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What a jerk


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I started a fulltime job about 6 weeks ago . I get home between the hours of 6:00 and sometimes 7:30  He was pissed off that I was putting laundry away and not heating up his dinner. I should have stopped what I was doing . I said we both work why can’t you heat up your dinner . I have a lot of other things to do and he said I don’t know what real work is only he works . I need to make him better dinners . Wow that jerk doesn’t appreciate anything at all as always. I’m *** and he’s important. F… him. He always make me feel like I’m a worthless piece of nothing. I’m so sick of him 

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You've stayed this long for a reason... Money?? Have you been relying on him to financially take care of you up until now? 

It's easy to point the finger at him but ultimately you are an adult and responsible for you. Like they say, free ain't cheap... You pay to have someone to take care of you in ways that aren't exactly always sweet. 

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7 hours ago, Pink26 said:

. I’m *** and he’s important. F… him. 

You already know he's abusive. So picking apart one incident at a time won't solve the overall problem.

In fact that more help-rejecting-complaing that you do, the more you will isolate yourself from support and  viable solutions.

Perhaps you need someone to hate. Perhaps you need to be a chonic victim. Whatever reason it is, you just don't want to leave:

 

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8 hours ago, itsallgrand said:

You've stayed this long for a reason... Money?? Have you been relying on him to financially take care of you up until now? 

It's easy to point the finger at him but ultimately you are an adult and responsible for you. Like they say, free ain't cheap... You pay to have someone to take care of you in ways that aren't exactly always sweet. 

Its definitely the money. I am working now but it’s not enough to make it on my own 

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5 minutes ago, Pink26 said:
8 hours ago, itsallgrand said:

You've stayed this long for a reason... Money?? Have you been relying on him to financially take care of you up until now? 

It's easy to point the finger at him but ultimately you are an adult and responsible for you. Like they say, free ain't cheap... You pay to have someone to take care of you in ways that aren't exactly always sweet. 

Expand  

Its definitely the money. I am working now but it’s not enough to make it on my own 

Can't you flat-share? For how long will you let yourself excuse his unacceptable behaviour? Do you have a plan in mind?

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You said this only a couple of weeks ago:

"On the 4th of July he tells me that he wants a divorce via text and now he wants to work it out . Ugh he’s driving me nuts "

And I echo what Choco asks:

1 hour ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

For how long will you let yourself excuse his unacceptable behaviour? Do you have a plan in mind?

Of course you can make it on your own.  Others have and so can you.  The thing is, do you actually WANT to leave?  

What Wiseman said.

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

n fact that more help-rejecting-complaing that you do, the more you will isolate yourself from support and  viable solutions.

 

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Yes, you CAN leave. Call a women’s shelter near you and make an exit plan. Women do this daily. 
 

My mom left on her own with 2 small kids in the 1970’s when there was little to no help. She even left in 1967 and left me with her parents while she lived in the park until she got a place to stay. 

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5 hours ago, Pink26 said:

Its definitely the money. I am working now but it’s not enough to make it on my own 

Well, you'd have to give up the standard of material living you are used to, yes. "Not enough to make it on my own" is an odd thing to say though. It makes it sound like it's optional to not find a way to do things yourself and solve this yourself. You are still relying on him to keep you afloat. 

But it's not his job to do that. It's 100% yours. No one owes you a roof over your head and food in your belly. 

Until you really get this, you and him will be trapped in this power battle of resentment. He resents you as much as you resent him. It's not healthy to stay with someone you don't like and who doesn't respect you just because you like his money. 

I'm sorry if I come across harsh. I just don't think you are a passive victim here. You are both using and disrespecting the other. You can't change him, and maybe he's a pig... I mean, how he talks to you, it's gross.. But you can change you. If you claim your autonomy as a person, you can just tell him bye and fix your own dinner!! 

So it's up to you. 

Edited by itsallgrand
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If you stay, it's as though your peace of mind and your sanity are for sale. You're trading them for money.

If you like the money then you'll have to accept the crappy behavior. 

I made it on my own after I left my husband (and I had kids too). The first year on my own I made $11,000. Yes, for the whole year.

It's decision time. Money and material things or your peace of mind.

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