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How can I meet new people


anon987654321
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Can someone please tell me how can I meet new people (for dating)? Other than dating apps, because I tried tinder and decided to take a break from it.

Also, I often find myself wanting to talk to guys that I find attractive, in real life, but I quickly repress myself because I feel like approaching a stranger on the street (or in public) and just starting to talk to them lowkey feels like harassment lol, and is kind of weird. Plus, I'm a shy girl and besides me probably being super awkward in such an imaginary situation, I also have this (mis)conception the the guy should always make the first step. And I think that if I would finally have the guts to talk to a stranger that I like and he would turn me down, then my self esteem would drop massively. 

But I really wanna meet new people. Any suggestions how?

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Greetings Anon!  You're in the same boat as me only reversed.  I know you've probably heard the timeless advice of finding people with shared interests so you have something to talk about.  Personally as you'll see in my topic 'Living Alone Long Term', I started the Meetup circuit again with the hopes of expanding my social circle and getting out of my home more.  I can only take so much streaming or video games.  Then just being home alone a lot is depressing. 

What you have tried so far outside of the online dating?  Personally I can't stand it.  To me the whole swiping game is really annoying and most of the people on there are either holding a drink, posing in the mirror with a ***ty outfit, take pictures from miles away or with other people, or don't even fill out their profile which is just laziness.  You agree?

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Thank you for answering! XD funny enough, I am into video games aswell, and I have a lot of online friends, part of which I have lately met in real life too. I am also sometimes going to parties and stuff, but then again, I am a bit socially awkward, so I don't know if it's ok for me to start talking to random strangers.

5 minutes ago, beatlesfan77 said:

What you have tried so far outside of the online dating?

 

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4 minutes ago, anon987654321 said:

I am also sometimes going to parties and stuff, but then again, I am a bit socially awkward, so I don't know if it's ok for me to start talking to random strangers.

 

You're welcome.  What always helps me when out and about is to notice the surroundings, what is happening, or what the person is doing that I want to talk to.  You can say hi to them and then mention something from the last sentence.  Then listen to what they tell you and respond by asking them something in regards to what they just told you.  If it's one sided and they don't ask any questions back, then I end the conversation.  That tells me they are not interested. 

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I am a guy and have been approached by women at events, parties, concerts and grocery store and not one of them (except for a few) came right out and asked for my number.  What they did do was show interest, were talkative, introduced themselves and generally made it clear that they were interested in me.   Basically they made it easy for me to get the hint.  About a third of women that have approached me I wouldn't have approached because  I thought they were out of my league or to young for me so it was a nice surprise.

  If you see a guy you think is attractive do you have enough confidence to strike up a conversation with him? Maybe you see the same guy at the coffee shop?  Store? Gym? Could you be extra friendly?

  Meeting people with the same interests is always easier because there is a built in ice breaker right?  The trick is find something to ask or say to the guy.  If he is interested in you and single he will carry on the convo.

  Guys get rejected all the time and as far as I know it hasn't been fatal.  Being rejected sucks but it isn't the end of the world and in fact the more you try and fail the easier it gets to approach someone.

  What is your comfort level as far as talking to a stranger in a store or coffee shop?

Lost 

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4 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

  Meeting people with the same interests is always easier because there is a built in ice breaker right?  The trick is find something to ask or say to the guy.  If he is interested in you and single he will carry on the convo.

Haha, thank you so much for your reply! This gave me such a confidence boost, I think I'll actually just go for it the next time I have the chance. Peace

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I highly recommend volunteer work, especially backstage at community theater and not "online dating" -just use the apps to make a first contact and meet asap -don't text or try to date online or start dating through online.  Religious organizations related to your religion if you have one often have singles events.  Ask friends to set you up -friends you trust.  Also hiking and or cycling or fitness classes -even if you meet other women they can introduce you to single men.  I agree that maybe the man should ask you out on a date after a first meet through a dating site but if you're in a situation where people are mingling of course you should start conversations.  That's not dating.  It's just socializing. 

I met my husband almost 27 years ago when we were in our late 20s because it was his first day of work and my 40th or so - they had a breakfast buffet in a conference room for the newbies and for us.  I crossed the crowded room and introduced myself.  We didn't work in the same department.  It's unlikely we'd have met if I hadn't crossed the room.  He didn't know anyone -why should he have to start a conversation with me in that situation?  Months later he asked me out.

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22 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

Taking a chance always seems harder before you do it.  Once done no matter how it turns out we almost always think "why was I so scared to say or do that?"

  Is there a guy you have in mind you would like to meet or talk to?

Lost

Agreed!  It's the whole anticipation part that's the worst. 

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22 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

  Is there a guy you have in mind you would like to meet or talk to?

Yes. Thank you for answering!

