Dealing with my gfs mood swings

[Luis89]

So, I decided I’d come on here and just get some advice on how to deal with my gfs mood swings. Most of the time I can deal with her and I just give her space for a couple days, her mood swings vary month by month, example last month she was okay and still the same bubbly personality great! But this month she completely different, dosent want to talk at all, I told her if someone was up she could talk to me.. she didn’t want to which is fine by me. I just want some advice or just some confirmation I’m doing the right thing? I know us men don’t fully grasp women’s mood swings and struggle to know why they even happen. Any comments are appreciated. 

[boltnrun]

38 minutes ago, Luis89 said:

women’s mood swings

This is not a "women" thing. This is specific to the one woman you've been involved with.

Hasn't this been going on for quite some time now?

Has she been diagnosed by a doctor with any kind of mood disorder or medical or psychological condition?

[Luis89]

Mood swings are a common thing. I’m just looking for advice on how to deal with it if I’m not doing it correctly. 
Not been diagnosed with anything as far as I’m aware. We are in a great place atm I’m just curious to know how others deal with this. 

[boltnrun]

OK, I just read your previous thread.

She said you were "smothering" her and you responded by bombarding her with texts and "snaps".  So perhaps she goes a bit quiet and you react by "bombarding" her with messages?

This is unhealthy and unsustainable.  You are anxious and she is somewhat detached.  A recipe for disaster.

Nothing you do can change this dynamic except PERHAPS stop reacting to her acting distant by sending her multiple messages.  

[Wiseman2]

People have a range of emotions. She doesn't always have to be "up" for you or entertain you.

Just stay in your own lane and if she's not "bubbly" or talkative, you'll have to accept that she's human.

[MissCanuck]

7 hours ago, Luis89 said:

last month she was okay and still the same bubbly personality great! But this month she completely different, dosent want to talk at all,

This isn't just a "normal" mood swing, OP. 

She sounds like she's checking out. Going by your last thread, she might be getting tired of the relaitonship, unfortunately. 

There's not much you can do but leave her be and observe a little bit. She knows you're there and open to talking. If she doesn't take the initiative to do so after a little while, you might have to face the fact that she's just not that into this anymore. 

[Kwothe28]

I had one like that, closes into room, doesnt want to talk but cools off etc. Admittedly, she was midly depressed but when it hits her, it really hits her. Considers everything I say hostile, shuts me down etc. 

Anyway, its not healthy, especially when it repeats. There is nothing you can do, probably anything you will do just aggravate her. Let her cool off then see. But again, that is not healthy for relationship. Relationship is something you share in "good or bad". And she just shuts you off from some reason. So consider that when you say "you are fine".

[Luis89]

5 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

I had one like that, closes into room, doesnt want to talk but cools off etc. Admittedly, she was midly depressed but when it hits her, it really hits her. Considers everything I say hostile, shuts me down etc. 

Anyway, its not healthy, especially when it repeats. There is nothing you can do, probably anything you will do just aggravate her. Let her cool off then see. But again, that is not healthy for relationship. Relationship is something you share in "good or bad". And she just shuts you off from some reason. So consider that when you say "you are fine".

Yes this is exactly how she is, just sits in her room in a mood which idm she deals with stuff differently I’ve accepted that. 

[Luis89]

9 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

People have a range of emotions. She doesn't always have to be "up" for you or entertain you.

Just stay in your own lane and if she's not "bubbly" or talkative, you'll have to accept that she's human.

Thank you for your reply. I’ve learned from my past mistakes, everything has been great since! I was just curious to know if I’m doing the right thing and judging by replys I am by just giving her space to cool off. 

[Luis89]

8 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

This isn't just a "normal" mood swing, OP. 

She sounds like she's checking out. Going by your last thread, she might be getting tired of the relaitonship, unfortunately. 

There's not much you can do but leave her be and observe a little bit. She knows you're there and open to talking. If she doesn't take the initiative to do so after a little while, you might have to face the fact that she's just not that into this anymore. 

Thank you for your reply! As I said previously everything has been great in the relationship since last time 3 months zero issues. I was just looking for advice on if I’m handling her mood swings in the correct way that’s all. I think you’re jumping the gun saying she’s not in to me because if she wasn’t she’d be long gone. She just gets very bad mood swings sometimes and one day she absolutely loves then a couple of hours later absolutely hates me that’s the best way to describe it. 

[smackie9]

well then just tell her, if she is moody, she can tell you to give her some space. You leave her alone and go do something else with your time until she snaps out of it.

[smackie9]

1 minute ago, Luis89 said:

Thank you for your reply! As I said previously everything has been great in the relationship since last time 3 months zero issues. I was just looking for advice on if I’m handling her mood swings in the correct way that’s all. I think you’re jumping the gun saying she’s not in to me because if she wasn’t she’d be long gone. She just gets very bad mood swings sometimes and one day she absolutely loves then a couple of hours later absolutely hates me that’s the best way to describe it. 

That sounds bi-polar. Just giving you the heads up, most of us have dealt with mental illness more ways than one.

