Broke Up With My Bipolar Girlfriend Today After 3 Years

[girltalkCA]

I've been in a relationship with my gf for about 3 years now. She is Bipolar and recently had an episode about a month ago and back on meds after being off meds for about 2 years. I told her from day 1 that I own an investment property with my ex husband and other investor and that it is purely financial with no emotional ties.  She's never been accepting of that and feels like I am still being controlled by him.

Today, we finally broke up. It was mutual.  She recently went back on medication but is still elevated. I feel like I've been on a wild roller coaster ride. I don't really know what to believe...what words she said were true and what words were not. I feel very shocked and sad but also relived and not surprised.  She tried to check herself into a rehab center today because she feels like when she is in a manic state, she abuses alcohol. I've never really thought of her as an alcoholic, but she shared with me that in her past, mainly when she was manic, she abused alcohol, to the point of blacking out. We had a pretty mature break up, but I can tell she is still in a manic state. She said that perhaps we can "see how things go" down the road, and only "if" I get out of my investment.  She has always felt that I was still being controlled by my ex, even though, it was wholly my decision to get into it and for purely financial reasons.  I did share with her that things got heated and "physical" towards the end between my ex-husband and I, but all in all, we had a good relationship without any physical or emotional abuse. The thing that I don't understand is, when the person you supposedly care about rubs more salt into an already tender wound, meaning instead of being compassionate, kind, understanding when sharing these vulnerable details, she accuses, controls, manipulates and makes me feel less than. Till the very end, she kept insisting I need to get out of my investment and continued listing all of these things that "I" needed to do to fix myself but never mentioned anything that "she" needed to do or own up to. She did say she needs a break and to just get away from everything for awhile. I'm learning my ex gf was very judgmental, critical, and frankly, still in the middle of her illness and probably projecting her own fear/past experiences. I feel shocked, but not. Now, I am sitting here trying to make sense of it all and pick up my own pieces to move foreword with my life.  In some ways, I am relieved.

[boltnrun]

After the initial shock you will start to feel relief. Yes, you will also feel hurt, a sense of loss and even some mourning. But that's normal in every breakup. 

I hope you know this was for the best. She is unstable and needs to focus on getting well. And you need to focus on dealing with your feelings of fear regarding being single.

It will work out just fine.

[Wiseman2]

51 minutes ago, girltalkCA said:

.  She tried to check herself into a rehab center today because she feels like when she is in a manic state, she abuses alcohol. I've never really thought of her as an alcoholic, 

Sorry this happened. Perhaps this is the wake up call that she's a problematic individual.

She did the right thing checking into rehab. Leave her alone now.

You need to let go. You need to get over your divorce. Dragging baggage into relationships doesn't help anyone.

[SooSad33]

I know, deep inside you KNOW it is for the best.. You've come to see her a different way now.

How challenging she is... how unstable she is, etc.

None of this was any good for you 😕 ... She just keeps challenging you & it's draining.

Give it time... to work through all of this and get yourself back.. to good ❤️ .

And yes, you will come to see the light & relief soon enough.

Toxic.. is never good .

[Rose Mosse]

1 hour ago, girltalkCA said:

I am relieved.

This is telling because you've had the fear of judgment cease and you no longer have to keep defending your choices with someone whom you thought you could trust or who understands you. 

[lostandhurt]

Good on you.  I know it isn't easy but it was necessary.

Take some time to mourn the loss of the relationship and to just kind of take  breath without all the fear of her next episode.  You will not miss that I am sure.

  You did the right thing even though at times you will be sad and even lonely just keep telling yourself it was for the best.

You should go total NC and regroup your life.

Keep posting

Lost

[Keyman]

I honestly think this is for the best. By claiming your ex was still being controlling, it's almost like she's projecting her own controlling behaviour, which is most evident in your post. The level of gaslighting and emotional abuse is almost suggestive of a need for narcissitic supply.

[Jibralta]

14 hours ago, Keyman said:

By claiming your ex was still being controlling, it's almost like she's projecting her own controlling behaviour, which is most evident in your post.

Agree!

[abitbroken]

Wonderful news for you!!!!!!!

I suggest that you cut contact - because she is going into rehab and can't communicate with anyone -- it is a gift to you to not hear from her for awhile.  And don't get back together - ever. There are healthy people out there for you to meet after a time of being single an figuring out who you are as a single person.

Don't get rid of that investment property - let it create a nice little retirement nest egg for you or sell only when it makes financial sense.