I keep seeing this guy at church every week lately, and he's always alone, and I keep thinking about him and wanting to go talk to him, but I think I've been too shy. Hopefully next time I'll have the guts to go for it XD

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1 minute ago, anon987654321 said:

Yes. Thank you for answering!

I keep seeing this guy at church every week lately, and he's always alone, and I keep thinking about him and wanting to go talk to him, but I think I've been too shy. Hopefully next time I'll have the guts to go for it XD

Say hi, and if it works out let him do the asking out.  You can be shy and scared and still react by doing what you are scared of.  And if you don't guess what -someone else will beat you to it.

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Can someone please tell me how can I meet new people (for dating)? Other than dating apps, because I tried tinder and decided to take a break from it.

I would try to meeting guys based upon the activities, intellectual pursuits, hobbies, sports, church or MeetUps in your community and start there.  Or, ask friends if they know any eligible bachelors as they've done their homework for you.   

If you're interested in a guy, suggest something casual such as meeting for coffee, a walk, then eventually graduate to meeting for lunch.  Or, start out in social group settings and observe his personality and character first because it's more cautious as opposed to diving into 1:1 meetings. 

Be prepared for rejection because it's part of life.  It hurts.  However, know that not every man will reject you and if they do, don't take it personally even though it's easy to do.  Some men aren't interested in you nor anyone else at the moment.  You don't know if they have a special someone in their life already or they could be too busy or have their personal reasons which they will not explain.  

Most of all, I've found that whether male or female, most people are attracted to very independent types who are very busy with their careers, getting ahead in life, taking good care of their health and successful in their own right.  These types of "winners" don't have to try so hard to attract others; it's automatic because nothing is more attractive than security and self-confidence (not to be confused with cocky).  Once others discover that you have goals for your life and actually achieve them, it's like bees to honey. 

I was a wallflower back in the day.  I never had a boyfriend throughout school.  Never.  I never went to any dances, formals and no one ever looked my way.  I was beginning to think there was something really wrong with me!  I lost hope so I said, "Forget it!  I'll concentrate on my own life and get busy!"  I basically gave up on men at that point.  Therefore, I immersed myself into ascending in my career, prospering and before I knew it, I suddenly was thrust into social circles with others on the fast track just as I was.  I garnered a lot of attention without any effort on my part whatsoever.  I had the time of my life. 😋 I eventually met my husband, we have two amazing sons, the white picket fence in the suburbs and a very established, settled, stable life.  Everything fell into place because I wasn't searching.  People gravitated towards me; not the other way around.  Funny how that worked.  It was actually my mother's advice.  "Birds of a feather flock together."  Success automatically attracts success.   

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33 minutes ago, anon987654321 said:

Yes. Thank you for answering!

I keep seeing this guy at church every week lately, and he's always alone, and I keep thinking about him and wanting to go talk to him, but I think I've been too shy. Hopefully next time I'll have the guts to go for it XD

If he is sitting alone then sit across from him so he can see you stealing a look at him.  When he looks up and sees you looking his way simply smile your best smile and then look back at your bible.  Then keep an eye on him once in a while and see if he is looking your way.  This kind of breaks the ice for when you walk up and say hi after service and introduce yourself.

Be brave and go for it!  He is a nice guy and will not do or say anything to make you feel bad no matter what happens.  He could be even more shy than you are...

  Anyone else you run into frequently you would like to meet?

Lost

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8 hours ago, anon987654321 said:

 I think that if I would finally have the guts to talk to a stranger that I like and he would turn me down, then my self esteem would drop massively. 

Agree with suggests above to be approachable, start with friendliness and small talk.

Do not put high stakes on things. Your self esteem will not "massively drop" if a friendly encounter doesn't end up in a date.

It's important to respect others boundaries.

My advice about being socially active remains the same:

 

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I would remind yourself as many times as needed that if someone declines to speak with you, to go on a date with you, to join a group activity it is highly unlikely that person is rejecting "you" especially if they do not know you and especially if there is no reason for it -like you know you did not offend the person.  Declining is an ego blow of course but knowing you as a person are not being rejected can help soften the blow.

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  • 3 months later...

Have you made any progress since your original post?

 

On 8/22/2021 at 2:49 PM, anon987654321 said:

Can someone please tell me how can I meet new people (for dating)? Other than dating apps, because I tried tinder and decided to take a break from it.

Also, I often find myself wanting to talk to guys that I find attractive, in real life, but I quickly repress myself because I feel like approaching a stranger on the street (or in public) and just starting to talk to them lowkey feels like harassment lol, and is kind of weird. Plus, I'm a shy girl and besides me probably being super awkward in such an imaginary situation, I also have this (mis)conception the the guy should always make the first step. And I think that if I would finally have the guts to talk to a stranger that I like and he would turn me down, then my self esteem would drop massively. 

But I really wanna meet new people. Any suggestions how?

 

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