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Male neighbor knocks on my door


LoreliFinn
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Don't answer the door.  Ignore when he knocks on your door.

When you see him, say "hello" as you would any neighbor yet keep it at that.  Remain courteous, respectful and kind while enforcing healthy boundaries for yourself. 

Don't bother.  He's not your responsibility.  Be nice but not too nice.  Possess decorum while maintaining a safe distance. 

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Honestly this sounds like a neighbor in my neighborhood. It has to do with being lonely and needing some human interactions, nothing to do with dating or even really being friends. This guy sounds isolated, so yeah he is doing odd things like looking at people outside; since maybe he can't himself.

OP you seem to be looking for motivations that just don't seem to match up with the what we've been told. If you don't enjoy conversing then don't invite him or out on a date by any means, but also don't ascribe motivations that aren't evident.

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20 minutes ago, Coily said:

Honestly this sounds like a neighbor in my neighborhood. It has to do with being lonely and needing some human interactions, nothing to do with dating or even really being friends.

Agree. This not a dating opportunity or stalking situation. See if he may be eligible for meals on wheels or some other housebound senior services. Try to have compassion.

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For people on here who feel it's necessary to criticize on this site, think twice. We are on this site for support.  Any negative comments and assumptions  are going to be ignored.  Don't even bother please.

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33 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Agree. This not a dating opportunity or stalking situation. See if he may be eligible for meals on wheels or some other housebound senior services. Try to have compassion.

I wouldn’t assume this man is necessarily lonely. Staring, peeking at the OP through curtains and generally making someone else uncomfortable are not signs of friendly, neighbourly behaviour. Also knocking on someone’s door uninvited and complaining about random, unrelated things to a stranger doesn’t sound healthy. Since the OP has a history of being overly nice and permissive, I would suggest that having too much compassion or tolerating others making her uncomfortable is not the right way to go. Healthy boundaries are more important than ‘being nice’.
 

OP, listen to your gut. If it feels creepy, uncomfortable or ‘off’ somehow, please don’t engage with the person, whoever that may be. You actually don’t need to know the reason behind it, you just need to heed it for your own well-being.

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39 minutes ago, LoreliFinn said:

For people on here who feel it's necessary to criticize on this site, think twice. We are on this site for support.  Any negative comments and assumptions  are going to be ignored.  Don't even bother please.

I think I asked this as well as a few other people.

Do you actually want anything from this guy? A date? Friendship?

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19 hours ago, LoreliFinn said:

Is this just the way men are these days, at first? Self centered?

Some men are self-centred, and some women are self-centred. 

And what Coily said:

"OP you seem to be looking for motivations that just don't seem to match up with the what we've been told. If you don't enjoy conversing then don't invite him or out on a date by any means, but also don't ascribe motivations that aren't evident."

Edited by LaHermes
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Yeah, I'm still trying to figure out why you think he wants to date you.

I talk to my neighbors.  We complain about the construction noise coming from next door. But I'm not trying to date any of them. In fact,  I'd think it was strange if any of them thought me complaining about noise means I'm angling for a date.

Can you please clarify why you think he's trying to date you? 

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1 hour ago, LoreliFinn said:

For people on here who feel it's necessary to criticize on this site, think twice. We are on this site for support.  Any negative comments and assumptions  are going to be ignored.  Don't even bother please.

Yes.  So please don’t speculate that all men are self centered.  That’s a fairly negative assumption.  And in my personal experience untrue.  I’m sorry you’ve encountered men who acted in a self centered way with you.  Those individuals are not all men. 

Edited by Batya33
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I think you're getting way ahead of yourself here.  I am struggling to figure out how you came to the idea that maybe he wants to date you ...... and then jumping to men being self-centred?  It sounds more like a lonely old man who wanted to chat.  Harmless human interaction in these very trying times we are living in.

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5 hours ago, Cherylyn said:

Don't answer the door.  Ignore when he knocks on your door.

When you see him, say "hello" as you would any neighbor yet keep it at that.  Remain courteous, respectful and kind while enforcing healthy boundaries for yourself. 

Don't bother.  He's not your responsibility.  Be nice but not too nice.  Possess decorum while maintaining a safe distance. 

I think this covers it well. Simple and to the point. No need to overthink and over analyze and let the imagination get away with you.

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On 7/28/2021 at 8:39 PM, LoreliFinn said:

Is this just the way men are these days, at first? Self centered?

