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Narcissistic ex is messaging me. Need advice.


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So to start off my ex broke up with me through text and left me on read and we haven’t spoke since. That was 2 months but recently started to send me bread crumbs through ig by replying to my stories, the first was wishing me luck the second was asking me about some trail I was hiking. The first time I just replied thanks, the second i left on read. She contacted me again a few days later apologizing for bothering me and said she will unfollow me. I responded by saying I don’t have anything against her and if she wants to talk they say so, if not it’s best we both go out separate ways. She left me on read. Few days later she replies saying she’s sorry and she wishes she did things different with me and it sucked I met her in bad time in her life” I miss her and want her back, but I know how she is and don’t know if she changed or if this is another game.

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The worst thing you can do for the narcissists is to not give them any attention. They thrive on that so the more you cut them off, the better for you. She doesnt get attention from somebody else. Or even maybe does and wants yours too. But, in any case, for you, its just better in general to move away from narcissistic person.

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2 hours ago, Danny said:

I know how she is and don’t know if she changed or if this is another game.

Changed into what, exactly? Someone who sincerely wants to reconcile, or someone who feels squirmy for making an enemy and wants your comfort while she moves on?

I'd tell her that I don't hate her, but I also don't want to hear from her unless she wants to try reconciling. I'd wish her luck and go radio silent.

Any spec of anything beyond that shows you're hovering, and she knows it, and unfortunately, that's not attractive.

Head high, and let her wonder what kind of higher ground you've moved up to. If she ever wants to meet you there, she'll have no trouble letting you know.

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The title of your topic says it all. You can’t build with a narcissist. Not with the help of long and heavy therapy sessions. Cmon, you know she’s not good for you, she’s not good for herself, she’s lost.
Be careful, as you can slowly start forming some sort of trauma bond with her, and it will be more and more addictive to get back in touch or forgive her. I say this because it took me almost 3 years to end this cycle that I’m telling you about. And he still is in my mind although I date other people. 
Some people are lost causes. They might not be forever like that, but it’s not your job to fix them. They don’t wanna be fixed. They just wanna keep you as their punching bag. 
start focusing on yourself, redescover a lost passion, or try something new, start reading interesting books, stay with the people that truly care, cause they are there, and they’re a gift from above. Re-Invest all that energy back into yourself and your loved ones. They’re the only ones who truly deserve it!

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8 hours ago, Danny said:

I don’t have anything against her and if she wants to talk they say so, if not it’s best we both go out separate ways. She left me on read. Few days later she replies saying she’s sorry and she wishes she did things different with me and it sucked I met her in bad time in her life” I miss her and want her back, but I know how she is and don’t know if she changed or if this is another game.

So, she left you 2 months ago and you wonder IF she has changed?  How or why would she?

You know how she is... how could you fancy someone like that ( your ex Narcissist) ?

I really think YOU should stop playing her games.  Leave it all alone and ignore her!  Why let her do this with you?

 

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10 hours ago, Danny said:

Yes 

Ok. Let go. It's going nowhere. 

Investment your time in getting a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting sane interested women.

Don't chase ghosts, goblins, witches and other assorted halloween characters.👻👹🎃👿

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21 hours ago, Danny said:

That was 2 months but recently started to send me bread crumbs through ig by replying to my stories, the first was wishing me luck the second was asking me about some trail I was hiking. The first time I just replied thanks, the second i left on read. She contacted me again a few days later apologizing for bothering me and said she will unfollow me.

Hi @Danny!

So this is what I'm understanding from the above (please correct me if I'm wrong)

1. She left you 2 months ago via text

2. She recently interacted with you on social media asking you fairly innocuous questions

3. You either ignore her or give her a short reply

21 hours ago, Danny said:

I responded by saying I don’t have anything against her and if she wants to talk they say so, if not it’s best we both go out separate ways. She left me on read. Few days later she replies saying she’s sorry and she wishes she did things different with me and it sucked I met her in bad time in her life”

Sounds like she's giving you a valid explanation as to why she left you abruptly.

Could you please clarify for context:

  • do you know what 'bad time in her life' she was referring to?
  • how did you come to the conclusion that she is a 'narcissist'?
  • it seems she actually wants to talk but is struggling to let you know directly (contacting you on 'ig', opening up a little bit about the reasons for the break-up, etc.) Reading between the lines, it feels like she is giving you the green light to contact her - would this be opening a can of worms for you?

If so, best to make your boundaries clear - either call her up and have a clear conversation about the state of your (non)relationship or text her to let her know gently but firmly that you have moved on. With such little context, it's very difficult to give more tailored advice.

21 hours ago, Danny said:

I miss her and want her back, but I know how she is and don’t know if she changed or if this is another game.

Is she really a narcissist, then and if so, is the bolded a good idea? (questions for you to ponder, you don't need to reply here).

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Once trust is dead in all relationships (and friendships), there is nothing left.  It's better to go your separate ways.  Request NC (no contact), part ways respectfully, wish her all the best and move on.  If she relentlessly contacts you and does not honor your request, then ignore, ghost, block and delete her permanently. 

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Dreaming of my ex-boyfriend hugging...
Dreaming of my ex-boyfriend hugging me

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