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Lostatsee

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The issues in my marriage stem from my husband was married to a horrific hideous obese woman before me and it made me feel like I lowered my standards being with him. Yes I know it is a mentally messed up issue all on me but it is what it is. In return the issue caused me to welcome attention from other men to boost my ego , even though it never went further than just flirting. That caused a sick cycle. My husband would get mad resulting in fights where he would scream, cuss & call me every name possible to hurt me for hours on end even though I would ball up in a corner begging him to stop. This became a constant cycle for years. Even though my flirting stopped and I purposely do not have friends, because I don't want to expose anyone to his fights they have progressively gotten worse to physical abuse. Now to make matters worse when one of his fights happens and he goes outta control, he will go and broadcast everything bad about me to anyone he can find to listen, even posting publicly on social media how awful I am. 

He has said he will stop and has gotten a lil better but the fact is he did it in the 1st place. When his fights happen, they ignite from anything and it's like he is another outta control person that I don't recognize. What do I do stay and try to help him or run like hell cause someone like this can't change!?!

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1 minute ago, Lostatsee said:

 That caused a sick cycle. My husband would get mad resulting in fights where he would scream, cuss & call me every name possible to hurt me for hours on end even though I would ball up in a corner begging him to stop. This became a constant cycle for years.

Read up on abusive relationships and cycle of violence. Enlist the help of friends and family to extricate yourself from this.

Talk to an attorney privately and confidentially about the abuse and your options in divorce.

Flirting to 'boost your ego' won't help you get out of an abusive situation.

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Agree with @Wiseman2.

I'm sorry you're going through this, but it's finally time for your wake up call. Because of this abusive man, you're isolated and neglected. He does not AT ALL treat you right. You might be very in the deep, but that little voice in you knows life isn't like this and you need to be happy and treated with respect. Listen to that voice, and start planning an exit + divorce. See how you can leave WITHOUT informing him. Either you throw his stuff out and change the locks, or you leave and crash at family's place until you find yourself an affordable studio/apartment. If you tell him, he will belittle and abuse you. He'll guilt trip and make fun of you. So don't. Until then, stay low on arguments and protect yourself. He's a horrible human being. Please, please talk to family or a professional, and be gentle on yourself.

It's time for you to be free from all this. You have it in you. So go.

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Also: do NOT share your new/temporary address. Block him on the phone once you leave and ask your lawyer to request all communication to go through him or via email. Your husband's ego will go crazy once he'll know you're leaving his a** and he would want to follow you, hurt you or even lie to you to say "he'll change". But he is what he is.. for years. A person that loves you would never treat you like this. Never.

So think it through.

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He wont stop that. He stooped to physical violence level. A guy like that, I wouldnt be surprised if he doesnt let you leave. So I would just leave without telling him. If you dont have anywhere to leave, there are safe houses designed specifically for cases of domestic violence like yours. They will offer shelter and any other help including legal help.

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6 hours ago, Lostatsee said:

it made me feel like I lowered my standards being with him.

So, what drew you to this individual?

And you actually stayed with him for years!

6 hours ago, Lostatsee said:

a constant cycle for years

Anyhow, in reply to your question.  Run as fast as you can, your existence is a nightmare, seek legal and other professional advice. 

6 hours ago, Lostatsee said:

stay and try to help him or run like hell cause someone like this can't change!?!

 

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Even though YOU seeked comfort in 'other men', then stopped, it did set him off, possibly.. but no reason to abuse a partner!

Not sure why you let it go on.. for years?

But is time to get away from this 'abuser'.  He will not change.  He's an angry man.

 

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