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I feel like I am about to burnout but I have none other choice. Anyone else been in that scenario?


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Hello

I know It's been a long time until I have locked in, it's been two years. I really try to fight my own battles & I never stopped growing ever since those two years. As a matter of fact, I haven't stopped my personal growth ever since 2015 where I started my Bachelors in Sports Science. I never took a single break ever since 2016 up until now 2021.

I have finished my Bachelors in the exact time, only for coronavirus to cancel all my plans ( I know I'm not alone on this one). But I was working multiple angles at the same time when I was in university. Doing martial arts & also doing my sports science degree, only to find out that I wouldn't land a descend job as a trainer in the gym. 

Approximately 600 euros in my country & they don't hire anybody for full time only part time. And the wage in schools as a PE Instructor is about 900 euros & they cut the 100 euros from you for social insurance and the general hospital fees.  I ended up working in a restaurant as a waiter, barman & doing the cleaning as well , then changing jobs to where I am currently at for two years, at intersport.

I tried putting my certificates in the government sector in order to be hired by the government at some point. Only to find out that my Greek GCSE's were not enough & they had this insane C1 Greek examination in order to let you in. Only to find out from a 65 year old PE instructor that he got hired at 65 by the government to retire at 70, five years only. 

Then I had a  martial arts sensei who faked caring about me when I told him that I wanted to become an instructor as well, to doing everything in his passive aggressive power to prevent me from doing that. Meanwhile being polite with me & going along with me, saying that we could be doing private lessons now that there's the corona virus & don't worry. 

Only when I call him to never answer back, he did his job though when he was with & he tried to help me to get into tournaments, only for corona virus to break all my efforts for the past 8,5 years in half. I even bought two Gi's for 300 euros both just in case they needed us to wear different colour Gi's.

I lost 5 judo national fights because of the corona virus, I was told that 10 years I would become an instructor, only to be getting 1500 euros & having to spend that all in rent & my own places bills.  Finally, I've had enough & I changed branch, I am studying Forex Trading & I found that I am pretty good at it, I am also going to counselling sessions in order for me to build my mentality up after all those hard blows from life. 

At intersport the max wage we get in 781 euros, but they cut from us the 100 for social insurance & the public hospital so I have 681 in the days where I work 7 hours per day for 5 days a week.  It's also really far away from my house so I can't even put more hours even if I wanted to, the managers didn't even send me to other intersport closer to my house, they said that the job is harder there & you wouldn't be able to go to  your training while here I will help you go your training sessions.

I fell for it, only to find out that I am in the biggest store in the whole island ( cyprus) meanwhile in the other store closer to my house, the job it's easier. I was then later told by the managers that they didn't want to lose me because I was doing an amazing job as a salesperson there & I am one of the best if not the best salesperson there. 

Something that to be frank, I don't care about, I only care about making more money that's all.  And I need more than 700 euros for a month in order to sustain myself & my gasoline for going there. Luckily I my parents help me since I live at my parents house, I have nowhere to go with such a job as well. 

I have also changed career path & I am now doing martial arts for me in order to strengthen my spirit. I turned into mma private lessons with another teacher which is also a Grandmaster of muay thai & a good friend of mine.  A true professional, he answers the phone almost immediately.

Not like the other guy which you need to call him 8 times & he won't even answer back, you need to call him at specific times in order to answer. I blocked that guy from my phone, I knew deep down that that instructor never really liked me or wanted me in his school, he just wanted the money & to show face in front of his student.

But when I confronted him about it, he said that I don't want you to leave & that will never happen. But it did. So you see, this year I also lost my Grandfather to cancer. I am 25 and I am fast approaching 30. So by 30 I want to be another person.

I also tried youtube at one point.

I did all that in the short span of 2 years, I never ever stopped a second. I said I am going to have my revenge for all the things that were done to me, but in a civilized manner. The best revenge is success, I had a severe depression which is why I did life coaching lessons & NLP lessons, hypnotherapy lessons, acupressure lessons , reflexology lessons, aromatherapy lessons, herbalism lessons & all I could in order to come back to my senses. 

Praying & reading the bible helped me as well, as well as going to church & having the Holy Communion helped as well. I also did both counselling & Pastoral counselling.  I did CBT & REBT art therapy shamanic music therapy & all that I could. Now I am working in my Habits diary that make them all a habit. 