[Luis89]

Just now, smackie9 said:

well then just tell her, if she is moody, she can tell you to give her some space. You leave her alone and go do something else with your time until she snaps out of it.

Thank you for the reply! That’s exactly what I’ve been doing! I just let her be until she’s ready to talk

[Luis89]

2 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

That sounds bi-polar. Just giving you the heads up, most of us have dealt with mental illness more ways than one.

She told me herself she’s in a mood yesterday morning when we last spoke, so I told her if she needed to talk I’m here, she didn’t want too so I just leave her be and let her deal with it. 

[smackie9]

All I can say is, this is not normal. This is debilitating. It's stopping her from doing things, enjoying things, enjoying life. She needs to get a medical assessment/treatment. This is no way to live.

[DarkCh0c0]

I agree with @smackie9. You're sweeping a red flag under the rug (whether it's moodiness, she's not that into you, or mental illness). Something is off. I suggest you be careful.

 

[Tinydance]

How often do the mood swings happen? Some women do get bad PMS once a month before getting their period. I become sad and teary and a bit moody (and very hungry lol) about a week before getting my period. But the low mood only lasts about a couple of weeks or so. It's not really normal to have mood swings all the time. That might be more indicative of a mental health issue.

[Luis89]

On 7/27/2021 at 1:42 PM, Tinydance said:

How often do the mood swings happen? Some women do get bad PMS once a month before getting their period. I become sad and teary and a bit moody (and very hungry lol) about a week before getting my period. But the low mood only lasts about a couple of weeks or so. It's not really normal to have mood swings all the time. That might be more indicative of a mental health issue.

The mood swings happen one or two days a month, it’s not happening all the time. Sometimes her mood swings aren’t as bad as other times. I think your reply is the closet thing to what she’s experiencing, and as a man unfortunately I can’t relate to PMS I just let her be, she’s still abit meh atm. But thank you for your reply!!

[Tinydance]

4 minutes ago, Luis89 said:

The mood swings happen one or two days a month, it’s not happening all the time. Sometimes her mood swings aren’t as bad as other times. I think your reply is the closet thing to what she’s experiencing, and as a man unfortunately I can’t relate to PMS I just let her be, she’s still abit meh atm. But thank you for your reply!!

Have you tried asking her what exactly she feels? Maybe she can explain it?

[Luis89]

15 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

Have you tried asking her what exactly she feels? Maybe she can explain it?

No I haven’t, and tbh I don’t want to invade her space if she’s feeling down etc, she knows I’m here for her if she needs to talk. I hate seeing her in a mood it’s strange for me cause one minute she’s fine but the next she’s down but as far as I know that’s PMS and women experience it differently, plus she probably dosent want to discuss it, last month I was able to keep her amused and take her mind off it but unfortunately this time nothing works. Thank you for your reply 

[Luis89]

1 minute ago, Luis89 said:

No I haven’t, and tbh I don’t want to invade her space if she’s feeling down etc, she knows I’m here for her if she needs to talk. I hate seeing her in a mood it’s strange for me cause one minute she’s fine but the next she’s down but as far as I know that’s PMS and women experience it differently, plus she probably dosent want to discuss it, last month I was able to keep her amused and take her mind off it but unfortunately this time nothing works. Thank you for your reply 

I also don’t want to keep asking her if she’s okay.. when she’s in a mood she absolutely hates that strange I know. 

[boltnrun]

8 minutes ago, Luis89 said:

I also don’t want to keep asking her if she’s okay.. when she’s in a mood she absolutely hates that strange I know. 

No. That's the right approach. Asking repeatedly if she's ok when she said she wants to be left alone is a bad idea. That's what led to her calling you "smothering".

Your plan is the best. Back off and let her contact you.

BTW, I know when I was younger my PMS was just awful. I turned into this horrible shrew lol. As I got older it got better.

[Luis89]

2 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

No. That's the right approach. Asking repeatedly if she's ok when she said she wants to be left alone is a bad idea. That's what led to her calling you "smothering".

Your plan is the best. Back off and let her contact you.

BTW, I know when I was younger my PMS was just awful. I turned into this horrible shrew lol. As I got older it got better.

Thank you for your reply! Yes I learned the hard way last time! Yeah I got to be honest she’s not very nice to talk too when she’s in a mood haha

[Tinydance]

OK but the slight issue I see here is you don't actually know if this is PMS or not? With me I know it is because I've always had it a few days before my period and since smart phones I actually track my menstrual cycle on a phone app. I just find it a bit odd that she doesn't tell you what she feels and you don't ask. I'm always quite open with my partner and close friends about my feelings. You seem to be in the dark about what's actually going on and you're actually in a relationship with this girl.

[Luis89]

14 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

OK but the slight issue I see here is you don't actually know if this is PMS or not? With me I know it is because I've always had it a few days before my period and since smart phones I actually track my menstrual cycle on a phone app. I just find it a bit odd that she doesn't tell you what she feels and you don't ask. I'm always quite open with my partner and close friends about my feelings. You seem to be in the dark about what's actually going on and you're actually in a relationship with this girl.

She does tell me how she feels? I’m not comfortable revealing that type of stuff online.. people deal with stuff differently I suppose.