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How to handle being ignored after so many dates


TanyaJo
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I'm dating this guy for a couple of months and had an amazing time. We did get physical around 5+ times as of now. He usually will text me the next day morning to check up on me or to plan a next meet for lunch or something. Last time we met, we went to my fav dinner place and watched a movie at his place then got physical but next day I got no text. So, I sent him a pic of something funny and his reply was just "Haha". It is crickets for the last 4 days. I have not reached out to him yet. I can see his home from my home, we are on the same street. It isn't like his phone broke or something, he is quite active on social media. I have no clue if he got bored of me and to my knowledge I did not say or do anything that could have upset him. He is a bit elderly so I give respect to his age and I believe he is not into playing games etc. I do not really know how to handle this and I also do not want to text him if he thinks of it as annoyance or being too available. Is it not fair to expect some sort of communication in a day or two regularly especially if you are exclusive? 

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27 minutes ago, TanyaJo said:

I have not reached out to him yet. I can see his home from my home, we are on the same street.He is a bit elderly so I give respect to his age and I believe he is not into playing games etc.

Invite him over for coffee/out to dinner/over for dinner/out to lunch.

Maybe it's your turn to initiate and invite him or reach out to him. Maybe he's tired of doing all the work?

What do you mean by "elderly"? A few years older than you or a 70 y/o grandpa?

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Posted (edited)
1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

Invite him over for coffee/out to dinner/over for dinner/out to lunch.

Maybe it's your turn to initiate and invite him or reach out to him. Maybe he's tired of doing all the work?

What do you mean by "elderly"? A few years older than you or a 70 y/o grandpa?

Last time it was me who initiated the date, I wanted to take him to this fav place of mine and I paid the bill etc. He is in his 60s and I'm in my mid 30s 

Edited by TanyaJo
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Elderly or not, he's a man with options. I know that even in those senior places, they get around. One of the highest rates of sexually transmitted diseases. I feel the age difference has him not taking this too seriously. It's possible you gave him the confidence to try for someone new. Have the talk if you wish more than casual.

Edited by smackie9
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If you don't like how he acts as you think an exclusive partner should, then why continue dating him? If a guy I'd been dating several months and we shared intimacy so many times didn't want to hear my voice once a day, I'd figure he just wasn't that in to me.

Your self esteem is lacking if all you're thinking of is things that are wrong with you and that you fear doing things that will further "annoy" him. 

Not once have you said that he doesn't meet YOUR needs. The point of dating is to keep the ones who do and release the ones who don't. I wouldn't even have a discussion of your wants at this point. If a guy doesn't care to talk to you daily with how long you two have been together, then it means he really doesn't care.

Of course, there are extremely independent people out there who don't want to enmesh themselves with another like this. But like should date like in these cases.

People with a 20 year or more age gap relationship have a 95 percent failure rate. Why would you want to date someone in such a far different age stage than you? He's likely moving into retirement years and you have another 30 years to work. You want to be with a guy whereas you may have to nurse him through his elderly health problems, just as one often does with their own parents? Driving him to medical appointments when he has to hang up the car keys? Be realistic here about what it means to date someone his age. He's not good bf material anyway. 

Edited by Andrina
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I think ignoring you is rude.  I think the age gap is a clue - I agree he probably didn’t take you too seriously or see you as a potentially serious partner.  Are you sure he’s feeling ok - despite posting on social media. Also after all this time do you initiate dates and offer to pay?

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3 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I think ignoring you is rude.  I think the age gap is a clue - I agree he probably didn’t take you too seriously or see you as a potentially serious partner.  Are you sure he’s feeling ok - despite posting on social media. Also after all this time do you initiate dates and offer to pay?

Ignoring is maybe a poor choice of word I used but he did not initiate text. I can see he has been a little busy with some garden and children visiting, but nothing so consuming that he cannot check how I am doing. We alternate and this time I chose to pay because I initiated the date. 

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His age shouldn't be an issue. Are you exclusive are are you assuming you're in an exclusive relationship? He could be seeing or speaking with other women. He doesn't sound very interested in you and the response "haha" is a lame attempt to respond with little interest. He may be more interested in women his own age or someone introduced him to someone else. 

Pick up the phone and call him if you really need to know or if you want to ask him out for coffee or have a talk. Otherwise, I'd simply move on. You have to stop the next door neighbour spying. If he's not initiating anymore dates or appears lukewarm, he's not interested in seeing you. 

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11 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

His age shouldn't be an issue. Are you exclusive are are you assuming you're in an exclusive relationship? He could be seeing or speaking with other women. He doesn't sound very interested in you and the response "haha" is a lame attempt to respond with little interest. He may be more interested in women his own age or someone introduced him to someone else. 

Pick up the phone and call him if you really need to know or if you want to ask him out for coffee or have a talk. Otherwise, I'd simply move on. You have to stop the next door neighbour spying. If he's not initiating anymore dates or appears lukewarm, he's not interested in seeing you. 

My self respect stops me from doing that i.e initiating the conversation. Should I wait for couple of more days and if still not text, then assume it is over? He was the one who brought up exclusivity and I was seeing a couple of more people when I met him. I had to stop seeing other men of my age for him because I was genuinely attracted to him. 

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20 minutes ago, TanyaJo said:

 I can see he has been a little busy with some garden and children visiting, but nothing so consuming that he cannot check how I am doing. 

He needs a life outside of dating, especially if he has adult kids and grand kids. It sounds like this is more casual for him. Is he widowed/recently divorced? 

He left the ball in your court, so if you are interested just text him. Not some joke, meme or other nonsense...but actual communication.

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5 minutes ago, TanyaJo said:

My self respect stops me from doing that i.e initiating the conversation. Should I wait for couple of more days and if still not text, then assume it is over? He was the one who brought up exclusivity and I was seeing a couple of more people when I met him. I had to stop seeing other men of my age for him because I was genuinely attracted to him. 

