Why doesn’t his wife care he’s cheating?

[LaHermes]

26 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

I would really encourage you to seek professional help to help you get in touch with those feelings, why you have them, and how to find better alternatives than chasing a disrespectful uncaring unethical man. You are worthy

You MUST find out why you are prepared to settle for so little, OP.  It is vital. I don't know your age but I tell you life is very short and it is very wrong to waste your valuable days with this trashy individual. 

Never ever will you get stability, or love, or anything else from him.  Remember, you can't get anything out of an empty bag.    He has nothing to give you, he is empty himself. 

32 minutes ago, Gb8383 said:

I don’t know how I could ever get stability from someone like that

You will, one day, get stability from a decent, kind, sane and stable man. But once you extricate yourself (with help) from this current prison and total enmeshment, you will need to take at least a year to yourself, to work on yourself so that you seek healthy relationships, and that you attract healthy people. 

[DarkCh0c0]

OP, regarding stability, I'm linking this short video for you to watch. This is a woman who also sought, at some point in her life, stability from men (her husband included):

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=gkJSyfSVQ5c

You might feel understood somehow/ identify.

[Gb8383]

12 minutes ago, LaHermes said:

You MUST find out why you are prepared to settle for so little, OP.  It is vital. I don't know your age but I tell you life is very short and it is very wrong to waste your valuable days with this trashy individual. 

Never ever will you get stability, or love, or anything else from him.  Remember, you can't get anything out of an empty bag.    He has nothing to give you, he is empty himself. 

 

So it isn’t because I’m not good enough? He won’t treat this other woman better? I’m guessing not if he won’t post anything public w her either and has told me he’s remaining married 

[DarkCh0c0]

@Gb8383 do not let any man dictate your worth. You are more than enough with or without that man.

He's a player. Going from one woman to the other. That doesn't mean they're better or not than you. He just uses women that allow themselves to be used by him. Simple.

Can you have a look at the video linked above? Do you identify with her story?

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, Gb8383 said:

So it isn’t because I’m not good enough? He won’t treat this other woman better? I’m guessing not if he won’t post anything public w her either and has told me he’s remaining married 

I don't think it's because you're not good enough it's just that he might have found someone else he is more sexually attracted to and who is even more available than you are to give him sexual pleasure.  That's not about you not being "good enough" - you two have a sexual arrangement where you make yourself available when he is horny and wants to have sex with you (or when one of the others isn't available).  Has nothing to do with whether you are good enough for a man who is single and wants to date women or is looking for a serious relationship.  Your sexual interactions with him have nothing to do with two people who are looking to date each other.

[LaHermes]

6 minutes ago, Gb8383 said:

So it isn’t because I’m not good enough? He won’t treat this other woman better? I’m guessing not if he won’t post anything public w her either and has told me he’s remaining married

Is there any chance I could get you to stop talking about HIM, OP!  These questions are futile. Stop with these comparisons.

Far far more important is what are you going to do.  I want to know.  You do see that this is no life for anyone. Don't you want a better life, a healthy relationship, self-respect, and not this twilight existence with this utterly disastrous individual.

You MUST find out why you are prepared to settle for this awful existence. Why?

Choc says:

"He's a player."  He is far, far worse than a mere player. 

 

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

@Gb8383 do not let any man dictate your worth. You are more than enough with or without that man.

He's a player. Going from one woman to the other. That doesn't mean they're better or not than you. He just uses women that allow themselves to be used by him. Simple.

Can you have a look at the video linked above? Do you identify with her story?

We have no idea if he's a good or bad person.  For all she knows he is not married or is not married anymore. I don't think it's fair to judge him negatively.  Yes if he is cheating that is an immoral and wrong choice.  But if he is a person who likes having multiple partners -and is not cheating -that's ok - nothing wrong with it.  And she willingly has sex with him knowing that.  He's not using her - two people can have casual sex without using each other.

[Gb8383]

I want him to love and respect me. He spent so much time talking to me and seeing me even though yes there was a lot of sex. It’s just that he always kept me hidden. I don’t want everything we had to be gone just bc I got upset over him spending his vacation seeing another woman not me

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, Gb8383 said:

I want him to love and respect me. He spent so much time talking to me and seeing me even though yes there was a lot of sex. It’s just that he always kept me hidden. I don’t want everything we had to be gone just bc I got upset over him spending his vacation seeing another woman not me

If you want someone who potentially can love and respect you date single men and it's typically a good idea to wait to have intercourse until you know the person well and there are serious intentions since you claim to want something potentially serious.  Married men can't date. Perhaps he is a player and if so you knew all that for a very long time.  He didn't keep you hidden.  You chose to keep seeing him under those circumstances. He didn't keep anything.  You agreed to see him, have sex with him etc.  You had nothing with him except a casual sex partner and mostly on his terms. So yes you would be "losing" the opportunity to have intercourse and sexual pleasure with this person.

[LaHermes]

1 minute ago, Gb8383 said:

I want him to love and respect me. . I don’t want everything we had to be gone just bc I got upset over him spending his vacation seeing another woman not me

You continue to entirely miss the point OP. Will you please stop, for a few moments, talking about other women and vacations.  He has no respect for anyone, he doesn't even respect himself. 

You had NOTHING with him, nothing. Can you get that into your head. There is nothing to be had with this individual. Why can't you see that.  You are seeing a mirage. Smoke and mirrors. Individuals like him are experts at producing the type of confusion you are enduring now. 

Please, please, look to yourself. You must find out why you are in this disastrous psychological state, where you have no self-respect, no sense of self-worth, nothing. 

I am asking again.

