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Should I bail out before any harm is done?


quittingahead
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Started seeing someone I’ve know through an someone I used to know. After going out to a restaurant a got word from some folks that he has had a troubled past with money and relationships (taking money from his prior spouses). Also heard from a friend who was out with him and some other folks that he was bragging about his sexual conquests and talking about a woman’s breasts in the same room at the restaurant. He said the guy was acting like a jerk who was 16 instead of the 69 year old man he is.  I don’t think he’s broke but also don’t believe he’s totally financially secure and still works. It’s somewhat embarrassing to be seeing someone of 2 different ppl tell me to run not walk from him.  
I wasn’t sure what to do but thought maybe I should try to reach my own conclusions. Then I reconnected with someone I saw on one date a few years ago. He is a solid citizen and was divorced a few years ago but is on good terms with his ex (unlike the guy I’m seeing who vilifies his 2 ex wives and one of his sons). Also this new guy had an established legal career (I’m a lawyer too) is my age and just seems to be a good guy. 
I don’t want to lead anyone on but am tired of guys who have too much baggage. I have my life together. I’m a widow and financially secure. I’m 64 already and no time to waste or be disappointed. I do like the original guy but should I cut my losses now and focus on the new guy (new guy lives 50 miles away and current guy is down the street so that’s a factor)?

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2 minutes ago, quittingahead said:

It’s somewhat embarrassing to be seeing someone of 2 different ppl tell me to run not walk from him.  

Yes. Run. See what guy # 2 has in store, however you can get on some quality dating apps and still meet more local quality guys.

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11 minutes ago, quittingahead said:

Also heard from a friend who was out with him and some other folks that he was bragging about his sexual conquests and talking about a woman’s breasts in the same room at the restaurant. He said the guy was acting like a jerk who was 16 instead of the 69 year old man he is.  I don’t think he’s broke but also don’t believe he’s totally financially secure and still works.

Finances aside, are you impressed with an immature sexist man?

 

13 minutes ago, quittingahead said:

I wasn’t sure what to do but thought maybe I should try to reach my own conclusions. Then I reconnected with someone I saw on one date a few years ago. He is a solid citizen and was divorced a few years ago but is on good terms with his ex

Seems to be a good guy... ( did you know /date him before he ended up married & now divorced?  If so, you have no idea of his stability nowadays either) People change...

 

15 minutes ago, quittingahead said:

am tired of guys who have too much baggage. I have my life together. I’m a widow and financially secure. I’m 64 already and no time to waste or be disappointed. I do like the original guy but should I cut my losses now and focus on the new guy (new guy lives 50 miles away and

Sadly, as we get older you will most often come across MANY with baggage.  Look at the years of experiences & damages 😕 .

Nooo on the original guy.. Why, in your right mind would you want to be around someone like this?  He's yuck.

And do not see it as  necessary to see this ( between 2 men) re: something like distance - location.

Neither of them may be right for you.

How about join dating site.. or look up "local singles groups' for your area?  I made a few friends that way! 🙂 .

Never feel you have to 'settle' for whatever gives you attention.  Take it slowly,, see how they measure up to YOU.. self respect and time ❤️ .  Know what YOU deserve.

 

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1 hour ago, quittingahead said:

unlike the guy I’m seeing who vilifies his 2 ex wives and one of his sons

That alone should be enough to come to your own conclusion. People who still villify their exes are usually not good people by themselves. Even worst when they talk about their marriages and mothers of their kids and kids themselves. So yes, run.

Dunno about the other guy. 80 kilometers is not that much but its still distance. Though I do have a nice neighbour around your age that met some nice guy in around that range.  But she transfered to live with him. So, keep that in mind and if you maybe want or dont want to relocate if it goes well. That should be a huge factor.

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1 hour ago, quittingahead said:

It’s somewhat embarrassing to be seeing someone of 2 different ppl tell me to run not walk from him.  

1 hour ago, quittingahead said:

the guy I’m seeing who vilifies his 2 ex wives and one of his sons

Between the 2 people warning you about him and the giant red flags he has raised about vilifying his ex's AND his own child....you should be sprinting for the nearest exit. This man is some serious bad news. 

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2 hours ago, quittingahead said:

. . .  the guy was acting like a jerk who was 16 instead of the 69 year old man he is.  I don’t think he’s broke but also don’t believe he’s totally financially secure and still works. It’s somewhat embarrassing to be seeing someone of 2 different ppl tell me to run not walk from him.  
I wasn’t sure what to do but thought maybe I should try to reach my own conclusions. 

Unfortunately age is no measure of maturity.

Normally I'd recommend reaching your own conclusions but if more than one person is telling you the same thing I'd think there is something to it.  And being in my mid-50s I get not wanting to waste time and/or deal with baggage and disappointments.

I'd also add to not "pick" someone just because they're close and convenient.  Fifty miles isn't far at all especially if it turns out to be someone that you like.

And finally, good for you for (presumably) meeting people on your own and not delving into the online dating app cesspool!

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12 hours ago, quittingahead said:

I wasn’t sure what to do but thought maybe I should try to reach my own conclusions. 

It's possible his lack of judgment, strange moods, regression and odd behaviors are due to early signs of dementia.

Don't sign up for that.

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My default is to reach your own conclusions.  With an exception - the exception is when you hear facts about the person that you’re darn sure aren’t idle gossip or rumors.  I declined a date once with a guy who I googled and learned he’d been accused of white collar crime and when I met a pathological liar through a dating site I spread the word around - only to learn my friend also had met him and experienced the same.  
I met many many fine men through dating sites - just some not so fine 

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