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What would you do if you were me?


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So with my husband we both struggle with addiction.😡 Due to are addiction we can't seem to get anywhere with each other it's completely ***ing frustrating. I feel like I've always pushed us to do better. I just don't know what to do anymore because any time I suggest something to him he will either agree and not do it or agree and do it when he feels like doing it basically. I need help on what you think I should do we are struggling badly with communicating, and with addiction he doesn't want to stop or he will and then boom it if no where he's right back to his addiction and we are right back where we have always been and I'm so tired of it idk how to get threw to him.

What would you do if you were me?

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I think its nearly impossible for two addicts to have a healthy relationship. In healthy relationships, the relationship is the priority. In addiction, the addiction is the priority.

Do you want to get help to stop?

That's the answer. but until you decide that's what you want and do something about it, it always going to be the same. 

If I were you, I would find resources near me to get help. Start with a Google search. Talk to a doctor, call a help hotline or someone that cares about you. Someone that is not an addict.

Get help for yourself. 

Invite your hubs to get help with you.  but unfortunately, you might have to go it alone. 

You have to take care of yourself FIRST. Then you can work on other things.  It's like they say on airplanes... in the event the oxygen mask drops, put yours on first. Before you assist someone else.  Because if you can't breathe, you can't help another person. 

Same with your situation. You have to get yourself healthy. 

Have you tried in the past? Do you have someone you can trust to help you? 

 

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1 hour ago, GrEeN eYeS15 said:

So with my husband we both struggle with addiction.😡 Due to are addiction we can't seem to get anywhere with each other it's completely ***ing frustrating. I feel like I've always pushed us to do better. I just don't know what to do anymore because any time I suggest something to him he will either agree and not do it or agree and do it when he feels like doing it basically. I need help on what you think I should do we are struggling badly with communicating, and with addiction he doesn't want to stop or he will and then boom it if no where he's right back to his addiction and we are right back where we have always been and I'm so tired of it idk how to get threw to him.

What would you do if you were me?

 

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Just now, GrEeN eYeS15 said:

 

I have gone to treatment and I have successfully completed my treatment and do go to ppl for help I've tried having him get involved is either he's gotta wanna do it or he won't or he will but get nothing from it and think it's completely stupid. And the Addiction is drug/alcohol related. So yea I guess I'm asking these questions because idk what else to do about the situation and I'm at my witts end with all of it at this point I don't see anything else to do but leave because I keep trying to try other things and it guys no where and I turn it to be the bad guy because I care. He just doesn't see that well he does see it but doesn't do anything 

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First hand you should know, people fall off the wagon more so than others. There's a chance you will too. With addiction they have to hit rock bottom and want to change, he isn't there yet. As long as you are there taking care of everything and him, he will feel comfortable enough to keep his addiction. In other words you being there enables him. If you have ever watched intervention, the only way is to walk away if they refuse. Tough love is what he needs.

Plus if he keeps his addiction, that can trigger you to go back to it. I think an ultimatum in in order here.

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Yup, all responses are correct.  Addictions are crazy hard to stop! 😕 

And yes, it does affect those around them.

He has not changed, he may never change and end up successful with this. 

No, you cannot change him or make him better....So, you're at the end of your rope.. ya think?

My first ex was an alcy, most of his family was.  I was totally unaware and was all new to me. I did not grow up with alcohol... we ended within about 9 yrs.

If you are this frustrated now, not a lot you can do, except look out for YOU now.

 

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3 hours ago, GrEeN eYeS15 said:

I have gone to treatment and I have successfully completed my treatment and do go to ppl for help I've tried having him get involved.

How long have you been completely clean and sober? Focus on that.

If he's dragging you down, you need to divorce him. Nagging a drug addict/alcoholic is never successful.

If you don't beat this for yourself you'll end up in jail, an ER, comatose from an OD or seriously injured or with serious legal problems or a morgue slab. If you stay married to him this risk will be exponential and you'll be legally on the hook for his activities.

Do this for yourself. Make your life matter.

 If he choses a self-destructive path, you can't fix him.

 

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