Having second thoughts

[Kripec]

I (22m) broke up with my girlfriend (19f) of 9 months 2 days ago because I didn’t think I was falling in love, while she was head over heels for me

i felt like I was wasting her time if I wasn’t sure if I saw a future with her and had been debating breaking things off for a month or so

now that we stopped texting I’m really starting to miss her, I’m wondering if I made a mistake? She truly cares about me and I’m sure it’s going to be hard to find someone with that amount of emotion

and I think a lot of the things I didn’t like were superficial and will change as she matures

but I know I can’t go back to her if I’m not sure and cause another heartbreak

i just can’t tell if I miss HER, or just having someone

maybe I should’ve given it more than 9 months?

[1a1a]

Nooooope. Don’t persist in dating someone where secretly you are hoping they’ll change x y z about themselves!

 

You made the right choice the first time, now you just have to navigate that post relationship loneliness by remembering who you are. 

[Rose Mosse]

You're only missing someone doting on you or being there for you (lonely). If you can't accept her the way she is, continue on your path forwards. Don't manipulate the situation or twist your mind into a pretzel believing that things might change if you'd given it more time. The break up is fresh and only two days ago. Give yourself six months or a year or even longer if you need to to get used to being single and move on when you're ready. Don't rush healing. Spend time with your friends and family and get back into your regular routines.

She deserves to find someone who accepts every part of her and you should be with someone with whom you don't doubt so much. Give yourself more time to recover after the break up. Besides, how believable are you at all if you were to go back to her saying you're sorry and you've changed your mind? 

[MissCanuck]

2 hours ago, Kripec said:

i just can’t tell if I miss HER, or just having someone

I can nearly gurantee it's the latter. 

It's great that she cared a lot about you, but you did not the feel the same way. One-sided relationships don't work in the long run. There needs to be mutual interest in each other and you didn't really have that here. Not enough to keep things going, anyway. 

3 hours ago, Kripec said:

I’m sure it’s going to be hard to find someone with that amount of emotion

Probably not, actually. You're only 22 and naturally won't have seen a lot of life yet, but what you're describing is not that rare. And again, I will emphasize the fact that it's not enough to keep a relaitonship alive when your interest level in her is not the same. 

[Kwothe28]

6 hours ago, Kripec said:

maybe I should’ve given it more than 9 months?

"Honeymoon" phase(early part of a couple's relationship where everything seems carefree and happy) lasts from 6 months to 2 years. For you, after 9 months that is over and you are starting to see cracks and wonder if you love her. If you are not feeling it after that(usually what you got left after that time is what you got from relationship), giving it more time will not change that. You would get used to her(as you did even now, hence why doubts about break up) but will probably never love her in a true sense of that word. You are both young so you both will find somebody better in time. Staying there just for the sake of it wont do any of you favors.

[SooSad33]

13 hours ago, Kripec said:

now that we stopped texting I’m really starting to miss her, I’m wondering if I made a mistake? She truly cares about me and I’m sure it’s going to be hard to find someone with that amount of emotion

You did right...

And yes, you will find someone again with 'that much emotion'.

This is how it is after a BU.  You admitted not feeling the same as she does - and this after 9 mos.  If you don't by now, you never will.

Missing someone will happen for a bit.. but things will ease off... You're both having to take time now on accepting what is.

You're right, she is 19, still young and you two just didn't mesh.  It's okay.

Give it time.. deep breaths... Maybe consider getting a Journal to 'get it out' of your system.. Say all you want there, but don't send to her.

It's done now... it happens.. we move on.

[greendots]

21 hours ago, Kripec said:

now that we stopped texting I’m really starting to miss her

In what way? This might give you some clues as to whether you're missing her or being with someone.

 

21 hours ago, Kripec said:

and I think a lot of the things I didn’t like were superficial and will change as she matures

For example?

[throoawao]

Hi Kripec,

I'm kind of going through the same thing on the opposite side of the boat. My 3.5 yr long relationship ended because he broke things off due to feelings of insecurity about his feelings towards me, and perhaps me being more invested in the relationship than him. I don't know how he felt 9 months in, but I presume if it were anything like it is today, he also would've broken things off.
Similarly, when I was 17 I was in about a 5 month relationship with a guy who recently got out of a 2-3 yr relationship, and he was not emotionally available at all, and he broke things off when they were getting more serious. I respect him till this day, though I was upset that our feelings were not mutual at the time, I am happy he broke things off because our feelings weren't aligned.
In my opinion, you did the right, mature thing. If things were not right with her, you shouldn't force yourself to see them as right. I am a believer that if things are not right with someone, no one is perfect, and I'd try to talk and communicate these things with them, and if it doesn't change anything, then it's probably not meant to be. 

Besides, see how things go.  you guys are still young, date around, see what's out there. If life brings you back together, so be it-- though don't hold onto that thinking it'll definitely happen because it won't let you grow.

 

[Cherylyn]

If you have doubts and uncertain, then that little voice inside you is telling you that it was better for you to break up. 

[electricorchid]

9 mo is a long time, Statistically men know if they are in love within 3 mo. So the next time you date a girl for 3 mo and you don't feel anything don't string it out for longer, as it hurts us women more when you fake it and make us think you do for almost a year etc. Ever heard that saying "When you know you know?" Well, it's very true. and pertaining to your case, if you had even the slight of doubt no matter how much this girl cared about you, you just weren't that into her and she deserves to be happy with someone who doesnt blink twice and knows they are in love with her rather than doubting it. and so do you btw, everyone deserves that. No one deserves to be doubted.