The reason I am writing all these it's because I want some support because I feel so alone, I am tired mentally of this feeling of loneliness, it feels that nobody understands me or recognized my tremendous efforts for success.  I will also write about my past, but my I have more stuff to do now & my fingers hurt a bit from all that writing, so I will stop writing about here.

Thank you for hearing me out & reading this far 😊

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Hello,

Honestly, you've been through a lot. I'd suggest to take a breather and then reflect on what you want to do in the long term. Can you afford taking some time off and going on a vacation? Near the beach/mountain for an extended weekend for example.

You need to give yourself space and take this pressure off. Once you let go a bit, you'll have some space to reflect and think how you want your life to be instead of jumping from gig to gig. I'm sure there are satisfying ways to get closer to your life goals. We can't tell you here what to do next in regards to them. You'll have to study your options/network/consult. But, I can tell you before that you need a break.

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4 hours ago, Jibralta said:

Do you have a specific goal in mind for your career or life path? Or are you still deciding?

Yeah, I am now focusing on Forex Trading as my main bread & butter.  It's just that I was typing fast when I was writing this so I made it sound a bit confusing. My career path is Forex Trading, working as an analyst & a risk manager.

The martial arts private lessons I am doing, I am doing them for me to a Grandmaster whom has gained my trust. I consider him to be a good friend, but that remains to be seen. But he is a descend guy from our conversations & our training together, I can tell. 

So my main focus is Forex. Once learn enough from Forex, I will do another diploma on Human Resources from an Instructor I know personally, which is a diploma that is approved by the ministry of Education & from the Human Resources so I can get at a half price. 

But I'm done with the martial arts as a career path honestly. My main focus is having enough money to do what I want in my life.  Martial arts are a side hustle that only a few people come over successful in it. 

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2 hours ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

Hello,

Honestly, you've been through a lot. I'd suggest to take a breather and then reflect on what you want to do in the long term. Can you afford taking some time off and going on a vacation? Near the beach/mountain for an extended weekend for example.

You need to give yourself space and take this pressure off. Once you let go a bit, you'll have some space to reflect and think how you want your life to be instead of jumping from gig to gig. I'm sure there are satisfying ways to get closer to your life goals. We can't tell you here what to do next in regards to them. You'll have to study your options/network/consult. But, I can tell you before that you need a break.

Yeah, I know I need a break. I've been pushing myself all those years. As soon as everybody is over from their vacations in august I am the one who will be taking off in September with the most days offs, since I have a lot of them. 

I haven't really been taking a days off, but days off so I can study more. But I think I need some alone time from everyone, you are right. 

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@andreasg9677 yes. You need that. I work in HR, so I understand your concern. Definitely take a break to chill. No goals. Just giving your mind and body time to relax and remember why you do what you do and what matters to you. You need to enjoy life and remember what joy is like for you.

I'm waiting too for August to end so that I can take a break. It's so tough and prices doubled at hotels.

Anyways, you seem very ambitious. I'm sure you'll find your own path.

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Quit the "revenge" mindset. If you have that mindset, it may rub off and people do sense it. Also, if you just want money and don't care what you do, people can tell.

Also, turn it around. Its not things that "people did to you". its just how it worked out.  If you take that mindset, you will be less bitter and you also may be ignoring opportunities because you are so focused on what you didn't get.

The person that hired the 65 year old PE teacher -- they did a good thing - its hard for a 65 year old to find a job and this was maybe his last chance to do so at something he loved. you have tons of other chances. Also, maybe the 65 year old could bring something else to the table -- he already had a track record as a gym teacher that was well known.  No one owes you a job

Then I had a  martial arts sensei who faked caring about me when I told him that I wanted to become an instructor as well, to doing everything in his passive aggressive power to prevent me from doing that. Meanwhile being polite with me & going along with me, saying that we could be doing private lessons now that there's the corona virus & don't worry.

Are you even qualified to teach martial arts? Do you have the personality for it. Its about experience AND mindset. And you have to be good at guiding other people. Do you have a studio?  But really -- ONE person doesn't jump for joy that you want to be an instructor and you quit?  that's the mindset i am talking about. You could have asked your sensei what path he took to get where he is now -- is there a certification? How many years did he practice. stuff like that. But now "no one makes a living at it"

 

 

Edited by abitbroken
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11 hours ago, abitbroken said:

Quit the "revenge" mindset. If you have that mindset, it may rub off and people do sense it. Also, if you just want money and don't care what you do, people can tell.

