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Need help handling sudden sadness


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Hi all,

I come here once again asking for your help, after my breakup, which I posted about before and you helped me a lot, I started working on myself, going to therapy and overall improving myself and loving myself, last 2 weeks I felt like never before, but yesterday, I was feeling so good, at the top of the mountain, I called my ex out of impulse, I thought that the call would not go trough because she would have me blocked, but I was surprised that she actually picked up, we had a good talk, updating each other, and then the call ended, after the call I was feeling awesome, I felt that finally I let go and I was on my way to a brighter future, then later that day, I got stuck in the city she lives due to rain and traffic, I tried to call her for some suggestion on where I could go to be safe during the night since I was stuck in the middle of nowhere, well this time she blocked me, I ended going to the nearest hotel and paid an expensive price, while I was there, the sadness started to come back to me, and today that I was finally able to come back to my house, I felt really bad, like all the thoughts that I had before when the breakup happened, came back rushing and it hurts really bad, so I want to know how to deal with these feelings, I know I still love her, but also I accepted that we are no longer together, I just don't know why I'm feeling again like this, I feel like all the progress I made is gone, and I'm back at square one.

Any tips on how to handle these feelings? Or, is feeling like this is "natural/expected"?

 

Thanks in advance for the help.

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8 minutes ago, Throwawayunicorn said:

I got stuck in the city she lives due to rain and traffic, I tried to call her for some suggestion on where I could go to be safe during the night since I was stuck in the middle of nowhere, well this time she blocked me, I ended going to the nearest hotel

Sorry this happened. No contact is best.

Clearly calling her when you're in town asking for a place to stay was over the top, but you know that. It's very easy to construe this as looking for a hookup.

 At least half the work is done when she blocked you. Now do your part and delete and block her and all her people from all your social media and messaging apps.

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Staying away from her and having no contact was helping you feel better. So why on earth did you think calling her was a good idea??

It's like someone who's on blood pressure medication and their blood pressure has been good so they stop taking it and then have a stroke.

The reason you were feeling better was because you were allegedly focusing on you instead of on how to win her back. But you really weren't if the first thing you wanted to do was contact her to "show" her how great you're doing so she would think about taking you back. Then you got over excited because she was polite to you, so you went way overboard thinking you had an opening to get back together. Which clearly was not why she was being polite.

Now you know.  Leave her in the past where she belongs and focus on you, for real this time. I promise, once you stop living in the past you'll start to have a much better life. And the sadness will go away too.

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39 minutes ago, Throwawayunicorn said:

we had a good talk, updating each other, and then the call ended, after the call I was feeling awesome, I felt that finally I let go and I was on my way to a brighter future, then later that day, I got stuck in the city she lives due to rain and traffic, I tried to call her for some suggestion on where I could go to be safe during the night since I was stuck in the middle of nowhere, well this time she blocked me

Like you said, you acted on impulse and I think it was like a slight 'high' that you got to talk with her again.

But, then you tried again... this time not so successful and that is what hurt.

Sorry you're hurt by this 'action', but best was to not reach out at all in order to keep moving forward.. Try to see this as a slight fall back and work through this moment. You will kick back into 'healing' again.

And yes, is expected... was just a 'weak moment'.  Remember what you said..."After the call I felt that I finally let go".

Is time to remove her number now.... right?

Keep moving ahead .. One day at a time.

 

 

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You gradually recover by getting busy.  You have too much time to obsess over her.  Become completely immersed in your job, concentrate on your physical and mental well being, focus on health and be kind to yourself.  Become a very productive and industrious person.  Then you won't have time nor energy to dwell and ruminate on your past. 

It takes time to recover from a breakup.  I've found that healthy distractions are good for one's soul.  Make a positive change for yourself.

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I would lean towards natural/expected. These are waves.. ride them and take it easy. Break ups are difficult and there will be set backs and days where you feel low or a little nostalgic. These fade over time. Be good and kind to yourself and don't fight it. Let it be. 

Like the others mentioned already stay busy and productive and whatever you feel, acknowledge, but let it go. 

Don't contact her anymore. If she contacts you don't respond. 

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