Ghaaad, no.

If you're 'too nice,' maybe you're attracting what nobody else would put up with?

Use an app to screen your meets, and skip the whiners.

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14 hours ago, Capricorn3 said:

I think you're getting way ahead of yourself here.  I am struggling to figure out how you came to the idea that maybe he wants to date you ...... and then jumping to men being self-centred?  It sounds more like a lonely old man who wanted to chat.  Harmless human interaction in these very trying times we are living in.

Worth flagging up Capri. I fully agree.

 

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Old guy just wanted to talk to someone because he's lonely...maybe estranged from his family, etc. Old people just do that...they talk your ear off. My next door neighbor always stuck his head over the fence like MR. Wilson as I pulled up in the driveway . Then one day his wife finally gave him crap.."For Christ sake, she just got home from work! leave her alone Bob! He did the same thing to my husband too lol. Now it's a wave, how ya doin and that's it.

IMO no matter what, it's always good to know your neighbors. They will keep a watchful eye on your place while you are away, etc.

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Agree Smackie.  One day we may all be glad that someone gives us a pleasant word in passing.  Nowadays with the way the world is and the rampant ageism old people can be so marginalised. I agree that he is just probably a lonely old person.

 

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1 minute ago, LaHermes said:

 I agree that he is just probably a lonely old person.

Agree. Also have had little old ladies/gents just want to stop and chitchat (especially about health problems).😴

Someone in a walker doesn't exactly seem to fit the profile of a skirt chaser or stalker. 😈

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When I was a child, an elderly couple habitually walked long distances to my front porch unannounced, rang the doorbell and expected a drink of water and visit with us on our living room sofa.  This happened whether my single parent mother was at work or not.  At the time, I was my younger siblings' babysitter.  I invited them into my house, gave them a cold beverage and we chatted in the living room while they wiped their brow on a hot day.  I requested their advanced notice to no avail.  After their several consecutive visits, I decided to deliberately NOT answer the doorbell anymore.  They continued to walk a long way and repeatedly rang my doorbell.  They sat on my front porch to rest and left.  Eventually, they stopped walking a long way and ringing my doorbell.  At first, I felt "guilty" for ignoring them and then it made sense to me that in this society, rudeness is intolerable and unacceptable.   You can't just simply drop in on people like that.  Excuse me?  Have you heard of a "brand new" invention called a phone?  📞

I never saw this couple again and if my family and I ever did, I'm sure we would've chatted with them politely and briefly in public. 

There is nothing wrong with being kind because I fully support being kind.  However, people also have to practice common sense decent manners as well. 

I admire those who don't mind impositions or if they don't consider it to be impositions.  Some of us want boundaries with others and common courtesy.

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Some of the most interesting conversations I have had have been with elderly people, many of whom led extraordinary lives.  I find their wisdom and insight amazing, and their courtesy.   Some are relatives, others are not. 

And any I have met casually certainly did not go on and on about their health problems. L. 

We would do well to remember that (barring accident or other unexpected events) we shall all reach old age one day. 

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12 minutes ago, LaHermes said:

Some of the most interesting conversations I have had have been with elderly people, many of whom led extraordinary lives.  I find their wisdom and insight amazing, and their courtesy.   Some are relatives, others are not. 

And any I have met casually certainly did not go on and on about their health problems. L. 

We would do well to remember that (barring accident or other unexpected events) we shall all reach old age one day. 

I agree, LaHermes.  Elderly people are walking history books and possess a wealth of wisdom. 

When my church ministry group visited nursing homes, we washed their hands, feet and freely gave the elderly manicures and pedicures.  The wheelchair bound were so lonely and craved human interaction.  We chatted for hours every week and every month for years. 

We will all reach old age one day.  I agree. 

I just don't like anyone suddenly appearing up on my doorstep without any warning and expecting hospitality from me when I didn't receive any ounce of common courtesy whatsoever.  People are very busy with their own lives.  I chat publicly and I invite others into my home if we have an agreed upon plan or schedule since most people have jobs, tasks, chores, errands, households to maintain, sometimes we're not home, parents aren't home or there are family commitments.    

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I can assure no one, but no one, turns up on my doorstep without prior notification. Lol. Emergencies aside, that is. We are away a lot, and, like most people, have work commitments, tasks, appointments and the usual day to day stuff.  I am definitely not a lady of leisure!

 

 

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