Also, turn it around. Its not things that "people did to you". its just how it worked out.  If you take that mindset, you will be less bitter and you also may be ignoring opportunities because you are so focused on what you didn't get.

The person that hired the 65 year old PE teacher -- they did a good thing - its hard for a 65 year old to find a job and this was maybe his last chance to do so at something he loved. you have tons of other chances. Also, maybe the 65 year old could bring something else to the table -- he already had a track record as a gym teacher that was well known.  No one owes you a job

Then I had a  martial arts sensei who faked caring about me when I told him that I wanted to become an instructor as well, to doing everything in his passive aggressive power to prevent me from doing that. Meanwhile being polite with me & going along with me, saying that we could be doing private lessons now that there's the corona virus & don't worry.

Are you even qualified to teach martial arts? Do you have the personality for it. Its about experience AND mindset. And you have to be good at guiding other people. Do you have a studio?  But really -- ONE person doesn't jump for joy that you want to be an instructor and you quit?  that's the mindset i am talking about. You could have asked your sensei what path he took to get where he is now -- is there a certification? How many years did he practice. stuff like that. But now "no one makes a living at it"

 

 

I am a good in the martial arts & also guiding people as well. You are right it's how things turned out, but he could at least answer the phone when I called him 8 times or 3 times a day. It's not like he wanted to help me become an instructor anyway. 

I was really good in the martial arts, so good actually that he didn't want to help me. Luckily, there is none money to be made doing martial arts nourdays & their business have had a severe blow during to covid. 

And I wasn't going to be getting 1500 euros only to then have the 600 stripped away for me for rent then the other 600 to the other rent of the school, then the rest 300 euros left for me. I trained in the martial arts for 8,5 years & I still do but on different terms.

That's ok, every obstacle is for a good reason. If he really wanted me in the martial arts school, he would answer the phone and my messages. But he didn't, so I found somebody else. 

He also sent me a text small saying the hours that the school is open. Only to later on re send me a text in caps telling me that wasn't for me. Then I said to myself to hell with this guy & I blocked him from my phone.

He can try to call me for all that I care, I found another teacher. They don't understand how replaceable they really are.  So yeah, it was bad deal so I decided that I will reach the instructor level for myself.

And if the Grandmaster here is not a good person as well in my country. I will quit caring about the martial arts in cyprus all together. Gather money from the job I will be doing & Go to Thailand to follow a certificate there & train with the Thai boxers there at Tiger Muay Thai.

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On 7/24/2021 at 2:10 AM, andreasg9677 said:

I am a good in the martial arts & also guiding people as well. You are right it's how things turned out, but he could at least answer the phone when I called him 8 times or 3 times a day. It's not like he wanted to help me become an instructor anyway. 

I was really good in the martial arts, so good actually that he didn't want to help me. Luckily, there is none money to be made doing martial arts nourdays & their business have had a severe blow during to covid. 

And I wasn't going to be getting 1500 euros only to then have the 600 stripped away for me for rent then the other 600 to the other rent of the school, then the rest 300 euros left for me. I trained in the martial arts for 8,5 years & I still do but on different terms.

That's ok, every obstacle is for a good reason. If he really wanted me in the martial arts school, he would answer the phone and my messages. But he didn't, so I found somebody else. 

He also sent me a text small saying the hours that the school is open. Only to later on re send me a text in caps telling me that wasn't for me. Then I said to myself to hell with this guy & I blocked him from my phone.

He can try to call me for all that I care, I found another teacher. They don't understand how replaceable they really are.  So yeah, it was bad deal so I decided that I will reach the instructor level for myself.

And if the Grandmaster here is not a good person as well in my country. I will quit caring about the martial arts in cyprus all together. Gather money from the job I will be doing & Go to Thailand to follow a certificate there & train with the Thai boxers there at Tiger Muay Thai.

He sent you a text meant for someone else - big deal.  3-8 phone calls in one day seems excessive.  In fact, I would not want to talk to someone who was that demanding of my time.  If you had gone to him and said "hey, i am interested in being an instructor someday, what do i need to do over the next few years to make it a reality"

Because someone is very good at something does not make them a great teacher of it. often the best people in their field cannot break the subject down in a way that inspires self discovery or a grasp of concept in students.  While people that discovered cures for diseases, are the most famous violinist or what have you may be fascinating to listen to (to hear speak about their passion or literally listen to their music), they may not have the skillset to break things down in a way that other people can learn it, too.