I would make the decision for it to be over (because it is not meeting my needs and I'm really not interested anymore myself). You only have to decide whether this turns you off or whether you want to talk about it going forward. Maybe he's not into incessant texting and has other commitments to tend to. I don't like texting. I usually leave my phone in my bag after 4 pm. 

You can wait and see or decide for yourself whether you're still interested and go from there. Just have a good idea of what you want or what turns you on. If this doesn't do it, move on.

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58 minutes ago, TanyaJo said:

He was the one who brought up exclusivity and I was seeing a couple of more people when I met him. I had to stop seeing other men of my age for him because I was genuinely attracted to him. 

This doesn't make any sense.  Typically it is the man who asks the woman to be exclusive.  You didn't have to stop seeing anyone else -unless you wanted to.  No one forced you.  It sounds like you decided to be exclusive with him because you were attracted to him - but did you feel like you were still interested in seeing other men but sacrificed for him?  That doesn't sound like a healthy decision -maybe he sensed that you weren't all in.

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11 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

This doesn't make any sense.  Typically it is the man who asks the woman to be exclusive.  You didn't have to stop seeing anyone else -unless you wanted to.  No one forced you.  It sounds like you decided to be exclusive with him because you were attracted to him - but did you feel like you were still interested in seeing other men but sacrificed for him?  That doesn't sound like a healthy decision -maybe he sensed that you weren't all in.

No, I mean he mentioned he usually is not comfortable with someone who isn't exclusive and he mentioned that he is, so, I decided to be exclusive too. 

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8 minutes ago, TanyaJo said:

No, I mean he mentioned he usually is not comfortable with someone who isn't exclusive and he mentioned that he is, so, I decided to be exclusive too. 

So again this might be a clue.  It sounds like you weren't over the moon excited to be his girlfriend and when he mentioned this and saw your reaction it was lukewarm.  That didn't give him the impression that you were all in.  Also it sounds like maybe he wanted sexual monogamy instead of being in an exclusively committed relationship?  I mean there's a difference between telling someone you want exclusivity "to feel comfortable" vs. wanting the person to be in a committed, potentially serious relationship because you see potential and are really into that person and don't desire to be with anyone else. Maybe both of you were a bit lukewarm?

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Wow.. 30's and 60's?  😕 .

You do realize he was close to 30 when you were born? So, this is kinda like dating your daughter... So, why?

I feel the guy is acting like this is a FWB situation.  

IF someone is truly interested, they'd leave no questions.  But, you would see it from them.

 instead you go days with no words?  

I think you said your prefer HE contact you first?  Why?  Do you think he is maybe testing you somehow?

Either way, I don't approve of games.  You're either in it or your out.

I'd let this one go.

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41 minutes ago, TanyaJo said:

 not sure what to reply. 

Why not? You're dating 2 mos. and sleeping together. Why pretend to be coy if you're having sex and dating exclusively?

Certainly a simple communication is not that big a deal.

Try not to play games under the false pretense of "self-respect", as far as delaying replies, not texting first, etc.

These games are for teens not a mature man with a life of his own. 

Edited by Wiseman2
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2 hours ago, TanyaJo said:

Ok, he just texted "how are you and how was your weekend" not sure what to reply. 

I would call him.  "Hi I got your text -how are you?"  Listen to what he has to say.  Just listen.  If he has little to say end the call -if he asks how your weekend was simply respond - "oh I [list one thing you did you wanted to do, one thing you planned and didn't do, like that ").  Then simply say you just wanted to follow up on his text and figured it would be nice to actually speak instead of type.  If he has nothing more to add or share, say "ok great catching up -have a good day!"

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Hi everyone, thank you so much for the advice. I replied stating that my weekend was fun and asked how he is doing? he mentioned family commitments has kept him busy and would like to meet me again but not sure when, and it would depend on his daughters schedule with him. He seemed genuinely busy. I agreed to meet him but asked him to give me enough notice. 

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2 minutes ago, TanyaJo said:

Hi everyone, thank you so much for the advice. I replied stating that my weekend was fun and asked how he is doing? he mentioned family commitments has kept him busy and would like to meet me again but not sure when, and it would depend on his daughters schedule with him. He seemed genuinely busy. I agreed to meet him but asked him to give me enough notice. 

So he asked to be exclusive, but now he is treating you as a casual arrangement if/when he has some time and feels like it. Is this really acceptable to you?

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9 minutes ago, TanyaJo said:

Hi everyone, thank you so much for the advice. I replied stating that my weekend was fun and asked how he is doing? he mentioned family commitments has kept him busy and would like to meet me again but not sure when, and it would depend on his daughters schedule with him. He seemed genuinely busy. I agreed to meet him but asked him to give me enough notice. 

When does he find out his daughter's schedule? 

And how do you feel or what do you think about his response? Are you interested, engaged, happy, bored, turned off? 

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28 minutes ago, TanyaJo said:

he mentioned family commitments has kept him busy and would like to meet me again but not sure when, and it would depend on his daughters schedule with him. 

Excellent. Perhaps his adult children/grandkids are visiting. Perfectly normal.

Make sure there's enough going on with your friends, family (although you probably don't have the family situation he has), hobbies, interests, groups, clubs, volunteering and work.

He's not treating you like a casual arrangement. He may be babysitting his grandkids for his daughter and that's fine.

He's old enough to be your father, so he has different priorities and a fuller life.

Edited by Wiseman2
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He’s not making a plan in advance with you because you’re low on the priority list.  He doesn’t care if your schedule in the next few weeks gets filled up because he didn’t take the opportunity to make a plan in advance. He’s not that into you IMHO. 

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