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Ghosted after a first date?


ZebDed
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So I got a text out of the blue last week from a girl I had flirted with at this party 3 weeks ago. 

After 2-3 exchanges I set a date and we went out last Wednesday.

Thought it went quite well, good laugh, good conversations, banter, etc... and then 30 mins when I got home I got a text from her thanking me for the great evening and hoping I enjoyed it too.

Honestly, nothing made it seem she would fall off the face of the world.

A couple days or so later (yesterday) I sent her a text asking when she was likely to be free next week... no answer.

 

I haven't sent anything else.

I guess I completely misundertood this.

Edited by ZebDed
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I only know that once, I failed to get a text from my daughter, even though it showed on her screen, and if two people sent texts close together, I saw one text and failed to see the one from the other person until happening upon it later. It happens. I'd probably give it one more shot by actually calling and leaving a voicemail if she doesn't pick up. Of course, then be done if she still doesn't get back to you.

I've been on dates that seemed to go well, too, and assumed I'd be asked out again and it didn't happen. One never knows what's going on in another's head, and actions always speak louder than words. You usually have to date a boatload of people before finding a good match. Good luck.

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1 minute ago, Andrina said:

I only know that once, I failed to get a text from my daughter, even though it showed on her screen, and if two people sent texts close together, I saw one text and failed to see the one from the other person until happening upon it later. It happens. I'd probably give it one more shot by actually calling and leaving a voicemail if she doesn't pick up. Of course, then be done if she still doesn't get back to you.

I've been on dates that seemed to go well, too, and assumed I'd be asked out again and it didn't happen. One never knows what's going on in another's head, and actions always speak louder than words. You usually have to date a boatload of people before finding a good match. Good luck.

About 15 mins after I posted she got in touch. She told me she had been out all day yesterday and had no internet (probably bs). She said she’s definitely up for another date though. 
 

I’ll ask her to get in touch once she figures out her schedule. 

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You will see if there you actually go on second date or not, it's too soon to make any conclusion after one date. Keep yourself busy with work and friends in the meantime 🙂 

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2 hours ago, ZebDed said:

She told me she had been out all day yesterday and had no internet (probably bs). She said she’s definitely up for another date though. 

Why do you assume this?  Seems, already you've got it bad?

Wow.

So, are you going to be at her about things like this - assumptions if you two do begin dating? 😕 

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Is that "the schedule" girl that got mad at you but you did set up the date eventually? Schedule, then canceled and then wanted same date again and then reschedule? I dunno, I told you last time that has all kinds of weird and that she is maybe just playing around. Especially if you include cheating story into that.

You did jumped the gun. However, yes, "no internet" is probably BS. Not returning a message for more then a day shows profound lack of interest no matter what she says over messages. If she reschedules you need to see where you stand when you go out. 

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2 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

Is that "the schedule" girl that got mad at you but you did set up the date eventually? Schedule, then canceled and then wanted same date again and then reschedule? I dunno, I told you last time that has all kinds of weird and that she is maybe just playing around. Especially if you include cheating story into that.

You did jumped the gun. However, yes, "no internet" is probably BS. Not returning a message for more then a day shows profound lack of interest no matter what she says over messages. If she reschedules you need to see where you stand when you go out. 

This is another girl.

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3 hours ago, SooSad33 said:

Why do you assume this?  Seems, already you've got it bad?

Wow.

So, are you going to be at her about things like this - assumptions if you two do begin dating? 😕 

It just seems odd, especially nowadays, to not have internet access. I admit I'm wrong for overthinking this.

I sent her "Great! let me know when you've made your plans for this week and we can set up something fun then :)"

 

Her reply:  "What would help is you tell me when you're free then I can slot you in lol :D"

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Okay, good.  So, go easy with it.

Just go with the flow - no reason to assume & react that way, like you did!

At this rate, you'll end up messing things up really fast, by thinking this way.

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Give her two different days you are free and the times of those days and see what she says.

Also you were not ghosted.  She texted you after the date, that is not ghosted.  If she was busy out with another guy, no internet or whatever it is her business not yours.  You went on one date so relax.

Don't make this more than it is. 

Lost

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There are plenty of times I go out and I haven’t put credit on my phone and so have no internet access (often forget as I’m always connected to my wifi at home and am usually always at home due to 17 month lockdown, so forget when I’m out that I need credit), even in a well-connected major university city such as the one I live in that has hotspots all over (which are notoriously temperamental). It makes sense for me to have credit rather than a plan for my particular set of circumstances and you have no idea what her circumstances were/are. The fact she responded to you within pretty good time after only one date suggests that nothing she has said is bs. 