You do really have a tone of typing where maybe you don't realize it - you come across as arrogant.   ONE person doesn't want to help you be an instructor so "no one makes money at it anyways".  If you say martial arts has taken a hit due to covid - why do you want to go into it right now - then blame others?  To me, i would think its not an overnight thing - you apprentice with an instructor - working under them and assisting them for quite awhile - there are ins and outs on the business end that you need to learn.

And martial arts is about inner control as well, and it seems you are just mad--

If you feel that teachers are replaceable -- is that how you will want your students to view yoursel.

On the contrary, there have been a lot of martial arts instructors that have had classes at the park, or have put out technique videos just for their students or have "met" with individual students over zoom or evaluated their techniques by videos the students shot.   I know martial arts that someone does at a regular gym might have suffered - people who are curious about it and try it - but people who are committed to it are practicing.

 

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I read your post as humbling and inspiring. I think you have a great drive to succeed and your desire to make money can be translated actually to a desire for more security. That is not a shameful thing to want or strive for. 

You need more organization in your endeavours though. Think through your paths carefully. I'm sensing that you are uncertain about learning or working as an analyst or with risk. Perhaps it's an uncertain area and you are new at it. That is why you're a bit nervous and searching to add HR to the mix. You don't have to stop what you are doing and you might already have a map in your mind of how all of these elements come together eventually for you one day. When you are a bit more organized you will also find focus.

When I was tired and feeling burnt out at some points in my career, I thought most about what bought me security and peace of mind, my financial independence and what I hoped for myself or my family. You can plan for those things also and map out what all these tools in your toolbox are meant to be, gain more momentum and continue your pursuits that way. Have a grand plan and move forward with it even if it takes several years or a few extra steps. You are fortunate to have family to help and support you also.

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On 7/23/2021 at 9:54 AM, andreasg9677 said:

But I'm done with the martial arts as a career path honestly. My main focus is having enough money to do what I want in my life.  Martial arts are a side hustle that only a few people come over successful in it. 

I think that's probably a good move. Martial arts is so niche. I don't know any senseis who make it their full time job, to be honest. That's because most local economies do not have a thriving martial arts sector--they just have a couple schools. If you're going to thrive doing martial arts, you have to be able to go to where the demand is--follow tournament circuits or the movie industry, something like that.

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9 hours ago, abitbroken said:

He sent you a text meant for someone else - big deal.  3-8 phone calls in one day seems excessive.  In fact, I would not want to talk to someone who was that demanding of my time.  If you had gone to him and said "hey, i am interested in being an instructor someday, what do i need to do over the next few years to make it a reality"

Because someone is very good at something does not make them a great teacher of it. often the best people in their field cannot break the subject down in a way that inspires self discovery or a grasp of concept in students.  While people that discovered cures for diseases, are the most famous violinist or what have you may be fascinating to listen to (to hear speak about their passion or literally listen to their music), they may not have the skillset to break things down in a way that other people can learn it, too.

You do really have a tone of typing where maybe you don't realize it - you come across as arrogant.   ONE person doesn't want to help you be an instructor so "no one makes money at it anyways".  If you say martial arts has taken a hit due to covid - why do you want to go into it right now - then blame others?  To me, i would think its not an overnight thing - you apprentice with an instructor - working under them and assisting them for quite awhile - there are ins and outs on the business end that you need to learn.

And martial arts is about inner control as well, and it seems you are just mad--

If you feel that teachers are replaceable -- is that how you will want your students to view yoursel.

On the contrary, there have been a lot of martial arts instructors that have had classes at the park, or have put out technique videos just for their students or have "met" with individual students over zoom or evaluated their techniques by videos the students shot.   I know martial arts that someone does at a regular gym might have suffered - people who are curious about it and try it - but people who are committed to it are practicing.

 

Honestly, I wasn't aware I was coming out so arrogant & for that I want to apologize. You are right that I am bitter about all those things that happened, I think it's just a phase I have to go through in order to get better & re think my life.

But now that you've mentioned it, looking back when I was in my university years & there was no covid. The future looked promising, or so I thought. Truth is, I was just 19 when I entered the university & I had no clue about how things would turn out. So I just made my plans solely on what my dream was in life ( I know it's a bit naïve) but I didn't know better.

