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Hooking up with a girl who has a boyfriend.


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1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

Why do you need people who are drunk to act is if they are sexually attracted to you?

Who said anything about these other women being drunk? Ann was obviously drunk, but there were other women present who seemed both interested in me and in a perfectly sober, clear state of mind.

Edited by That36guy
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Just now, That36guy said:

Who said anything about these other woman being drunk? Ann was obviously drunk, but there were other women present who seemed both interested in me and in a perfectly sober, clear state of mind.

I didn't.  Did you read what I wrote? What I am saying is that if you're going to have intercourse with someone you don't know in a place where alcohol is served you won't know if she is buzzed/able to consent unless you know she is not drinking at all for a dietary or religious reason (even if she tells you you can't be sure, also people drink alcohol or drugged drinks without being aware).  Consider before you do this:  how are you going to protect yourself against STDs?  What is your plan if the woman gets pregnant or claims you are the father?  Are you ready financially and emotionally to father a child at this point? 

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6 hours ago, LotusBlack said:

Consent is a very serious issue and you can destroy someone’s entire life if you don’t absolutely have it. I think you are too childish and too self-focused to be anywhere near women with this agenda in mind. Do some emotional growing up first and then think about pursing a woman.

OP. Could you address the points made in Lotus' post?

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Do you want to date and find a girlfriend?  Or do you want some female to allow you to have sexual intercourse with her so you can "lose" your virginity and not be the last one in your gaming friend group to do so?

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Just now, boltnrun said:

Or do you want some female to allow you to have sexual intercourse with her so you can "lose" your virginity and not be the last one in your gaming friend group to do so?

Yes, Bolt, and this lies at the heart of the matter. 

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15 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

how are you going to protect yourself against STDs?  What is your plan if the woman gets pregnant or claims you are the father?  Are you ready financially and emotionally to father a child at this point? 

I brought a condom with me to the party and that’s what I plan to do during future events.

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39 minutes ago, That36guy said:

I brought a condom with me to the party and that’s what I plan to do during future events.

Condoms alone especially without spermicide are not very effective against pregnancy.  Especially if you’re not accustomed to putting them on properly or removing them properly.  She would also need a form of birth control as a back up.  Consider again how you would deal with a pregnancy. 

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2 hours ago, That36guy said:

You back off. Every time you comment, you prove to just be a nagging thorn in my side. I’m not responding to you anymore after this.

It’s true, though. I’ve tried to offer some helpful and insightful points/advice in your threads and you never acknowledge a single thing.

You are playing with fire when you head into a situation that you’re not able to read well, then make choices based on those ill-read situations. You’re going to end up in trouble, either with an STD or pregnancy, as Bolt has discussed, or having serious claims made against you regarding your conduct and if you crossed boundaries. How do you not see the issue with targeting women that are a certain degree drunk so that you may have a better chance at having sex??

If you aren’t able to receive consent from someone sober, then you know that, for sure, waiting until they are under the influence definitely means that they cannot give consent, even if they say the words. Why even take that risk?? And, it was you who first questioned us here about the ethics of doing just such a thing. That you cannot recognise the problem with this thinking is what is concerning people.

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32 minutes ago, LotusBlack said:

I’ve tried to offer some helpful and insightful points/advice in your threads and you never acknowledge a single thing.

I think, and it has occurred to me too, that OP has considerable difficulty in "reading" situations, and people. 

32 minutes ago, LotusBlack said:

you head into a situation that you’re not able to read well, then make choices based on those ill-read situations.

 "...being too literal and/or having difficulty understanding non-verbal communications, such as body language."

"focused on the socially anxious, who can struggle with reading emotions because they find social interactions unpredictable or confusing."

Certainly the OP himself has remarked on occasion that he is socially awkward. 

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You shouldnt get mad at people trying to help you. Often times we dont see clearly, or dont want to see from some reason, the situation we are in. You asked for advice and people answered. You may not like the advice but again , people are generally trying to be helpful so you shouldnt get mad. 

3 hours ago, That36guy said:

Who said anything about these other women being drunk? Ann was obviously drunk, but there were other women present who seemed both interested in me and in a perfectly sober, clear state of mind.

Did you approach any of them? People have been saying that you should get out of your "comfort zone" and meet and talk to those women. So you should never wonder "what if". Just hooking up is fine if we are talking about single, non-drunk women. But you need to get to that part first. And you will never do it unless you start to approach them

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What do you do?
You turn down any advance from a drunk woman, no matter who they are = boyfriend or no boyfriend.   If there is pressure from your friends to not be the last to "lose" your virginity, get new friends!   Friends that don't care whether you have been previously married and divorced, never had any sexual experiences or had a ton. Make friends that have higher standards.     If you let your desire to 'score' get in the way, it would have had dire repurcussions at work and you could have even been arrested for rape because she was too drunk to properly consent.

When you see Anne, pretend like nothing happened - that she did not embarass herself -- afterall, you didn't make a move -- and pretend you did not hear what she had said drunk (except the part about having a boyfriend).  Offer to call her boyfried or sister to drive her home if you see her at another party drunk or ask a female friend to do so.

do you want a girlfriend or go on dates or do you want to be a creep who tries to take advantage just to win esteem with your gamer friends?

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I also have asked this question, @abitbroken

@That36guy, do you want dates and a girlfriend?  Or do you just want to get laid so you're not a virgin anymore?

And if it's the latter, what do you think this would accomplish?  Would you strut around announcing "I'm not a virgin!  I had sex!" to your friends?  Would that make you a better person?

Edited by boltnrun
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3 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I also have asked this question, @abitbroken

@That36guy, do you want dates and a girlfriend?  Or do you just want to get laid so you're not a virgin anymore?

And if it's the latter, what do you think this would accomplish?  Would you strut around announcing "I'm not a virgin!  I had sex!" to your friends?  Would that make you a better person?

Yes- kind of tacky to "kiss and tell"

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