Girlfriend has become Cold and Less Loving after a Great Start

[John123456789]

i think it's extremely unlikely as well that she will come back to be honest i'm just trying to be realistic. this has caused so much damage to our relationship i think it would be so hard to build it back up to the trust we had at one point before

[Rose Mosse]

5 minutes ago, John123456789 said:

feel like i'm stuck in a dumb situation. i text her but i never say i miss her or am looking forward to seeing her and definetely don't say how crazy in love with her i am at least for the last 2-3 weeks now since she started acting cold. i generally do wait for her to contact me first now and she texts now in a very platonic way.

 

Absolutely i don't expect her to change her mind now but i want to leave a good last impresssion on her of saying i love her and want the best for her, give her a kiss and say goodbye and contact me back if she wants to otherwise we part our ways but i want a really good ending for her and me to remember if this is it, not just a short phone call saying i cant go on. i know this probably sounds really gratuitous and silly but this is what i want. i had break ups before over text but that was honestly when i was pulling away and the girl broke up with me over text and as i was the one pulling away and thinking about breaking up first it didn't bother me as much.

 

i'm in an annoying situation where we agreed not to meet for 2 weeks and i really want to say goodbye in person so just really stressed with the waiting.

i do really appreciate this of course and i was a strong confident person before this relationship and know i can be the same again in not too long a time and get back to it this has just really knocked me and made me question what i do as a boyfriend and in a realtionship and if i should do anything to prevent a pattern emerging as i want a committed and loving relationship with a woman who wants me as much as i want her

It's ok to make mistakes and to find yourself growing or evolving and wanting to change or do things differently. If you're going to meet her keep your expectations lowered. People can react in different ways to a break up. She may also say things that hurt you as opposed to giving you closure or a peaceful end which is what you seem to want. Make room for that. You seem to still idealize her and expect her to behave in a certain way. She may even tell you she has already moved on to someone else so as long as this isn't romanticized you will be ok. 

If that's what you feel most comfortable doing in 2 weeks then so be it. Although I don't know why you have to wait for two weeks. You can simplify this and just ask her to meet you earlier if she's available and put an end to your misery instead of dragging this out longer.

In the meantime , start hanging out with your friends and look into old or existing or new hobbies and interests that keep you engaged and busy. Stay off instagram and social media if it's ramping up your anxiety and you're feeling unwell about it. Waiting in trepidation for 2 weeks would be damaging to me and setting yourself up for more disappointment. Have other things going on and talk to other people. Do you have family around?

[DancingFool]

20 hours ago, John123456789 said:

She did talk about her ex a lot though although to be fair she was with him from when she was 15 to the age of 21 so most of her teenage/adult life had been with him really and so most of her experiences in the past had been with him

You can dissect everything you've done and beat yourself up 100 different ways before breakfast, buuut ^ this is what you need to actually take away from this. Could have told you from the get go that your relationship will abruptly end with some form or version of "I need to go find myself."

First of all, she is still at an age/stage of life where she is still trying to figure out who she is and what she wants in life. Second, she is well behind the curve because she spent so much time in a one relationship. So yes, it was her whole life experience and only point of reference for anything and everything. No surprise there that it would come up often and has nothing to do with her not being past that. It's literally the only life experience she has.

Basically, you ended up dating a ticking time bomb that was going to go off sooner or later in terms of her feeling that need/urge to be free, be single, explore, sort out who she is, what she wants, experience more life outside of committed relationships.

It doesn't matter if you were the best bf ever or the worst, because that urge was going to rise up regardless. Her sexual orientation is also irrelevant here. It's a life stage/life experience issue. Next time, don't ignore that.

Also, if you want a running partner or someone who is active you have soooo many choices out there. Head up and onwards. Don't beat yourself up, but know that once you are ready to date, you have choices and lots of them. Just remember to combine feelings with sound judgment as well when committing to someone.

[John123456789]

so she has agreed to come to my house on sunday to talk i think we both know what it is about

[MissCanuck]

9 minutes ago, John123456789 said:

so she has agreed to come to my house on sunday to talk i think we both know what it is about

Yes, I think you do. 

Are you sure you are prepared to have this talk face-to-face? It's going to hurt like hell. 

[John123456789]

i took the plunge just did it on the phone told her i loved her and to come back if she wants but i’ll also see other people

[John123456789]

it’s done i’m alone now

[John123456789]

i know it’s unhealthy but just for now i am dealing with it by the hope she’ll come back

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, John123456789 said:

i took the plunge just did it on the phone told her i loved her and to come back if she wants but i’ll also see other people.

i know it’s unhealthy but just for now i am dealing with it by the hope she’ll come back

Why would you say something this insulting? Were you drinking?

Did she even respond to this nonsense?

After that remark, it sounds like you wanted the final nail in the coffin. 

You're not "all alone". You have friends, family, coworkers, neighbors and dating apps. Not to mention physicians and therapists to deal with maudlin fatalistic thinking.

The melodrama will only turn women off (just like posting a shrine to an ex on  social media). Take a break. Stop. 

It's not a crisis or the end of the world. It's a too young bisexual woman you dated 28 weeks, suffocated, and launched into a way too much, way too soon whirlwind romance.

[boltnrun]

2 hours ago, John123456789 said:

i took the plunge just did it on the phone told her i loved her and to come back if she wants but i’ll also see other people

Did you think threatening her would make her want to come back?

Unfortunately you have done just about everything the opposite of what should have been done. Hours long sex session on the first date, bombarding her with gifts and trips and "surprises", and now threatening to date others if she doesn't come back to you.

Why are you self sabotaging? Where are you getting these ideas from?

I do agree it was time for the relationship to end because it was going to anyway. But try to take some time to think about what it is you want and how you can healthily go about finding the right woman for you.

[MissCanuck]

3 hours ago, John123456789 said:

told her i loved her and to come back if she wants but i’ll also see other people

What was the point of this comment?