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Help! I don't understand the concept of marriage!


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31 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I didn't get the impression the OP is interested in "owning" his partner. Nor that he wanted to be talked into marriage.

I hope he comes back to let us know how the conversation went.

I agree Bolt.

As regards surnames. I have both my maiden name and my husband's name.  Two of my married nephew's their wives have kept their maiden names and those are the names they work under. 

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4 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Probably semantics but to me "too nice" when it's more than rare comes from a place of insecurity and or passivity and to me is not "nice" at all.

I am suspicious of anyone who is "too nice" due to bad experiences with people who've been "too nice" to me in the past.  In  my experience, people who were "too nice" tended to be moody, temperamental, phony, fake, pretentious and "on" only when they felt like it.  "Too nice" people are quite the charming lot and know how to play you psychologically.  I don't buy into that mind game and head trip anymore.  Then when they grew tired of being "too nice" towards me,  they demonstrated their true colors to me.  Suddenly, they became ungracious, unkind, obnoxiously rude, ill mannered, very inconsiderate, frosty and disdainful.  Or, at best, all they could afford to give me was forced civility.  I'm out.  I don't accept nor tolerate that type of ________. 

Also, people who've been "too nice" to me in the past were only were very nice to me because they needed me whether it was my money, time, labor, care or if I could somehow benefit them.  Then when they no longer needed me nor did I continue to benefit them, they simply transformed into a very cold, ghosted person whether in person or electronically.  Those bad memories stung badly and harsh lessons I will never forget. 

Anyone who acts abnormally and unnaturally overzealous is a red flag to me.  My gut instincts and intuition are always correct and right on the mark. 

Life taught me a lot of street smarts.  I've since graduated from the 'University of Hard Knocks.'   (School of Hard Knocks)  "Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me." 

Edited by Cherylyn
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"Nice" is so meaningless. And a much overused word. I agree. And there is a vast difference between being "nice" and being "good".  (Think Irish Murdoch's book "The Nice and the Good").

Or as my Grandmother would say: "Too sweet to be wholesome". lol. 

 

 

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1 minute ago, LaHermes said:

"Nice" is so meaningless. And a much overused word. I agree. And there is a vast difference between being "nice" and being "good".  (Think Irish Murdoch's book "The Nice and the Good").

Or as my Grandmother would say: "Too sweet to be wholesome". lol. 

 

 

How does this relate to the OP's question? Not intending to point out your post specifically, @LaHermes

Edited by boltnrun
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17 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

How does this relate to the OP's question? 

Bears no relation to the OP's topic.  Do so hope OP returns to comment on his particular situation. 

Yes, Bolt, I know what you are referring to. L.

The OP (in the U.K.) had the idea of a Cohabitation Agreement as he does not wish to marry as in, he is against the notion of marriage. But he felt that his GF would wish to marry. 

People who co-habit IMO are no less in stature than those who marry.  And to repeat a stat I gave days ago, around 3.3 million people (2016) co-habit in the U.K. 

And a little snippet:

"The Clandestine Marriage Act of 1753, popularly known as Lord Hardwicke's Act, marked the beginning of state involvement in marriage, says sociologist Carol Smart of the University of Manchester."

 

Edited by LaHermes
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