously dude, only 4 months in and this is just nuts.  Cut your losses already and be done.  The sooner the better.

I know what you mean. She's foreign and her culture is very different where the men always take the lead and treat women well, but I shouldn't let it get to the point where she doesn't have respect for me. She was staying at my apartment that time and didn't have a jacket with her.

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OP, you did great. You tried to support and comfort your partner, and what did you get in exchange? Anger, tantrums, and "you're not enough" from your own damn GF!!!

Run dude. She's not a keeper. It doesn't matter if she's a foreigner: you did a great job and she made you feel unappreciated.

Huge red flag. Again: Run. Run. Run.

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This entitled and unreasonable behaviour will continue because a) she knows from past experience that it works and b) you allow it.  Sit her down and tell her that, in order for the relationship to work, she will have to take responsibility for her own needs because that's the way things are done in your country.  Tell her how her behaviour makes you feel.  If she cannot see the error of her ways or doesn't care how it impacts on you, then you know what to do.

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Judging by your previous theme about the same person(assuming because it was a month ago) its not "everything went bad in one day". The writing was already on the wall, your personalities dont match too well, she already asked you if its OK to see other people(well told you its OK if you want to see other people to be precise) and has sleepovers at another guys house. Combine that with "spoiled brat" syndrome and that is a buttload of issues for 4 months of relationship. She already wanted out, she just used the first manufactured crisis to get that out. Also, you didnt do anything bad, dont apologize just because somebody doesnt appreciate your effort. Also also, she already doesnt have respect for you judging by her actions. So just bow out of that.

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3 hours ago, triceps said:

She's foreign and her culture is very different where the men always take the lead and treat women well, but I shouldn't let it get to the point where she doesn't have respect for me

Stop with the guilt. You DID treat her well. She's the ungrateful spoiled lady here. She doesn't appreciate what you do.

Don't you believe you deserve better than that? A woman who reciprocates your effort? A woman who's loyal? (Thanks @Kwothe28 for pointing that out).

Get your feelings out of the equation, and see that this person is not the one for you. I'm sorry.

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You treat her like some special pedestal bound princess, and she treats you like her pet dog. Honestly, the sex can't be that good unless you enjoy being treated like this on a regular basis.

She's gaslighting you into thinking that you are the one in the wrong, and giving you a couple of days to think about what you've done wrong. No doubt she will then come back, suck you back in so she can get her narsisitic supply and have you grovelling at her feet again to make her feel special.

Don't take these couple of days for her to rethink this relationship, let her know right now that you are done and move on.

Edited by Keyman
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7 hours ago, triceps said:

I'm really falling for this girl and don't want to lose her

What's so great about her, OP? There are many women from wealthy families and they don't behave like this!  They have manners!

7 hours ago, triceps said:

She was really irritable in the car complaining about me not washing the inside and to cut in front of another driver, but I just stayed silent to avoid any further conflict. When we got to the place she didn't want to get out and wanted to go back home saying there was nothing I could do for her now and just to drop her off.

Please, as other posters have advised, do yourself a big favour and get rid of her. She is a nightmare! 

And btw where is YOUR self-respect that you allow yourself to be treated this way?

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I doubt anything you said or could have done would have resulted in an outcome that is any different. She has likely never had anyone teach her to be self-sufficient so she lacks any sense of satisfaction that comes from a life of entitlement and the silver spoon treatment. There is someone always doing something for her so how can she ever feel any sense of accomplishment or satisfied on her own? 

These are dealbreakers from the start. Pay attention to personality and character traits like this in a person. 

It would be good to explore why you are involved or feel you have to cater to someone like this. 

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I think you're lucky to get away from this woman. 

You did nothing wrong. You put a lot of effort and care into the whole thing. 

It's not your fault there are global supply chain problems and worker shortages.

You kept your cool, even though she was basically abusing you and being a total B word.

You deserve better.  

Find someone that appreciates you and your efforts. This constant jumping through hoops and the man takes care of everything is not a healthy relationship for you. This is not your culture.... You are not her parent. You need a partner. not a kid.

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You say you are falling for her? So I guess you have put everyone's advice/comments on mute. You are not having any of it am I right?

So she's having a hormone induced bad day. Those days, it wouldn't have mattered what you did, she would have something else to complain about. Your problem is, is that you let her get away with it, and you bent over backwards for her. If you want her to work on "changing the behavior" you better cut out being a doormat/push over. You want to win her love and respect, stop doing things for her like that. She can kick and scream, and you can give her the button. Then you can later explain you won't tolerate it. It will make her desire you more.

Edited by smackie9
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You could have done everything right, and I bet she would still whine and complain like a spoiled child. OP you deserve to be treated like a partner, not some fashion accessory, which you clearly are to her. She's not having a bad day, she's seeing what she can get away with and using her period as a weapon.

If you stop letting her run over you like pavement, then maybe you can reach some parity. But don't kid yourself.

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OP what you did wrong is act like a completely pathetic doormat and take on her happiness as your personal responsibility. This is truly one of those things where many people would find it hard to respect someone who is so quick to prostrate himself at their feet like...well....a doormat.

Her period is not your problem. Neither are her hormones or her cravings. It would be one thing if you happened to be nearby and could bring her something as a nice gesture. Quite another to drop everything and drive back for an hour to cater to the princess who clearly doesn't appreciate your very presence and then continue jumping through hoops and loops trying to please her as she flogs you.

You really need to take a huge step back and figure out what's driving your desperate need to please to the detriment of your own dignity and self respect. This relationship dynamic is all kinds of toxic.

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I am assuming this is the same girl from your last thread?

Why did my new girlfriend say she would understand if I want to see other people?

You did everything right and it still wasn't enough for her.  That is not good, not good at all.

So she had cramps.  That is no excuse for treating you like the hired help.  You are her bf not her servant but obviously she doesn't see it that way.

I am going to guess with pretty certainty that she is smoking hot with a killer body.  She is used to guys falling all over themselves for her and putting up with her childish behavior.  Then you add in she is a spoiled rich kid and you have a recipe for disaster for you.

  In my opinion she is doing you a favor by ending this.  Leave her alone and don't try and contact her.  Once her cramps and hormones level off I wouldn't be surprised if she contacts you, especially if you go silent on her and don't chase and beg like most men have done with her all her life.

Time to rethink this whole situation.  Step back and look at it as a bystander watching some poor guy try his hardest only to be verbally abused for that effort.

Lost 

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Yeah, she's nothing but a Big Pain!

She is not suitable for you.  You've been nothing but kind & supportive and she's plain disrespectful!

She's not worth all of this stress - has only been just over 4 months!

Be done with her.. Never let someone treat you so poorly.

She is toxic for you.  So, get out & away from her.

Find someone who's kinder than this and who DOES appreciate you.

 

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Thank you everyone. I really had to take a step back and see how poorly I've been treated. I have been really blinded because I've never connected physically with anyone better. I just let things slide too much and lie to her and myself by being silent, then our issues seem to all manifest at once.

You're all right, I have been too nice and a doormat. I don't plan on reaching out to her anymore, but I do have things we need to exchange as my laptop is at her place.

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She most probably did not want to have sex with you on the morning of her period, women rarely want that as they feel sore already several days before and espacially on the day. She did put out and may felt resentful for sacrificing for you, especially if you were too willing and pushing for it. 

She felt you owned her for her 'sacrifice' of putting out when she didn't want to, so she expected you to do a cut above when her tummy hurt. She obviously didn't feel your help was up a par, so in her mind you were ungrateful. 

This is how I think her internal dialogue went on. Not saying it's OK, her reaction, but you could also be more aware and sensitive to her female clock. 

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