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My girlfriend blocked me after I tried to comfort her because her aunt passed away


Toriii1604
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Hey, I've been in a long-distance relationship with my girlfriend for about four months now and we will most likely see each other in one or two weeks when college starts. The thing is, she's been ignoring my messages and becoming more and more distant the past few weeks. This has already happaned like two months ago and during that period I was really worried that something might have happaned to her so I kept asking her if she was ok.  She didn't really reply. After one or two weeks she finally told me that there was some stuff going on with her brother and her parents which upset her which is why shes been so cold. She apologized and said that she shouldn't have treated me that way to which I replied that it was ok because shes been dealing with stuff. Recently she started ignoring me again and I thought that she became kinda spoiled because I've never really let her know that her behavior sometimes really bothered and since its the second time this was happening I kinda had enough. I send her a message asking her to take this relationship more seriously and stop ignoring me because this way I'm always the one running after her and not knowing whats going on. I also added that if something was up with her she could tell me and we could talk about it and it would be fine but unfortunately she did not take that message too well...

Basically, she responded with a very long and very bitter message saying that her aunt had been diagnosed with cancer and passed away recently which made her very depressed and that all her friends have been asking me why she hasnt replied and that she has to pretend to be happy all the time. She also said that she knows that shes ignoring me and that its her fault and that shes just a selfish person.

I tried to reply with the most appropriate message possible and started by apologizing for my angry tone in my previous message and told her that it's fine if she wants to step away and take some time since she probably needed some more space. Then I explained that I know how she feels because my father passed away two years which also really tore me apart. I wanted to let her know that I can probably empathize and told her the story of me and my dad and my experience when he passed away and that she could talk to me about it if she wanted but, again, she didn't take that message too well...

Her one and only response was blocking me on snapchat (which we mostly used these past few weeks to talk instead of our main messaging app LINE)

It's been four days since this happaned and I have no idea what to do now. She has not contacted me through LINE or anything else to explain why shes acting this way and I don't think that she will any time soon. I don't know if I should keep quiet and wait for her to come find me or message her myself, trying to get her to explain whats going on. I'm afraid that she'll just block me there too and I still want this relationship to continue since I believe that this would not have happaned if we weren't a long distance couple. Maybe she thinks that by telling her my story about me and my dad I'm just trying to draw the attention to me, and afterwards I saw that I probably embedded too many emotions and details but this is not what I was trying to do at all...I've really tried my best to do everything right in this relationship and now I'm just lost. Did she indirectly tell me that we're broken up now by blocking me? I could really use some advice because I'm really scared and dont know what to do. Thanks 

😞

 

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49 minutes ago, Toriii1604 said:

She also said that she knows that shes ignoring me and that its her fault and that shes just a selfish person.

Here's a good rule: ANY time someone tells you they are selfish and inconsiderate, believe them.

She knows she's hurting you.

She's selfish.

Don't make excuses and try to minimize that ugliness. You're only hurting yourself. People like her will never change.

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Sorry this happened. It seems like she's dating/met someone locally but didn't have the decency to end it.

Excellent she deleted and blocked you. Do the same and forget her.

When you get back to campus feel free to date all the girls you want.

 

 

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2 hours ago, Toriii1604 said:

Maybe she thinks that by telling her my story about me and my dad I'm just trying to draw the attention to me, and afterwards I saw that I probably embedded too many emotions and details but this is not what I was trying to do at all..

Dont make excuses like this for people who dont really feel empathy toward you or probably anyone else. You offered her a shoulder to cry and she just ignored you and blocked you at the end. That is your que that its over and that you should move on. Dont contact her and dont see her when you get back to college. That person does not deserve your attention anymore.

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As mentioned... she knows her behaviour and what she is doing.

She's gone cold, she's giving reasons/excuses, etc.  And has now blocked you?

Then you walk away.  Anyone who treats you like you do not matter, take that to heart and give them NO more options to do it again.

I am sorry for this going on and for loss of your father 😞 .

Sometimes, things happen and do hurt us...

Leave her be now... focus on YOU and do not chase.

Is for the best.

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Your father passed away so how can you not know what is going on or infer the kind of grief she feels? I agree with you that her history of clamming up has added to your anxiety but you are incredibly clingy and needy as well. I would read the series of events as her edging away from you because you are too desperately needing affirmation and confirmation of details going on in her life. 

The way I see it is this: four months is not long and you both haven't had enough time to get to know one another and observe one another or your habits and ongoings as a long distance rl. In future give a person more time to show you the kind of person they are before latching on so tightly. When someone is grieving give them space. Don't respond with angry texts as impatient or upset as you are. Hold on those responses and save it for your observation file, whatever you want to call it. Put it away for now and give that person space. 

You are seeing her when college starts again so what is the big hurry too? Dial this way back, focus on school, get your materials in order, make sure you know your schedule and timetable well and chat with other friends. If she wants to reach out to you, she will reach out. Otherwise, meet other women on campus. 

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She's giving you the old, "It's not you it's me" song and dance. She's doing everything in her power to make herself unattractive to you, hoping you will give up and dump her. She's not saying it directly but she wants to breakup. Why? don't know, and you may never know.

Just leave her alone and move on.

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One of the most important life lessons to grasp early is that people react to circumstances differently.

We can't project ourselves into another's shoes to claim that we understand them, or worse, that we can fix them into responding as WE wish.

When I encounter someone going through a difficulty, I adopt my most gentle approach to let them know that I care, and I'm available to help--or to back off--whichever they prefer, AND that they can change their mind about their preference at any given time. I'm here.

Then I shut up. I listen to them.

If their responses is silence, I listen to THAT. I don't try to coax or cajole a different response from them. I might send a card or message or gift, but I won't word it with an expectation of a reply.

You get to decide for yourself whether to keep someone in your life who has a coping style that makes you unhappy, OR whether, for your own head, you'll want to pull away.

Sometimes pulling away can be temporary. It can be your way of allowing their pull-away to just 'be'. If they change their mind and want to seek you out, you can decide whether you'll want to re-open that bridge.

No choice you make for YOUR SELF is wrong. Projecting expectations of another person onto that choice is what will drive you nuts--so don't so that.

Head high, and write more if it helps.

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