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Being ignored


amihan
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What do you do if your messages have been  consistently  seen zoned?

I stopped sending message to this a certain guy and act chill even though he is ignoring me.  I stopped for self-respect.  I even uninstalled my Messenger. 

But honestly, it hurts inside. I have been crying only for this. Am I being childish ? I tried to keep myself per-occupied at work to move on but it really hurts.

I don’t know why I feel fragile lately. Sorry, I really feel sad and I don’t feel opening up this to my friends and family. They are always busy.

I want to move on. I believe that I have not done something wrong. Perhaps, it’s definitely better to distance myself from him. Any suggestions to heal & move on?  What do you normally do to feel better ?

 

Edited by amihan
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I think you just have to ride the feelings out. You're doing the right things.  if someone can't make time for you or ignores you, never bother them again. 

It's cliche but true... there are plenty of fish in the sea.  Spend time on your own doing things you like.  But welcome those that make you feel good. Give them your attention and love.  

It'll get better.  you'll find better.

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9 minutes ago, Lambert said:

I think you just have to ride the feelings out. You're doing the right things.  if someone can't make time for you or ignores you, never bother them again. 

It's cliche but true... there are plenty of fish in the sea.  Spend time on your own doing things you like.  But welcome those that make you feel good. Give them your attention and love.  

It'll get better.  you'll find better.

Thank you. I am already in my 30s and I had experience several relatively worse experiences in the past. The guy was nice but I find it unethical not replying to my message and he had time posting on his social media accounts.

I really want to express how bad it feels deep inside. I am not comfortable speaking to someone at the outside the virtual world. I don't want to be like someone who looks desperate that's why I stopped and uninstalled my messaging application.  Actually, another one came into my life and I don't want him to feel my depression or down vibe. Thank you for the advice. I appreciate it. 

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18 minutes ago, melancholy123 said:

Stop trying to contact this person as they clearly are not interested.  You are only hurting yourself with your persistence.  Develop new hobbies, friends etc.  Dont let yourself dwell on this guy.  Stop crying.

Thank you... I have the exact thoughts. I think that I was hurting myself. I have decided not to check my social media accounts and start reading a book tonight. 

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can't take these things so personally...ya I know it's hard but, put yourself in their shoes. If you weren't interested in someone but they kept messaging you etc, how does that make you feel?

When I feel a blow to the old self esteem I just think about people who have problems way worse than mine and feel blessed with what I have.

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1 hour ago, Lambert said:

I think you just have to ride the feelings out. You're doing the right things.  if someone can't make time for you or ignores you, never bother them again. 

It's cliche but true... there are plenty of fish in the sea.  Spend time on your own doing things you like.  But welcome those that make you feel good. Give them your attention and love.  

It'll get better.  you'll find better.

 

31 minutes ago, melancholy123 said:

Stop trying to contact this person as they clearly are not interested.  You are only hurting yourself with your persistence.  Develop new hobbies, friends etc.  Dont let yourself dwell on this guy.  Stop crying.

 

4 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

can't take these things so personally...ya I know it's hard but, put yourself in their shoes. If you weren't interested in someone but they kept messaging you etc, how does that make you feel?

When I feel a blow to the old self esteem I just think about people who have problems way worse than mine and feel blessed with what I have.

 

5 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

can't take these things so personally...ya I know it's hard but, put yourself in their shoes. If you weren't interested in someone but they kept messaging you etc, how does that make you feel?

When I feel a blow to the old self esteem I just think about people who have problems way worse than mine and feel blessed with what I have.

Thank you. That's why I am distancing myself. I don't want to force myself to someone who has lost his interest towards me. Maybe, I really feel sad because I have invested too much emotionally since the time that he approached me.  Maybe I was in denial that he was not that type of person.  I really feel bad also because I have been supportive to him and his dreams, also during his down moments. We have been supporting each other then suddenly no response. 

But yes, I am accepting the reality now.  I am trying to distract myself.  

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We met personally in workplace. But due to pandemic and lockdown thing, we communicate virtually.  But yes, you have a point. Also, chasing a man is not my thing. I can't just help to be sad and feel the pain. It is hard to ignore this kind of feeling. 

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5 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Is this a cyber type relationship?

We met personally in workplace. But due to pandemic and lockdown thing, we communicate virtually.  But yes, you have a point. Also, chasing a man is not my thing. I can't just help to be sad and feel the pain. It is hard to ignore this kind of feeling. 

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1 hour ago, amihan said:

I find it unethical not replying to my message and he had time posting on his social media accounts.

