I feel like maybe she's not ready for a relationship

[MB12]

Hello all,

I am brand new here. Just writing to try and get some feedback/vent about a recent issue and would love if anyone could offer some advice or can share from similar experiences, as I'm having a real hard time dealing with it. 

So about 3 weeks ago, I met this girl online and we had an instant connection. Started chatting back and forth on the app and soon after got her number and we began to text every day (some flirtiness but mostly just casual chat and getting to know each other etc)

We went on our first date a few days later (this would be about 2.5 weeks ago). Amazing date, we both really connected well. A few days later we went on our second date and same thing. I am only saying this for context but there was light physical action on both dates (no sex). She texted me when she got home after second date (we live about 45 min away) and said she had a great time. She said that she was into me but needed to take it slow because she said she'd been hurt before and didn't want to freak herself out or scare me away etc. To which I told her I totally understood and respected and she seemed to be very pleased that we were on the same page with that. 

Flash forward a few days later she found out one of her college friends died suddenly. So I tried to cheer her up and we went for a hike and stuff and she seemed to have a great time. Continued talking all through that week. This is where it gets a little weird.

She left for a bachelorette party over last weekend, to which we didn't really text much over that weekend (again, we had basically been texting every day for a majority of the day), which was fine. I didn't really think much of it because I figured she was with her friends and didn't really want to bother her etc. I texted her last Sunday evening just saying hope her weekend was going well and that she was having fun...

Monday morning (just two days ago) she sends me a text saying I'm a great guy and wishes me well etc but that she had been thinking about it over the weekend and that I'm not the guy for her? While the text seemed genuine and respectful, I felt kind of blindsided. I was really upset after receiving the text so I just texted back that I understood (even though I really don't) and thanks for letting me know. We haven't talked since (it's only been 48 hours) but are still friends on social media and stuff. Here's where my confusion lies:

She truly seems like a great girl and we have had a lot of fun together and similar interests and on same page with a lot of stuff. She even said she liked me but wanted to take it slow. Am I wrong to think that I deserved an actual chance to do that? Seems like she cut the cord very early with what seemed to be a lot of promise. 

I feel shortchanged because we both like each other and I told her I was more than willing to take it slow but it seemed like she pulled a 180 and didn't even give me that chance. Has anyone else ever experienced anything like this? Maybe my emotions are still kind of raw but I'm just really upset and this just happened 2 days ago so it's still fresh. Am I wrong to be upset that she told me she was into me and wanted to take things slow and then she pulled the carpet from beneath me and didn't give me a chance?? How do you know 3 dates into it that I'm not "the guy" for you but yet she's also saying she likes me?

Theres a bit of an age gap (I'm 5 years older than her) but I don't think it has to do with maturity. My gut tells me what she told me may not even be the true reason. I feel like maybe she's not ready for a relationship or something and doesn't want to get hurt. Maybe her feelings are conflicted? I'm not sure. 

Even though her text seemed pretty final, I just feel in the back of my mind she's conflicted and is going to reach out to me again. Again, this just happened 48 hours ago and I'm trying to move forward and jump back into the dating scene, but if anyone has had similar experiences to share or even better if any females on here could maybe help me understand what could be going through her head, any feedback would be appreciated. I just felt it would be good to write out my feelings. Thank you!

[DarkCh0c0]

Well, she was honest with you. She thought over it and declined politely. That's all it is. No need for drama or more discussion about this. That's how life is.

[Kwothe28]

54 minutes ago, MB12 said:

Am I wrong to be upset that she told me she was into me and wanted to take things slow and then she pulled the carpet from beneath me and didn't give me a chance?? How do you know 3 dates into it that I'm not "the guy" for you but yet she's also saying she likes me?

Well, yes and no. She did pull your strings a bit so you have the right to be upset. However, lots of times when we feel connection, the other side doesnt. Hence her "taking things slow" comments. She maybe wanted you there at the time, maybe she didnt had anything else so it did fit her to have at least somebody, but she didnt "feel it". Its a legitimate issue. Still she should have told you that instead of keeping you there. 

