Am i a mug??

[Misses17]

Hey Guys!  i need advice, so I've been seeing this guy who has split up with his partner they have a child together but he just seems to be running around after her all the time, and everytime i mention it i get it thrown back in my face and in the wrong to question it. I understand he has to be their for his child but seriously!
Few examples, everytime he goes shopping he asks her if she wants anything, not just for the kid but for her aswel, this includes takeaway etc and he even delivers it!
Never asks me if i want anything!
I hurt myself and thought i had broken a bone, needed an xray, never once offered to help me was too busy working, i went into hospital and the day after he gets in touch to say hello, but his ex partner goes into hospital he dropped her off at the door, picked her back up and took her back to his house to look after her! I didn't get that treatment! 
And another thing she lets herself in his house when he isn't there.. i know this as a friend lives near. Not to mention he allows her to come for tea and lets her use his shower etc He claims that he wants to be with me but currently can't fully commit as he doesn't want to upset his kid which i kind of understand but when i question him about why he's still running around after his ex he can never give me a straight answer and frankly im sick of being treated like a mug. He just can not see how much it upsets me or why it would? Am i in the wrong? And i a mug? 😪

[smackie9]

Deal breaker....I would have dumped him ages ago. Come on now, you have more self worth than that right? You deserve better. He is not worth your time. Kick him to the curb already!

[Wiseman2]

14 minutes ago, Misses17 said:

And another thing she lets herself in his house when he isn't there.. i know this as a friend lives near.

he allows her to come for tea and lets her use his shower etc 

How long have you been dating?  Does he have scheduled visitation? Does he pay child support?

Unfortunately he treats you like a third wheel/mistress.

No one takes shower's in someone's home 'just because'.

End it. He doesn't respect you or your relationship.

[smackie9]

This guy has no boundaries, that speaks volumes.

[Kwothe28]

Had to google because I wondered why do you think you are a cup lol

At the very least he has a very "simp" relationship with his ex wife. That means that even though they arent married he still grants her every wish like they are married. Probably in hopes of her taking him back. I wouldnt say you are a fool because maybe nothing is going on. But I do agree that in the situation where you know how he treats her and doesnt offer even a part of that nice behavior to you, you dont have nothing to do there. If you see that people are capable of being like that for somebody else and not for you, that means that they will just not do it for you. And that alone should be enough for you to leave him to fawn over his ex wife and find somebody who will treat you better.

[melancholy123]

What is wrong with you that you allow yourself to be treated this way?  He is so obviously hung up on her and definitely not over her.  This is sick.  You need to kick his sorry butt to the curb and find a guy who is well and truly available as this guy is not.

[Andrina]

You don't try to talk sense into someone like this. You observe how someone behaves--inappropriate boundaries with an ex, uncaring when you are physically hurt, and then you act accordingly. People with a healthy self-worth don't put up with this BS. I'm not getting why you don't walk away when you've witnessed this instead of sticking around for more of the same and thinking he'll improve just because you've asked. Doesn't all this show he doesn't care about you and so why would he care what you think?

[DarkCh0c0]

Okay. His words are saying one thing, and his actions are totally not matching up. You've had enough time and proof to see that he's still involved with this woman and treats her as if she's still his wife. You're just an extra now for attention and sex most probably (sorry, it hurts).

Solution: end it and block him everywhere. Find single men who have been long out of a relationship, and work on your self-worth. You deserve an available and loving man. He isn't the one you thought he'd be.

[Batya33]

So this begins and ends at you wanting information from a friend who sees her go into his house.

 If it’s gotten to the point where either you’re asking a friend to spy on your boyfriend or stooping to the level of listening to information like this (because obviously if you trusted your boyfriend you’d tell this friend “I don’t need to know anything about who enters his home - I’ll ask if I need to know like if I’m worried he is ill or in danger “ - just  this tells me this is an unhealthy interaction you have with this person.

His personal interactions with her go far beyond what’s in the best interests of his child.  He interacts with his ex because he wants to.  He gets pleasure and positive results from being around her.  Nothing to do with his responsibilities as a father.  

[Capricorn3]

Going by his behaviour it doesn't sound like they have "split up".  OP, right now you are just a side piece, a little bit of fluff to boost his ego.  It's pretty obvious what you should do.

[SooSad33]

9 hours ago, Misses17 said:

He claims that he wants to be with me but currently can't fully commit as he doesn't want to upset his kid which i kind of understand

Action over words, is clear he is not over her.

Not wanting to upset his kid?  They are apart so ALL need to accept this.

With all he's doing, he may as well still be with her.. not be dating others!

How long have you been involved with the guy?  ( IMO, if less than a year and not long after their BU, you're a rebound) .. and no, don't expect much, especially any support re: your injury.  He's not that into you.. sorry 😕 .

 

[MissCanuck]

He's still hung up on her, clearly. 

I would get rid of him. His heart and mind are not with you at all. 

[Misses17]

Thanks guys, i know in my head i need to tell him to do one. It's not fair how he treats me, i have very little self confidence as it is any way and the way i get treated just makes me feel even worse about myself.

I don't get my friend to spy on him she just tells me what she has seen. Sometimes it's best not knowing as they say ignorance is bliss.

He was the one that wanted to leave but didn't have the heart to do it so she ended up leaving him as it wasn't working but yet they are still so involved and i feel that it isn't normal.

We have been on and off for about a year but i know i deserve better. 

[Wiseman2]

Just now, Misses17 said:

. Sometimes it's best not knowing as they say ignorance is bliss.

Unfortunately what you are describing is far from bliss.

You're not happy and with good reason. The sooner you end it the sooner you can find decent men.

[Andrina]

2 hours ago, Misses17 said:

i have very little self confidence as it is

Don't date again until you build this up. Read books and articles on how to do so, and/or seek therapy. If you don't love yourself, you will keep attracting toxic predators and accept them as you subconsciously think that's all you deserve. Take care.

[Batya33]

3 hours ago, Misses17 said:

Thanks guys, i know in my head i need to tell him to do one. It's not fair how he treats me, i have very little self confidence as it is any way and the way i get treated just makes me feel even worse about myself.

It's more crucial here that it's not fair how you are treating you.  And how you're showing people how to treat you by how you react to this sort of treatment.

[HeartGoesOn]

I find it sad that you can't see right through this, or more than likely you're in denial.   It may be helpful to attempt to raise your value, and/or seek professional help.

At this point you're selling yourself short by allowing him to treat you this way.

[boltnrun]

Trying to force this relationship to work isn't going to make your self confidence any better.

I'd wager once you choose to get away from him your self confidence will improve exponentially.