Only to get a serious reality check later on in life. So this time I feel an intense need to priorities financial freedom first, over following my dream of being an instructor. Who knows? Maybe there is a better door ahead instead of what I thought I would be doing. 

I dislike playing the victim a lot. Which is why I sought out help here, I think it's one of the best choices I made for me and for everybody else as well. I mean it could have been worse, I could have done something bad instead to get back at them, instead of being here.

I guess that's my dark side, I am arrogant when I get mad, good to know I will try to work on that aspect of myself so it's less intense and try to control it myself. You are right, martial arts are about self control, I feel bad truth be told lately I'm out of control & I have a lot of anger inside me. 

This has something to do with the revenge attitude I guess. I guess at the end of the day, I tried and I failed epically is a lot more better than what if I did this or that with regards to what my original plans were.

But I can still dream on, dream another dreams. One door closes a bigger one opens with more opportunities, that has been my personal experience with life .So long as you are working hard on improving yourself & developing yourself.

Once again if I sounded arrogant I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound so bad, I was just very bitter for how things turn out so epically bad & in such proportions. But, I've already made up my mind I want to pursue this new path I was given in Trading & be a life long practitioner of the martial arts for me. 

Who knows? Maybe it will turn out for good, it's not the first time something bad happens to me & It turns out to be a blessing in disguise. 

Thank you my friend for being patient with me and telling me this, I really needed to see how I come out across. Plus all the other advise you gave me 😊

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I know two martial arts schools (long-established) where the owners/senseis both are 10th Dan.  In one case the school (very well attended) is the sensei's full-time job, plus he privately trains businessmen and others on a (relatively expensive) one-to-one basis. 

In the other school, also very well attended, the sensei runs a physical therapy business, in conjunction with two other therapists. 

There is no room for anger in martial arts, and as the senseis were fond of repeating to us: your only opponent is yourself. 

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6 hours ago, LaHermes said:

There is no room for anger in martial arts, and as the senseis were fond of repeating to us: your only opponent is yourself. 

Exactly this!  So much is about personal mastery. This isn't MMA where its about who can beat the crap out of eachother the fastest.

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12 hours ago, abitbroken said:

Exactly this!  So much is about personal mastery. This isn't MMA where its about who can beat the crap out of eachother the fastest.

And even those guys have a lot to learn from the Old school Senseis as well. I'm doing MMA now but for me. It's like there is the light of the martial arts ( Old school Senseis ) and the dark side of the martial arts ( MMA, Boxing, Muay Thai e.t.c) The yin and yang of the martial arts. 

I just you to know you guys are helping a lot, in fixing myself & improving. Heck my Father is a Karate Sensei & even he struggles a bit from time to time with anger, but he learns & moves on. I guess I should pick up that trait as well. 

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19 hours ago, LaHermes said:

I know two martial arts schools (long-established) where the owners/senseis both are 10th Dan.  In one case the school (very well attended) is the sensei's full-time job, plus he privately trains businessmen and others on a (relatively expensive) one-to-one basis. 

In the other school, also very well attended, the sensei runs a physical therapy business, in conjunction with two other therapists. 

There is no room for anger in martial arts, and as the senseis were fond of repeating to us: your only opponent is yourself. 

I loves this! I'm glad there are people out there as well. 10Dan?! That's insane! In the small island I live ( cyprus), actually half an island. It's a mess, 90% of them are not good people and only a small handful of them the 10% are actually good & established people like the example you gave right now.

I have to go from school to school in order to find those good guys.  The Grandmaster I work with right now is a gentleman. He is a bit crazy but it's the kind of good crazy it adds to his charm as a warrior. He is the one who told me that there is nothing wrong with you.

Most of those guys just go to other countries & they pay for the certificates of the martial arts so they get a 99,9% and then they come back knowing nothing. Which lead to confusion about who is a true instructor & not a fake.

Those guys, they also do marketing as well a lot so it's harder to distinguish them. I mean reflecting upon my life. The muay thai instructor I had at first, he was too far away & I didn't have a driving license, so I had to stop going there.

I found another guy, but I did something stupid once ( I was a child about 18 years old with ptsd comming out of the army clueless about how I looked to the outter world ) and he shamed me in front of the whole school instead of taking me on one side & speaking to me ( He was a newbie instructor back then).