It's good you stopped messaging, but you don't have to uninstall apps for that, you simply have to delete and block someone who is "ignoring you" from all your messaging apps, devices , contact lists and social media.

 It's not "unethical" to cease contact with you. It's not "unethical", to spend time doing whatever online activity someone wants, rather than contact you.

See a physician about your anxiety, depression and other issues.

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6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's good you stopped messaging, but you don't have to uninstall apps for that, you simply have to delete and block someone who is "ignoring you" from all your messaging apps, devices , contact lists and social media.

 It's not "unethical" to cease contact with you. It's not "unethical", to spend time doing whatever online activity someone wants, rather than contact you.

See a physician about your anxiety, depression and other issues.

Yes, you are right. I have decided to uninstall my apps because I have realized that this no reply thing from this guy makes me wonder why and I dwelled too much time checking my social media accounts. Thank you for the advice. I will take the courage to cut ties with him already by deleting him 

I cant force myself to someone. Thank you for reminding me about my psychiatrist, actually I have booked a consultation with her because I believe that what I am feeling is not that normal. This extreme sadness for this past three days...

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I don't think you needed to go as far as removing your messenger?

I suggest you go out & get a journal ( or use wordpad on your pc, etc).. Get writing.  Let it out that way- all you want to say, 'release' in another form.

Yes, of course, we need to just back off & move on.  Not cause an issue, if someone is treating us like a nothing 😕 . Never beg for attention.

And I agree, as mentioned, go talk to your doctor about some help with your anxiety/depression... Take care of YOU ❤️ 

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28 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Is this a cyber type relationship?

 

21 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's good you stopped messaging, but you don't have to uninstall apps for that, you simply have to delete and block someone who is "ignoring you" from all your messaging apps, devices , contact lists and social media.

 It's not "unethical" to cease contact with you. It's not "unethical", to spend time doing whatever online activity someone wants, rather than contact you.

See a physician about your anxiety, depression and other issues.

 

4 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

I don't think you needed to go as far as removing your messenger?

I suggest you go out & get a journal ( or use wordpad on your pc, etc).. Get writing.  Let it out that way- all you want to say, 'release' in another form.

Yes, of course, we need to just back off & move on.  Not cause an issue, if someone is treating us like a nothing 😕 . Never beg for attention.

And I agree, as mentioned, go talk to your doctor about some help with your anxiety/depression... Take care of YOU ❤️ 

Thank you very much for your support. I do remember that I ordered online a journal where I could right down my feelings but I was really pre-occupied with many things.  It is a great idea. Currently, I am crying. Mixed of emotions. Because of what I am undergoing with and because I receive certain amount of support from this group.

Dealing with anxiety and depression is very hard to do. And it's hard to find someone to talk with here. 

Thank you so much. 

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11 minutes ago, amihan said:

I am crying. Mixed of emotions. Because of what I am undergoing with and because I receive certain amount of support from this group.

Dealing with anxiety and depression is very hard to do. And it's hard to find someone to talk with here. 

Thank you so much. 

Aww,, I know... it's tough when we hurt 😕 .

I feel is time to step up & deal with your emotions.  Is okay to cry, it's a form of release.

But, It is very important to deal with all of this & you.

I've been on anxiety meds for a good while - I know anxiety feels awful 😕 . I also did a good amt of therapy.  Am now on a 'mood stablizer'.. it does help 🙂 .

How about some support groups online?  I have a mental health support grp on FB.  Then, people know they're not alone ❤️ .. Can you maybe look for something there?

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18 minutes ago, amihan said:

Dealing with anxiety and depression is very hard to do. And it's hard to find someone to talk with here. 

Exactly. That's why seeing a physician for the anxiety/depression is essential to your wellbeing. At that time ask for a referral to a therapist for ongoing support.

Support groups and journals are a fine idea, but they do not replace appropriate mental health care.

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I am currently receiving treatment for anxiety and depression.  I felt RELIEVED once I began treatment because I was doing something that would change my life for the better.

I saw my primary care doctor first. He referred me to a psychiatrist for medication. I also got a referral to a psychologist for talk support. Best decisions I have made in a long time.

The alternative is to stay in this crying, upset and anxious state of mind. That's not a good option.

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17 hours ago, boltnrun said:

I am currently receiving treatment for anxiety and depression.  I felt RELIEVED once I began treatment because I was doing something that would change my life for the better.

I saw my primary care doctor first. He referred me to a psychiatrist for medication. I also got a referral to a psychologist for talk support. Best decisions I have made in a long time.

