Home alone with toxic parents

[iriswrites]

Hi guys,

I've been struggling with this for a long time. Last year, my parents forced me to complete my degree from my home country due to the pandemic. That decision caused me to have a breakdown later in the year because I felt like I was robbed seeing all my friends living their dreams overseas whereas I was stuck at home. My dad and I had a massive fight about this and we barely spoke for 3 months. I managed to complete my degree and graduated with excellent results. I appreciate everything my parents have done for me but I can't help but feel like I don't have a great relationship with my parents. After I received my final year results, I was really excited and felt proud of myself because it showed that I could do things despite everything that had happened. My parents on the other hand, did not acknowledge my achievements and never congratulated me.

I have been home alone with my parents since the pandemic started and we have been in lockdown (still!) for almost 2 years. My older siblings have left the nest and I am stuck at home dealing with my parents. I am well aware that after the massive fight with my dad, our relationship has gone downhill. I have tried to talk to my mum about my issues and feelings but she never listens and turns everything into a lecture. Any advice on how to cope with my situation is appreciated.

[MissCanuck]

Congratulations on completing your degree, Iris. 

I am sorry your parents have not recognized your achievement, that must really sting. But now that you have graduated, are you working? My plan in your shoes would be to find a job and move out of their house, as soon as possible. 

[iriswrites]

34 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

Congratulations on completing your degree, Iris. 

I am sorry your parents have not recognized your achievement, that must really sting. But now that you have graduated, are you working? My plan in your shoes would be to find a job and move out of their house, as soon as possible. 

Thank you, MissCanuck. I do plan on moving out as soon as I get a job. 

[LaHermes]

1 hour ago, iriswrites said:

I was really excited and felt proud of myself because it showed that I could do things despite everything that had happened. My parents on the other hand, did not acknowledge my achievements and never congratulated me.

I am sorry to hear this, OP.  I simply do not understand, and never will, how parents can behave like this. They should be proud of you, and say so!

The sooner you get out on your own the better.  And get back overseas where your friends are. 

[iriswrites]

2 minutes ago, LaHermes said:

I am sorry to hear this, OP.  I simply do not understand, and never will, how parents can behave like this. They should be proud of you, and say so!

The sooner you get out on your own the better.  And get back overseas where your friends are. 

Thank you, LaHermes. 

[SooSad33]

6 hours ago, iriswrites said:

I was really excited and felt proud of myself because it showed that I could do things despite everything that had happened. My parents on the other hand, did not acknowledge my achievements and never congratulated me.

Wow.. so sorry for this 😕 . Unfair it is.

But, do commend yourself for getting this far! ❤️ 

You have no other friends or family you could room with for the time being as you get out into the workforce?

If not, look at getting work then try to at least rent a room? If you feel your parents are this toxic.

 

 

[abitbroken]

First off, EVERYBODY is stressed of the pandemic stuff and lock downs.  Everyone's patience, tempers or whatever are wearing thin. They may be a bit depressed. What are you expecting from them - maybe you need to manage your expectations -- and communicate them "When things change around her, i would like to have a celebratory dinner somewhere".  They can't throw a party for you - so what exactly were they supposed to do?

I do think sometimes it takes two to tango. You say your parents "forced" you to finish your degree in your home country. It doesn't sound like you really had a choice. My cousin's school made them all leave the dorms at the end of the term and they couldn't lock down there.  Another cousin had graduated a few years ago and had an apartment near his alma mater. He chose to move to his home town and live with his parents, because when you are in a small urban apartment in a high rise, with no ability to really leave your tiny apartment, it really is depressing.   While there were growing pains, he was able to help his parents  out - his dad is not in the best of health - and take hikes and have company and the comforts of home.

So flip the script - your parents were not "forcing" you - the country you were in probably would not have let you just stay there