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What should I do, help please


Crazyz
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about a year ago while on a trip I met a guy and  i didn't really want anything serious I didn't took things too seriously , I thought is just someone I met for fun and maybe never going to see eachother again, I came back to my hometown and we kept contact , things keep getting better and better and we saw each other in person 2 more times, and we fall for eachother ,the issues is that when we first  I met him I lied  about my age and for some stupid reason and my insecurities I told him I was 28 years but I was actually 30years old ,and he was 29 years old , since than I felt really bad about it and at the beginning I  kept telling my self that this relation is long distance and it will end eventually and I wouldn't have to tell him anything, but we kept talking and we saw eachother 2 time more in person and he it's very serious  and we are so much into eachother but the fact that I lied keeps bothering so much but just can't tell him that I lied I m so scared of losing him and disappointing him and ruining are relation .

He told me trust is the most important things in a relation to him and he doesn't  tolerate lies so I got so scared and it gives me anxiety , 

Now my birthday is coming very soon and I'm turning 31years old he want me to go to his hometown and spend it with him, he insist on it  but I know one of his family members or friend will eventually ask about my age and this will come out and I'm so afraid, I feel is going to be a disaster not just im going to  have to reveal that on my birthday while in his house on a trip to see him, and maybe in the  presence of others too, and I don't even know how is he going to react, we never had a big fight or argument before .

do I keep making excuses to why I don't want to spend my birthday with him. I want to see him in person again, and he knows I got time off work for my birthday.  And  I really want to go spend it with him but I m sure the age question will come and I m just so afraid and embarrassed .  I try to through hints at him by telling him that I'm the same age as are friend X( name her X for this post and she is turning 31 soon too) but he just didn't get the hint .           I don't know what to do if I should tell him directly before my birthday but scared he will break up with me immediately, or  take the risk and go see him and I don't know what to answer when the question about my age come out and I don't want to keep laying anymore or spend  my birthday in my town and tell him later about my age and loose the chance to see him in person ?.

I  feel like a horrible person,I wish I can take it back, I m so scared from hurting him, he will be very dispointed in me and I don't want that, I  can't sleep from the stress this causing me and I know nothing justifies my stupidity and what I did. Please help!

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Apologize humbly and sincerely.  Explain why you lied.  Say, "I'm sorry .  .  . "  Hopefully, he'll forgive you. 

Forgive does not mean forget, condone nor trust easily again.  You have to rebuild trust by being an honest, truthful person.  Be all in with integrity and be the type of moral lady you feel comfortable looking at in the mirror every morning.  Be prepared.  Rebuilding and earning new trust again takes a long time as in many months or sometimes years.

Either he'll prevent risking future possible lies by breaking up with you or he'll give you second chance so you can prove to him that you can be a changed, trustworthy person. 

The longer you postpone telling him the truth, the more likely he'll break up with you.  It's better to be quick.  Get it over and done with.  Remain realistic.

Live and learn.  I've found that lying creates future hot messes.  It's better to tell the truth. 

Deception and betrayal of trust is a terrible thing.  Naivete is no more.

Try not to fear nor predict the future.  He has to realize that everyone makes mistakes and I'm sure in some ways, he's not a perfect angel himself.  Learning to forgive is a huge part of the healing process for both of you.  He has to learn to forgive if he wants to keep you in his life.  After you confess, explain why you lied, humbly and sincerely apologize.  Express your sincere regret and remorse to him.  He should give you a second chance if he thinks you're extra special in his life.  Since your offense is not on par with something more serious such as cheating, stealing and you have a conscience to make an immediate wrong right, hopefully he'll have compassion and he himself can do the right thing as well.  

I usually look at the offense.  If it's a minor offense and sincere, humble amends are attempted early on and immediately, I tend to forgive and moving on is the mature way to go. 

As long as you've since learned how to be honest with yourself and others from this day forward, you still have a nub of chance for patching things up and starting anew with a clean slate.  

See how this goes and then take it from there.   

I hope you're ok with traveling to his hometown.  It's odd how insistent he is for you to travel long distance to see him as opposed to his traveling at least halfway to see you for your birthday celebration.  Be safe during your travels. 

Don't fret too much.  Usually, a humble apology tends to work in your favor if the offense was minor.  Chin up.  You'll be okay! 

 

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