The alternative is to stay in this crying, upset and anxious state of mind. That's not a good option.

I am seing a psychiatrist and I am taking meds. But I am not taking any therephy session with a psychologist. This coming consultation, I will ask if she could refer someone. 

Thanks so much for your insights.

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On 7/27/2021 at 8:09 AM, amihan said:

We met personally in workplace. But due to pandemic and lockdown thing, we communicate virtually.  But yes, you have a point. Also, chasing a man is not my thing. I can't just help to be sad and feel the pain. It is hard to ignore this kind of feeling. 

You don't have to ignore it but you can also put it in perspective and tell yourself to move in another direction. Being ignored or unwanted is not a good feeling. We all want to feel desired and loved. This is one interaction that you can use to your benefit and learn to change your current direction and what you're doing. If someone doesn't want to hear from you or speak with you, move forwards knowing that that doesn't make you less of anything or less of a person. 

The more you keep dwelling on this or dwelling on the idea that no one wants you or that you're unlovable (for ie), that's when reality starts to skew and all that negativity is just so difficult to stem. Try not to dwell on this, replace that with positive experiences and remember the friends or family who do care about you.

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A friend and former co-worker. Maybe. I developing feelings towards him so much. I am in the process now of detaching myself from him. I did before but it went back. Now, it’s hurtful. He is a very kind man. But I cannot force him if he don’t want to interact with me anymore. Maybe there’s something in me or in my personality that he doesn’t like. The act of ignoring is painful but I came to realize that a man who likes/loves me would embrace for who I am.

This is not the first time that I have been ignored. But maybe it was more hurtful because all the ideals of a potential partner, I saw on him. He was really into getting to know me. I thought that he accepted me as someone with bipolar adhd and ocpd, with my family background. Or maybe he is really busy. I am so sorry here I am thinking of the reasons ‘why’ while I should keep moving on.

 

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11 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

What is your relationship to this man, OP?

Friend? Coworker? Ex? 

 

19 hours ago, Rose Mosse said:

If someone doesn't want to hear from you or speak with you, move forwards knowing that that doesn't make you less of anything or less of a person. 

Thanks for these kind words. Yes, I have bring back my self esteem and stop thinking about it. It’s painful and I am looking forward to ease the pain each day. I love the idea of redirection.

I am coming out of the box from the idea that he might be my perfect match. 

I really do need to accept the reality that he might stopped caring for me.

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31 minutes ago, amihan said:

A friend and former co-worker. Maybe. I developing feelings towards him so much.

How close were you as friends? 

Meaning, do you hang out sometimes? Had you previously been in frequent contact? You seem to have revealed a lot about your mental health to him so I am assuming that this was someone you spent a fair amount of time with. 

Is that accruate?

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His message to you is this:  "Leave me alone.  I don't care about you.  You don't matter to me.  I don't care how you feel."  Take a hint, get his message loud and clear and don't bother.  In his mind, he has better things to do than waste his precious time and energy on you so return the favor.  Focus and concentrate on your own life and be with those who know how to treat you with respect, kindness, consideration, grace, empathy and dignity. 

Even though it hurts the way he or others mistreat you, think of it this way:  He and others are actually doing you "a favor" so you can permanently weed out the bad apples from your life.  Anytime a person demonstrates their true colors of their character to you, this gives you the opportunity to eliminate those who are not worthy of your soul.

Change the way you think and you will transform your hurt feelings into resilience, resolve, strength, toughness and newfound intelligence.  Don't get hurt.  Get smart! 🙂

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13 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

How close were you as friends? 

Meaning, do you hang out sometimes? Had you previously been in frequent contact? You seem to have revealed a lot about your mental health to him so I am assuming that this was someone you spent a fair amount of time with. 

Is that accruate?

 

We have been supporting each other since last year we met at the workplace. Even it is pandemic and lockdown. We have been supporting each other in our professional life and personal life. He has been very supportive to me. Majority of our conversations are virtually. Chat, phone calls, video calls. We dont hang out together personally due to pandemic. He has been consistently there for me. There was a moment that he asked me if it was okay that we could eat together at our common friend's restaurant if things turns better. There are times that he don't reply immediately and I understand that because had family issues and work. But this time, something is different .

I feel sad  because we have been supporting each other. And I know that I have been so much attached to him. I have to accept the reality that even he is kind, generous, supportive, respectful and he cares (or should I say used to care for me) that he is already gone and he don't want to be disturbed anymore.  I never had bad experience with him personally and virtually. 

 

 

 

 

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