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My boyfriend brings up having a threesome when we have sex. Is this normal?


crispyapples_
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18 hours ago, Honeycomb8 said:

Um. 

Someone that mentions a sister or friends when talking about threesomes would be an ex. ***. 

^This in a nutshell.

OP, fantasizing out loud about your sister or your friends is creepy af and this creep should be history.

Also, he is totally gaslighting you by trying to blame his creepy behavior on ADHD. That's a truckload of utter bs.

On a side note, don't tell people about how you are insecure or have low self esteem hoping that others will respect that and take care of you. Predators like this creep will only use that information to manipulate you and take advantage of you. Nobody can take care of you and your well being except for you, so please learnt to listen and trust your inner voice when it's screaming at you that something is wrong. It's the ONLY voice that matters in your life. If it's wrong to you, then it is wrong. If you voice your concerns and get disregarded or told that you are wrong....your only action then to show them out the door and bolt it shut behind them. Once you start exercising that power, you'll find that you no longer feel so low because you don't have people in your life who are abusing you anymore.

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4 hours ago, SherrySher said:

but normal to have a threesome, or normal for a woman to want to?

Allow me the pleasure of being that woman that breaks the mould! (and derails the thread a bit) 

I'm not a fetishist. I can assure you that I am not alone, either. It's a lot more "normal" than one would probably realize unless one is directly involved. Considering how much stigma is still attached to sexuality and sexual preferences, and how liberally people judge each other, it's little wonder most would never admit to it. 

 

 

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38 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

It's a lot more "normal" than one would probably realize unless one is directly involved

Like most fantasies, before you do them it's something imaginary and when you realise them you are like "what?that's it?" It's human nature to magnify imaginary things. 

It's a yes or no. In OP's case it is no, she should learn to stand up for what she wants. In this case it is better to leave him, sneaky pushy people are no good in the long term.

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I hope @crispyapples_is not a "one and done". I agree with what most have said. If it bothers you I think you did the correct thing letting him know how you feel outside of the bedroom. Hopefully this will take care of your issue, If it is actually for the reason he gave you it should be the end of it now that he knows how you feel about it.

If he still continues to do this he does want it to be more than a fantasy I think. He if you feel comfortable about it throw it back at him and you start talking about a threesome that would include him and you and another man. lol Does he have a brother or maybe an old ex of yours or one of his friends and see how it likes it. Then if he gets upset you can say it was just a fantasy and is nothing more. If he does not work you night try and turn the tables on him or move on. Hopefully he takes your feelings into account and it stops. Best of luck!

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14 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

Considering how much stigma is still attached to sexuality and sexual preferences, and how liberally people judge each other, it's little wonder most would never admit to it. 

I honestly don't feel it's stigma nor it is about being judged, there are many women(and men!) who prefer one on one intimacy.

Threesomes are not as widespread as you would believe.

Is it possible to get exact numbers? Nope...obviously not. But there are a huge amount who would not be into it.

Let me add into that, do you know how many relationships or marriages have been broken up because a couple thought it would be a good idea and it went very badly?

Again, difficult to find exact numbers, but no doubt the numbers are very high.

You have someone in the threesome who feels left out, who is jealous, who feels that it's not what they thought it would be like, and so on.

Two of the people in the threesome decide it's better to have one on one and start an affair on the side,(without informing the third person).

Many different scenarios on why this particular situation does not work out, or isn't as good as people hoped it would be.

But for what's normal and what's not, I honestly don't think most people would be jumping for joy hearing their partner wants to include someone else.

In fact, many would find it as hurtful as OP has.

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13 hours ago, dias said:

Like most fantasies, before you do them it's something imaginary and when you realise them you are like "what?that's it?" It's human nature to magnify imaginary things. 

If we're talking pure fantasy and not actually engaging in an actual threesome, then yes, no doubt most have imagined it.

Heck, most have imagined outlandish things on most things in life that none would actually do.

But I was replying more on the basis on, is it normal to actually think about a threesome and go through with it?

In that scenario, I would say a flat out, no.

But as for OP and her boyfriend, I don't think this guy is just picturing stuff. He is full out drooling over her family and friends.

He's crossed the line.

I get the feeling that he would more than be happy if it was reality.

But I also think he is a neaderthal and she needs to kick him to the curb.

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I think if we put aside whether threesomes are good or bad, here is what I see really wrong with this picture.

Firstly, he has mentioned it many times and you never showed any interest in it and in fact told him it actually bothers you. Sex is about respect and consent and if he knows you are uncomfortable with this, he HAS to stop doing it. You are not obliged to have a threesome if you don't want to or do anything sexual that you don't want to in general.

Secondly, he talks about threesomes with your SISTER? I know it's not his sister but what he's talking about is actually incest. And talking about your friends is so inappropriate too. He sounds very insensitive and like he had no filter and doesn't care about your feelings either.

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