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My boyfriend broke up with me 4 days after surgery...


liliumvon
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Hello everyone! This is my first time posting something like this but I feel absolutely lost and confused...

We've been having issues with my boyfriend for the past month, he struggles with depression and got fired about 6 weeks ago. I took another job to be able to pay bills while he finds another job. He told me about his depression 3 weeks ago and I told him we should get some help, do some couples therapy, meditate, etc. Every time I'd tell him to meditate or journal he looked like he didn't want to do it and annoyed but we always did it and it was good. Last week I had to get an emergency surgery on my stomach, have to do 2 week rest and special diet. I can't laugh, talk too much and let alone walk so after our 2 night stay at the hospital we got home, he took care of me, my mom went to our house to do some meal-prep so he didn't have to worry about cooking and everything was looking OK. Tuesday night I asked him how we was doing, if he still was feeling numb and if he know if he wants to keep this relationship or not, I got silence. He came by me 20 minutes after and apologized and told me he was going to go lay down. Wednesday afternoon he broke up with me after I asked him why was he looking up abroad opportunities and not sharing. He told me he couldn't do it anymore, I begged him to stay and we would seek help and therapy together but he didn't show any emotions, he just didn't care, no sadness, no tears.. NOTHING! My mom picked me up and he left before she got there, he said he didn't want to see her. I could barely move and walk to the car but my mom helped me out.

Thursday morning I reached out and told him hey I love you, let's get through this and he said NO, he blocked my mom, deleted everything about me from his social media and basically deleted me from his life like I didn't ever exist.

I'm so sad and confused, I don't understand how someone can leave the person they loved so much, the "love of their life" when they most need them. I'm so angry that I can't cry because of my surgery, I cried that day and I'm in such horrible pain because of that, it hurts like hell to swallow my sadness and tears.

I can't wait to be healthy again to cry and get all this pain out of my system. I don't understand how he can be so heartless and cold, it's like he doesn't love me and care for me now or never, not even in our best times.

Edited by liliumvon
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Please focus on getting physically healthy.  Right now that has to be your priority.

And please do not reach out anymore to beg him to stay with you.  He apparently isn't concerned with how you're doing and doesn't want to be in the relationship any longer.  I know, it hurts a lot.  

My ex moved another woman into his house while I was in the hospital trying to recover from a life-threatening infection.  So yeah, I know how you feel.

But I removed that man from my life.  And unfortunately you will have to remove this man from your life.

And also know you probably won't get the answers you seek (or satisfactory answers).  If you try to reach out you'll probably get at best an "I don't know" and at worst, ignored.  So don't waste your time.

I hope you're feeling physically well very soon.  Lean on your family.  They love you and will never stop, even when your ill or recovering from surgery.

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12 minutes ago, liliumvon said:

Every time I'd tell him to meditate or journal he looked like he didn't want to do it and annoyed but we always did it and it was good.  Wednesday afternoon he broke up with me after I asked him why was he looking up abroad opportunities and not sharing.

Sorry this happened. How long have you been dating? How long have you lived together?  How old is he?

 Is the place yours, his or do you co-own/co-lease? Sadly it seems  he checked out when he lost his job. And likely, long before that. 

Try not to force DIY methods for depression like journaling, mediation etc. on anyone.

If he wanted help he would have gotten it. 

Ask friends and family to help you out while you recuperate. Focus on severing all accounts, financial ties and either moving out or giving him notice.

Take this time to reflect and do not try to "make" relationships work or try to fix anyone. Focus on you. Not how untimely and hurtful the breakup is.

 

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He was looking at employment abroad. Did he tell you that he was let go from his previous company or did he quit? It sounds more like he’s been thinking about leaving for awhile. Depression (if at all true) is the least of it. I’m sorry you’re in so much pain. 

Consider him gone and the liability too as you were shouldering the financial burden. It hurts now but relief will flood you later. Lean on your family and friends. 

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Once you get time and distance away from him, you will say good riddance versus wanting him back. I know it happened to me with someone I dated a year who I could see I was not a priority with, yet I kept wishing and hoping things would improve instead of realizing he was the wrong man. The next man I dated about 9 months later ended up being a million times better in every way, and he became my husband.

You are too close to the situation now to realize it, but he did you a favor by freeing you to meet someone far better. Just make sure you possess a healthy self worth so you won't accept anything less than a man who treats you the way you should be treated.

Pamper yourself now and I hope the healing process goes well both physically and emotionally during this difficult time.

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This is very cold and heartless. I'm sorry. 

Hang in there. Focus on your health. It's hard to accept this is but you're probably seeing the real him for the first time. 

You got a 2nd job? Why couldn't he get a job outside his field, like a part time job? instead of you working more? 

That says a lot, as does the rest of his actions. Losing this guy is a gain. 

It's not easy to see right now.  I know.  ❤ 

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I'm so sorry you're going through this. You don't mention how long you were together.

Loss of a job impacts people differently, and so does depression.

However, depression can often render a person incapable of a relationship.

That can also mean that they're incapable of exiting one gracefully--if there is such a thing.

Write more if it helps.

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