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I developed feelings for my guy bff because of his mixed signals.


ohlord
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So he’s my second bff. We’ve known each other for 4 years(We’re 17 btw). So when he got to know me I was sure he had no romantic feelings because I looked like a little boy and I was a bit unattractive. But since he met me he’s literally admired me , he always talks about me ( that’s what all of his friends tell me at least ). bc he loved my personality from the start.. he has told me plenty of times that I’m his favorite person ,how he loves me more than anyone and that he wouldn’t even want to live without me. He has told me absolutely everything about him and at first he used to talk to me about his crushes too. But then he fell for my best friend and didn’t tell me . I easily spot things so I immediately knew what had happened.

I asked him if it was true and he told me that I was right. By the way he knew he had no chance with her since she liked another guy and after a long time he told me at a party that he was over her. I was happy to hear it of course. So by that time I had had my glow up and literally everyone had been talking about how “pretty” I was. They still are even though I always feel ugly. So I’ve been receiving tons of compliments from people and that really helps me to boost my confidence. But he only said it once when he was drunk , he told me I was not pretty but the prettiest. :D  I cringed and got uncomfortable since I’ve always hated my appearance and didn’t like it when someone brought it up because All they ever had to say was negative stuff and I wasn’t used to compliments yet. So I finally got to this part.

Now I have noticed that his body language has changed. (We mostly hang out in groups because he lives far). He got more touchy for example: when I sit he comes and sits by me , takes my hand and plays with my fingers . He always comes near me and often cups my face and then kisses my cheek . Once he placed his hands on my neck and kissed it ( our friends were there too but I feel like he did it kinda quickly so no one would see it ) . He’s never been like this before- I guess he’s growing up and he is generally touchy but he’s extra touchy with me and he gives me the most attention. When we hug he squeezes me and those hugs last for long. He used to text me 24/7 in our first two years of friendship but after that he got distant and didn’t text me that often anymore. But now he texts me every night at the same time and tries to keep the convo going.

He’s extra sweet and always talks to me about his affection toward me . And how he never wants to lose me. Also he sometimes brings up his crush just to talk *** about her just to show me he doesn’t care .I don’t think he really likes her because he constantly talks about how annoying she is and that he doesn’t enjoy texting her. He also started planning things for the future . BY THE WAY he’s really beautiful all of my girl friends have had a crush on him , I never did tho because Im a demisexual and his appearance never meant anything to me except that he’s one of the prettiest people Ive seen. BUT recently I started catching feelings since he’s been giving me mixed signals and I’m too close to him.

He’s literally the only person I could fall for. But I can still control my feelings . So when I say mixed signals , I mean that he sometimes still calls me bro and refers to me like Im one of the boys which I still am but he’s also hella flirty. I don’t know what I should do because sometimes I feel like he has some feelings and other times he just makes me feel like Im a MAN. 👨 its not just “bro” Also :D I just don’t know what to do . I would be ok If I knew for sure how he feels about me because I’m down for anything with him lol I wouldn’t have this suspicions if he wasn’t tooo kind of obsessed. I love him more tho. But what kind of love is that like it’s strange Ive never seen any friendship like this one.  :D I need to know. Ps I know he’s a little toxic for some reasons but I love everything about him and he’s still such a good person

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7 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

What is toxic about him? 

I mean I don’t like the fact that he’s bringing up his “crush” in a bad way because that girl has been in love with him for a long time and she hasn’t done anything bad to him. So i just prefer him to be real with her and tell her what he actually thinks instead of playing with her feelings . I’ve talked to him about this already. It’s really complicated but he’s not toxic with me .

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5 minutes ago, Capricorn3 said:

I'm trying to figure out if you're male or female and also how "toxic but a good person" fits together.

Im sorry Im a girl and I don’t know honestly I mean he’s a bit immature but has a lot of good qualities  : D 

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What are you responding with when he gets close enough to kiss you or when he makes those comments about losing you?

If he’s not asking you out at all or you both aren’t an item, he’s just teasing you. Are you not bored? If you’re finding it difficult to be around him and his confusing signals, don’t hang around him and find other friends. Get to know other people in your class. Both of you don’t have to chat every day. Let the conversations pause and respond a few times a week. If he wants you that badly he can do something about it. 

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1 hour ago, ohlord said:

 I started catching feelings since he’s been giving me mixed signals and I’m too close to him. 

Yes. You're too close to him. Stop hanging out with him or chitchatting constantly.

He's not your friend if he's treating you like this and he's not your BF if he's not asking you out.

Develop your own friends and start talking to boys who are sincere and interested in you.

Don't be this guy's security blanket while he cruises for other girls.

Get more involved in school, part-time jobs, sports, clubs, groups, interests, hobbies, preparing for college, etc. Invest in yourself, not in stroking his ego.

Invest your time better. Why waste your time, energy and emotions being in his fan club when you could make real friends and date sincere guys?

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I dunno, from being flirty and touchy, he might want something. However as you are both pretty young and he is like that, I dont really think its something serious. So, you should at least beware there. You are still "coming out of the shell" and discover that the boys now find you pretty. So its normal to feel attracted to somebody who gives you that much attention. But again, beware there.

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9 hours ago, ohlord said:

. He’s extra sweet and always talks to me about his affection toward me . And how he never wants to lose me. Also he sometimes brings up his crush just to talk *** about her just to show me he doesn’t care .I don’t think he really likes her because he constantly talks about how annoying she is and that he doesn’t enjoy texting her

IMO, If he were 'over her', she would not be a topic of discussion.

 

He is not being very respectful, there are NO boundaries.. If he's into you then be clear on this.  No games. ( but then again, he's just reaching puberty & needs to learn a few things.)

I have a feeling you are ALL just learning how to handle your thoughts, emotions and changing minds/ bodies.

And maybe you should NOT go ahead with any plans on truly getting involved with this guy.  He see's you as his 'friend', like a buddy.. And if you cross those lines, it's risky, in the way that things will in fact be different 😕 ... and it will affect your friendship - and not in a good way.

Can you not distance yourself from him a bit and actuallly look at finding a guy out there who is not your 'friend', you've had for a while?

You can always sit & have a decent chat with him about all of this 'touchy' and how it's bothering you.

In the end, it's your choice, just know the risks.

If you want to remain a good friend of his, remain as you are.

 

 

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OP,

Are he and his purported crush in a relationship? If so, he is off limits.

If not, he is displaying clear signs of interest in you, but perhaps he is not confident enough to make any direct move. If you are interested in him, then you should reciprocate . If the signals continue to be mixed, be more direct in expressing interest. 

I agree with other posters in that his talking bad about his "crush" is not a good character trait. If he is saying this about her, what will he say about you? Unfortunately, speaking from experience, lots of people are into gossip and taking things emotionally/personally at 17. No excuse, but that level of immaturity is pretty common at that age, as people are still learning/developing. Certainly, there are other guys who will not talk crap about others... But  this number of guys will surely become more plentiful in your 20s.

Hope this helps.

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