Relax, go with the flow. Don’t do yourself out of a potential relationship before it’s even begun, especially over premature (and probably incorrect) assumptions. If she is good on her word for a second date, then go from there and see how things unfold. At this stage, you owe each other nothing.

Edited by LotusBlack
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It's not ghosting -silence =lack of interest.  When I dated for about 24 years on and off I preferred to hear nothing after a first date than some flowery "you are amazing but I can't pursue a relationship /didn't feel a click" - Ghosting to me is when you're dating someone for a longer period of time - more like 4 dates or more -a month or more -and the person doesn't want to see you anymore but doesn't let you know and just disappears.

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21 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

Give her two different days you are free and the times of those days and see what she says.

Also you were not ghosted.  She texted you after the date, that is not ghosted.  If she was busy out with another guy, no internet or whatever it is her business not yours.  You went on one date so relax.

Don't make this more than it is. 

Lost

OK so I told her I was free Thursday and set it up at 7m at X place.

She told me she could make it then, but she also asked if I was free another day.

 

I told her I'm free Thursday and Friday at the same time. So I'll leave it at that and see how she responds

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Perfect!

Have a few ideas for the date.   Meet for drinks then dinner and then something afterwards.  Maybe to an icecream shop or a club if you are into that sort of thing.

Just don't show up flat footed with "what do you feel like doing?"  "where do you want to go?"

Lost

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12 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

Perfect!

Have a few ideas for the date.   Meet for drinks then dinner and then something afterwards.  Maybe to an icecream shop or a club if you are into that sort of thing.

Just don't show up flat footed with "what do you feel like doing?"  "where do you want to go?"

Lost

She's really not being clear with me.

She's like she can do Thursday but she doesn't know if it'll be 8pm (too late for me) or way before.

 

I just said "Cool! Well let me know how your Thursday ends up looking like or otherwise we'll just do it some other time".

 

It's taken 4 days and there isn't a definite date. I'm not wasting my time anymore

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4 minutes ago, ZebDed said:

She's really not being clear with me.

She's like she can do Thursday but she doesn't know if it'll be 8pm (too late for me) or way before.

 

I just said "Cool! Well let me know how your Thursday ends up looking like or otherwise we'll just do it some other time".

 

It's taken 4 days and there isn't a definite date. I'm not wasting my time anymore

I think this might be the best approach.  you felt she was jerking you around and you're not liking the indecision.  so when you find things aren't to your liking, walk away. 

She may be flighty or whatever... o well. not your problem. 

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Ball is in her court now so let it be.

If she bails on Thursday then let it be for a while (about a week) and then ask her out on the weekend.  Be specific on the day, time and place.  See what she says and then go from there.

In the mean time occupy yourself with  other women.

Lost

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Posted (edited)
8 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

8pm too late? What is with you young people? I used to go out til 11 or 12, then start work at 8am. Have a nap before you go out.

Yeah, it used to be like for me too, but you know with COVID about things shut at 9pm here, and going out for 1 hour is lame as. 

Edited by ZebDed
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14 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

Ball is in her court now so let it be.

If she bails on Thursday then let it be for a while (about a week) and then ask her out on the weekend.  Be specific on the day, time and place.  See what she says and then go from there.

In the mean time occupy yourself with  other women.

Lost

if she bails on Thursday, I'm not going to bother asking her out again. I've had to resign from work so that I can go take care of my dad in France who just had a serious bike accident.

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1 hour ago, Lambert said:

I think this might be the best approach.  you felt she was jerking you around and you're not liking the indecision.  so when you find things aren't to your liking, walk away. 

She may be flighty or whatever... o well. not your problem. 

Yeah exactly.

I've had girls in the past jerk me around and try to change my schedule to fit theirs.

 

That's why I ask them what their schedule is like next week so that I can pick a day that suits her and I and set a definite date.

 

As soon as she started telling me that we might do it later but she doesn't know that she might be able to do it earlier... I've got no time for that at all.

 

What do you mean by 'flighty' btw?

 

 

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38 minutes ago, ZebDed said:

Yeah exactly.

I've had girls in the past jerk me around and try to change my schedule to fit theirs.

 

That's why I ask them what their schedule is like next week so that I can pick a day that suits her and I and set a definite date.

 

As soon as she started telling me that we might do it later but she doesn't know that she might be able to do it earlier... I've got no time for that at all.

 

What do you mean by 'flighty' btw?

 

 

flighty means she flits from thing to thing. She is genuinely excited and interested until she is not or until she finds the next new thing. 

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