Also, I am like 99,9% sure she met somebody at that bachelorette party. To whom she did feel "connection". Hence why Monday morning she broke things up with you. As French would say "C'est La Vie", it happens. Dont chase things up and think she is conflicted. She knows very well what she is doing. So, write it off as few good dates that didnt get anywhere and move on.

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, MB12 said:

 3 weeks ago, I met this girl online .

Monday morning (just two days ago) she sends me a text saying I'm a great guy and wishes me well etc but that she had been thinking about it over the weekend and that I'm not the guy for her?

Sorry this happened. It's 21 days and 3 dates and you were very nice to her, so don't take it personally.

Unfortunately no matter how amazing a few dates are, people ghost, back out, etc.

You are not exclusive so both still talking to and meeting others.

It seems she may be on/off with someone or flaky or simply meeting a bunch of guys.

Let it go. It's nothing personal.

[MissCanuck]

3 hours ago, MB12 said:

Maybe her feelings are conflicted?

I don't think so. 

She had fun but doesn't feel a strong enough connection to take things further. There's not much you can do with that, but respect that everything you were feeling wasn't quite mutual, and bow out gracefully. It's disappointing but it happens. 

As a side note, I would reign in your expectations a bit in the future. You barely know her and you're already connected on social media, and talking of "jumping back into the dating scene." In the grand scheme of things, you hardly even jumped in with her. It's normal to be bummed but you speak as if you two have been on far more than 3 dates. 

[SooSad33]

4 hours ago, MB12 said:

How do you know 3 dates into it that I'm not "the guy" for you but yet she's also saying she likes me?

Theres a bit of an age gap (I'm 5 years older than her) but I don't think it has to do with maturity. My gut tells me what she told me may not even be the true reason. I feel like maybe she's not ready for a relationship or something and doesn't want to get hurt. Maybe her feelings are conflicted? I'm not sure. 

Right.  No one truly knows what happened here, but is quite possible that she just 'didn't feel it'.  Was maybe no connection going on for her. So, was a good thing to speak up & pull out of this, instead of letting it go on for long...

Was only over a time span of a few weeks.. yes, respectfully leave her be now & move on.

Don't dwell on this too much... not  worth it.

And get her off your social media.

[Rose Mosse]

I don't think she's physically attracted to you. It's difficult to verbalize that so it's usually not said as it could cause hurt feelings and the other person will ask why or how so or take it in a bad way. You're good to accept it with grace but I can see the confusion. You don't have to worry over this too much. Now you're free to be with other women.

[decibelx]

It happens. Sometimes people's feelings are fickle. Maybe she was digging you at first but something changed for her and that's fine. Don't dwell on it too much and pick yourself up so you move on to find your person.

[MB12]

@decibelx thank you for the feedback! Much appreciated!

[MB12]

@Rose Mosse thank you! I'm just confused on the physical part because we made out on all 3 dates and it almost went beyond that. In fact on the first date she pulled her car over so she could kiss me again. Along with sending kissy emojis etc on text so I don't necessarily think that was it but I value your feedback. 

[MB12]

@SooSad33 thank you! I removed her on all social media and I agree that was a good idea 

[MB12]

@MissCanuck thank you!

[MB12]

@Wiseman2 thank you !

[MB12]

@DarkCh0c0 thanks!

[MB12]

@Kwothe28 thank you for the feedback!

[Rose Mosse]

Did you ever text her like this with back to back messages? Either way it is ok. Don't hang on to flaky people. 

[MB12]

@Rose Mosseyeah the texting back and forth was both of us 

[MB12]

@Rose Mosse no not back to back messages generally 

[sadchick83]

Not sure what to think of this woman.  After date #1, I generally know whether I like someone or not. I am going to crawl into this woman’s head: Even if I meant someone else, I would not end things with you, and I only say this because she definitely had a connection with you, and if she did meet someone amazing she would possibly keep you around just in case.

It sounds like she just had a change of heart. Better to know now rather than after 3 more dates.