Then I went and talk to him on my off day & I asked him to forgive me, I said I'm sorry but I never went back to that school. The second instructor I had was 67 years old and he was a wing chun instructor, I stayed there for 2,5 years I really really fought to stay there and go to work & then go to the university studying sports science. 

I had a lot of fun staying there, but I quitted because we never even had a single sparring session that was actually an intense sparring session & If we did it was with helmets & all that. I really loved Kung fu & we are still good friends with the instructor to this day. 

I still visit him from time to time he is a wonderful human being. But I felt like I was lacking in ground fighting. He suggested if I wanted to do judo instead to learn how to combine wing chun & judo together as well.

So I decided to go to an mma instructor I thought I knew that my university taekwondo friends were going there as well, they said come join us & let's spar sometime so I did. The guy there I later on then was a terrible human being & he made us fight all until we were injured.

Later on I learned that he had a motorcycle accident & he was paralysed. From that day on he had psychological problems. I learned that and when he broke my right forearm, I have had enough as I was going to school with a black eye & I left. 

Later on, I learned from, my Grandmaster that he knew that guy & he was the one who taught him mma. He told me that he was an epileptic & he was also a liar as well. He was a taekwondo fighter & not an mma ( he told me that he was the one who brought mma to cyprus) but that was also a lie. 

He told me that when he was training him , he fell to the ground & he had an epilepsy. So I was glad that it wasn't my fault.

But before that happened, there was a judo school I thought it would be a good idea to go since I was also practising wing chun & judo at one point at the same time meanwhile going to the university as well and at work ( I really fought and wanted this a lot) 

That I thought ok, this guy is doing sambo ( Russian mma) and judo, so I might as well join there as well. It turns out he used marketing & he was doing judo only. He was also a graduate in sports science at the same time from the university I was studying at the same time.

We have a lot in common so I stayed there for about 3,5 years. Yes, I also told him I wanted to become a sensei as well ( I fell in love with judo)  I was good at teaching and I was also very good as fighter, I was one of the schools best. 

But then corona virus has striken & I lost 5 judo fights. Also I was sensing that the sensei was looking at me in a weird way, as if he was competing with me but then everything went back to normal so I thought nothing was going on.

Up until the point where I have written here that he stopped answering the phone for me and I called him 3 - 8 times a day. When I decided that I just coudn't take it anymore, I had to change branch. We didn't have belt exams, In 12 years max I would be able to become an Instructor and then I would had to go to the school & then he would give me the students to train them for free just for experience though. 

That was the plan, we were to have private lessons. But he didn't answer, I told him it would take 1,5 years to my forex lessons so I woudn't be able to go. He said that is your future, so you have to & if this continues I would need to change branch as well.

So I coudn't wait or leave anymore with 600 euros a month and then wait another 5 years when I made so many superhuman efforts up until this point and I am 25 now. I had to make money and fast! I was getting desperate that if get 30 & I'm still where I am right now, I'm in trouble! 

So I did the only logical thing but study forex trading where my Cousin is a manager in Limassol, so I would stay in Limassol as well & he would help me find a descend job with 1500 euros at a starting salary with 75 euros bonuses at saturday and sunday, plus playing in the platform to make more money.

So I've chosen to do that & just be a lifelong martial artist & when I have enough money in my bank account & if the corona virus goes away, I would then go to thailand and train there at the tiger muay thai or go get a certificate there with my own merits, rather than paying for it. 

I woudn't waste my brain power anymore ( I have asperger's and I am highly intelligent), rather I would play it smart. Get the mental benefits the martial arts & the physical benefits it gives me & then use them to become more competitive at my job.

Dan Pena said that the most successful people have two thing in common : Military background or martial arts! So I've chosen to be a lifelong martial artist & write a book on the martial arts so I could justify my efforts all this time & expose what is really going on in the martial arts so other people are informed & so I could be finding ways to get better as well.

And the Grandamaster loved this idea & he is helping a lot as well. So I won in a sense! I outwitted those people who didn't want me! So in my book I also wrote, a door closes & another one opens, so long as you are working hard.

Also I also wrote a chinese proverb I believed in a lot. ' When the student is ready, the master will appear'. And so the Grandmaster appeared instead and took me in his wing. 

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I have to admit, talking about this here has been a therapeutic experience for me. I wish I did this sooner, I wasted a lot of time trying to deal with this on my own.  I will enter here most often, thank you all for your support.  

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