"Don't you want a better life, a healthy relationship, self-respect, and not this twilight existence with this utterly disastrous individual.

You MUST find out why you are prepared to settle for this awful existence. Why?"

 

[smackie9]

1 hour ago, Gb8383 said:

So he risked that just to take his kid to that other woman’s party (the message I showed his wife that upset her)… or perhaps he didn’t do that at all? Maybe stuff w her is All elaborate lies in his head constructed to upset me. I mean, it is odd to only post about her on a fake social media account that he knows I have and no one real in his life then take it down when I directed his real family Tonit

You don't get it...he doesn't care. You and his wife, other women...you are push overs. He chooses women with no self esteem...all he has to to is say what you want to hear and you fall for it.

[MissCanuck]

10 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

You don't get it...he doesn't care. You and his wife, other women...you are push overs. He chooses women with no self esteem...all he has to to is say what you want to hear and you fall for it.

This is, unforunately, at the heart of it. 

[Batya33]

17 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

You don't get it...he doesn't care. You and his wife, other women...you are push overs. He chooses women with no self esteem...all he has to to is say what you want to hear and you fall for it.

Yes and I think the OP's lashing out at other women and their children is a sign of the low self esteem -instead of taking responsibility for her choices she's channeling her self-anger at other people including innocent kids.

[boltnrun]

Why are you expecting a horrible, selfish lying cheater to treat you well?

He doesn't respect you because YOU don't respect you. Why should he bother to treat you well when he treats you like crap and you stick around begging for more mistreatment?

I shudder to think what you're teaching your young daughter about love and relationships.

[Gb8383]

I’m essentially just interested in finding out how I can get him to respect me more and commit to me. I did tell him I was only willing to become sexual w him If he started the separation and divorce process. Which he lied to me about. I thought I expressed many times how much I love him but ye just keeps saying he doesn’t want anyone’s love and only wants to be free. Yet also says he’s staying married 

[LoreliFinn]

It's clear your standards for selecting men are low.  Why else would someone be posting on this thread unhappy with the situation?

You are clearly fed up with this dude and not satisfied with how he treats you.  There's a reason!  He's a poor choice, low value and a cheater!

You have picked the totally wrong man to fret about. No wonder your life is upside down.

Please move on asap!!

 

 

 

[LaHermes]

1 minute ago, Gb8383 said:

I’m essentially just interested in finding out how I can get him to respect me more and commit to me.

Why do you keep repeating this OP.  You know full well that you might as well break your head open against a stone wall. Are you reading ANY of the posts which people are taking their time to write to you here?!  He doesn't want you! He doesn't CARE!  What is so hard to understand about that. Are you so brainwashed that you cannot see reason?

I want to know when are you going to address your own very serious issues, starting with how low is your self-esteem that you "love" this garbage?

 

 

[Gb8383]

What do you make of the fact that he was making plans to have sex with me and asking for sexy photos at the exact same time he’s allegedly hanging out w this other woman? Does it indicate she’s not that special and I have something she doesn’t? 

[Seraphim]

HE DOES NOT CARE. PERIOD. AT ALL. 

[LaHermes]

1 minute ago, Gb8383 said:

What do you make of the fact that he was making plans to have sex with me and asking for sexy photos at the exact same time he’s allegedly hanging out w this other woman? Does it indicate she’s not that special and I have something she doesn’t? 

Totally beside the point OP.  I am beginning to doubt your sanity.  You are acting like a kidnap victim.  You need serious help, there in real life.  You are in fact a danger to yourself.

I am asking again:

"Why do you keep repeating this OP.  You know full well that you might as well break your head open against a stone wall. Are you reading ANY of the posts which people are taking their time to write to you here?!  He doesn't want you! He doesn't CARE!  What is so hard to understand about that. Are you so brainwashed that you cannot see reason?

I want to know when are you going to address your own very serious issues, starting with how low is your self-esteem that you "love" this garbage?"

"

[boltnrun]

12 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Why are you expecting a horrible, selfish lying cheater to treat you well?

He doesn't respect you because YOU don't respect you. Why should he bother to treat you well when he treats you like crap and you stick around begging for more mistreatment?

I shudder to think what you're teaching your young daughter about love and relationships.

Quoting myself because you have ignored this and other people's very perceptive comments.

You don't care about yourself.  Why should he care about you?

None of his women are "special" to him, including you.

[Jibralta]

2 hours ago, LaHermes said:

again I ask, OP. Why are you so fixated on this trashy individual?  Why are you involved with him at all?!

Because she thinks he's a prize that other women want. 

[Gb8383]

15 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

Because she thinks he's a prize that other women want. 

Truly, If I believed he’d never be more than lying, cheating scum then I’d let go. I thought that his wife’s total apathetic reaction would make me realize he’s no prize and frankly this has happened many times before (bc she didn’t seem the least bit shocked, said he was playing with me ALSO). But then I started obsessing that he might treat this other woman totally differently. But don’t I have proof that she’s no better because even a few days ago he was still sexting me and asking me for sex at same time?

[Rose Mosse]

2 minutes ago, Gb8383 said:

Truly, If I believed he’d never be more than lying, cheating scum then I’d let go. I thought that his wife’s total apathetic reaction would make me realize he’s no prize and frankly this has happened many times before (bc she didn’t seem the least bit shocked, said he was playing with me ALSO). But then I started obsessing that he might treat this other woman totally differently. But don’t I have proof that she’s no better because even a few days ago he was still sexting me and asking me for sex at same time?

Does this not speak volumes about him as a person? What’s your idea of a good partner?

[Seraphim]

If his own child isn’t special to him, his flesh and blood, why do you think you are ?