girlfriend 23f seems distant and avoidant lately to me (22M)

[RosherDocks]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 8 years now. We have a pretty normal relationship not really a lot of fighting or disagreement. She's amazing and i love her and don't question anything she's doing. For the past three weeks beginning today she has been extremely distant though. She's started sleeping on the couch at night, pretty much doesn't come around me during the day except for a hug or kiss maybe once before she goes to work, and the contact between her and our pets (rats {they live in the same room as us}) has diminished to the same point. Her routine after she gets off work at night is usually to come home and lay in bed with me. She's been working with her bestfriend/manager for a couple months now and she carpools with her so she would usually get off around 11 and be home around 12. Around a week ago she started staying out late till about 3-4 in the morning with the friend and started coming home drunk; just for context her friend also has a very young child to take care of. It didn't seem like a huge deal the first time but its been happening more frequently. She's started coming home to in different outfits then what she left for work in, and I just recently noticed she's also been taking shower supplies to work as well. I really started to question what was going on when, about a week and a half ago she asked me if she could go help this friend fill her tire with air at 1 in the morning (just seems a very weird time and doesn't make sense to come pick someone up if your tire is low on pressure already). I personally don't understand how her friend has the time to take care of herself between work, taking care of her child, and carting my girlfriend around all day who knows where. I don't know why it seems like she's avoiding me, maybe she's not, maybe I'm just thinking too much i have pretty severe ocd so i do tend to think on things way more than I should.

Guess im just not sure how to confront her on this or even if i should.

i haven't had a chance to talk to her yet but I've talked to a couple of my friends that have her added on tiktok and snapchat. She's started posting videos in her bra grabbing her breasts or in her underwear and its very obvious. She also says in her bio she's bisexual and its not on any of her other social medias. A couple months ago i had heard from her that she was talking to other people about making a sexy tiktok or Instagram. I found out from trolling a guy off of her snapchat that was trying to get in her pants.

**TL;DR; : My girlfriend of 8 years has been sleeping in a different room and staying out till 3-4 in the morning and comes home drunk. She has weird reasons for leaving the house and things just dont add up. I now think she's cheating but don't want to confront and start a fight.

[Capricorn3]

Basically you have been dating since you were 14 years old.  I can't help but get the impression that she has outgrown the relationship but hasn't got the guts to call it quits.  I could be wrong of course, but to me that's how it looks.  Maybe time for you to have a talk and ask her how she really feels about the relationship, because right now, it looks like she has one foot out of the door already.

[MissCanuck]

What is your question, exactly?

This woman is done with your relationship. She just hasn't told you yet. 

[RosherDocks]

45 minutes ago, Capricorn3 said:

Basically you have been dating since you were 14 years old.  I can't help but get the impression that she has outgrown the relationship but hasn't got the guts to call it quits.  I could be wrong of course, but to me that's how it looks.  Maybe time for you to have a talk and ask her how she really feels about the relationship, because right now, it looks like she has one foot out of the door already.

No your probably right. I plan on talking to her tonight i just wanted to see if it sounded like cheating to anyone else before i just start throwing claims in her face irrationally. 

[RosherDocks]

5 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

What is your question, exactly?

This woman is done with your relationship. She just hasn't told you yet. 

Im not sure myself. I just want to see if it sounds like cheating to anyone else. Or if others think her behavior is normal. I can pretty much tell at this point that shes probably not interested in the relationship anymore.

[catfeeder]

I would consider seeking legal advice to learn my best options to protect my assets and protect myself from any debt that is not mine. I'd also learn best way to either evict GF from the home or leave the home.

This doesn't mean that you 'must' do any of these things, but learning your options is your best bet.

GF sounds 'done' with hiding that she's checked out of the relationship, and I'm so sorry you're suffering this.

 

[DarkCh0c0]

Hard to tell if she's cheating, or simply going through a phase where she's outgrown the relationship and wants to have a lot of fun.

Don't go in with the mindset that she's cheating. Keep the conversation open and see where it'll lead.

I'm sorry man. It happens at this age. People change.

[Kwothe28]

Oh yes, she is cheating. Sleeping on couch, staying out of work until late, going out until late with "friends", taking shower supplies, she is spending her time at somebody else place.

8 hours ago, RosherDocks said:

I personally don't understand how her friend has the time to take care of herself between work, taking care of her child, and carting my girlfriend around all day who knows where.

Because, its not her friend she spends her time with. Friend is just an excuse for you. 

Confront her, but fair warning, cheaters dont usually out themselves. So she will probably be dodgy about it and gaslight you. Nevertheless, this should be enough for you to just leave

8 hours ago, RosherDocks said:

i haven't had a chance to talk to her yet but I've talked to a couple of my friends that have her added on tiktok and snapchat. She's started posting videos in her bra grabbing her breasts or in her underwear and its very obvious. She also says in her bio she's bisexual and its not on any of her other social medias. A couple months ago i had heard from her that she was talking to other people about making a sexy tiktok or Instagram. I found out from trolling a guy off of her snapchat that was trying to get in her pants.

 

because there is clearly something going on with her

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, RosherDocks said:

 I found out from trolling a guy off of her snapchat that was trying to get in her pants.

How long have you lived together? 

You've been dating since you were 14?

Trolling is not the answer.

[Honeycomb8]

Sorry but she's definitely cheating on you. 😐

 

Time to break up. 

[MissCanuck]

11 hours ago, RosherDocks said:

I just want to see if it sounds like cheating to anyone else.

Yes, it sounds like it. 

11 hours ago, RosherDocks said:

Or if others think her behavior is normal.

It's not normal, no. 

It sounds like she is lining up her next boyfriend until she finally breaks up with you. And even if she isn't cheating, she is definitely over your relationship anyway. 

[smackie9]

She may or not be cheating, but the writing is on the wall she wants out and to move on.