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We told each other we loved each other. But...


BetYouImAlone
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This is somewhat a relationship situation I've been involved in...

Okay so me and her met June 25th, 2021 on the bus, I got her email, went home and celebrated that I had a girls email and all that. So an hour later she emailed me back and we emailed back and forth that evening. Next day we met up downtown and walked to get coffee then back to my place. We had talked on the phone daily up until 3 nights ago. We love coffee so each time we hung out would be coffee and always talking. I would joke around with her and what not too. She would be concerned for me too at times when I presented my concerns. 

We had sleepovers at her place, with no sex eh? I often wondered when her and I would have sex. She would tell me, "I am not gonna have sex with you." Multiple times she had said that, I respected her decisions each time. We would kiss and cuddle at night and what not too. She would tell me she loved me through text many times and on the phone and in person we hung out.

But this past Wednesday evening she cancelled on me last second with a not good enough reason why she would not discuss it with me. So we talked on the phone about it, she said her "friend" said something to her that upset her, and she ended the phone call saying we would talk the next day. She then tells me her guy friend upset her. 

So here is what I think, that I was the guy that was caught in the middle of drama in which I wanted no part of it. She then tells me last night that her guy friend would not date her and that she loves me instead. So was I the guy that was to be her last choice? She does know I take my studies very seriously and I am a goal orientated man who studies hard and when I get my degrees in February 2022 I can have a career of my choice and buy nice things for myself and her potentially if I felt like it. So Thursday morning before she can exhaust her ways to get a hold of me, I texted her a lengthy text saying that I am ending the relationship with her. I thought to myself of what a relief it was to have ended that relationship. I still think if I answer the phone and actually talk to her, it won't be the same to commit to her again, and a sexless relationship is not something I would not want to be apart of. 

Am I a coward for ending the relationships on my assumptions and gut feeling? She said she was not lying to me, but I would have to deny her, being on "camping trips" randomly. There are a number of suspicions I did have about her behaviour at times, like going to meet a "guy friend" and have lunch with him at a restaurant and what not, to be honest I fell out of love with her and I can't go back. I then saw some gorgeous women who have been checking me out lately and I might want to pursue more than one woman at the moment with the possibility of landing a quality relationship. I just hope this ex girlfriend of mine just forgets about me and moves on, as I've done the same to her without any much backlash.

I am glad to be single again, 4 days before I met my ex girlfriend, I swore off dating and relationships for myself. Am I willing to do it again? Not necessarily full blown "swear it off" and never do it again, but I realized I want someone I can have a healthy relationship where I am not denied sex. 

If she was not going to sleep with me, does the mentioned guy she had an argument over the phone with could he have been having sex with her and not me?

I am glad I did not have sex with her if she was having sex with a different guy while with me. 

I am also still thinking of the women I did not have while I was with her and could now get with. So yeah, let me know your thoughts.

I am going to email the woman who was playing with her hair yesterday during a zoom conference as we spoke about issues. 

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Okay, maybe you should slow things down a little?

You are ready to email another woman now... and after this encounter with your short term ex and with you 'thinking' to swear off women?

What's with all of this?

Why did you feel you should stop getting involved?  And then actually kinda get into one... be rejected and want to jump into something with a new one, so fast?

As for you & the ex being 'in love'. It was not that.  Was more like a strong liking... lust kinda thing.  Real love develops over time.  But, you came to see she was not 'in love' with you.

IF someone is truly in love, they will take the time to continue getting to know you and be into it all completely... not with some guy hanging in the shadows , as you assumed she had a thing with someone else.

 

Anyways, how about slow it all down with expectations and take it easy for a while. So you don't get caught up in another woman & end up with possible uncertainties again.

 

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Yes. Delete and block her from all your social media and messaging apps.

You were in the friendzone. Now you've been demoted to male-girlfriend, where she tells you about her guy troubles.

Forget this. Picking up women on busses may not be the best approach.

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6 hours ago, BetYouImAlone said:

If she was not going to sleep with me, does the mentioned guy she had an argument over the phone with could he have been having sex with her and not me?

Could be. You were not neccesserely the last choice. But you were indeed second choice there. Somebody to fill in attention. While some other(maybe even married) guy fills her other needs. When he blew her off then your offer was better. Dont question your decision too much, here you made the right one.

Also, I am sorry, but you are all over the place. Get your head in order so that you can meet and attract some other girl that will not just keep you there for attention.

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9 hours ago, BetYouImAlone said:

But this past Wednesday evening she cancelled on me last second with a not good enough reason why she would not discuss it with me. So we talked on the phone about it, she said her "friend" said something to her that upset her, and she ended the phone call saying we would talk the next day. She then tells me her guy friend upset her. 

I think it's fine to have romantic sleepovers with no intercourse if it's because the person isn't ready to have intercourse and is honest about it as she was.  But her reason was because it seems she's really into another guy and you were a placeholder at best.  So I think you are right to end things (if that's the status now - I'd also cut off contact with her and not be one of her guy-pals).

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She took you for a test drive while the guy she really wanted was jerking her around.  You got what she got from this guy friend.

First off you were not in love that soon.  I think you were in love with the idea of being with her but it wasn't true love.  Slow your roll on the whole love thing in your mind and saying it to someone.

You seem to swing from one extreme to the other rather quickly.  Is this the way you handle most situations?  Take a breath and give yourself time to heal before making these decisions like swearing off dating or what ever.

You were being jerked around so yes you did the right thing.  Next time you will see it sooner now that you are wiser.  Take it slower next time and keep your eyes open.

Lost

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