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Should i give him another chance


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I was with my ex for 4 years, he ended our relationship by text and ignored my messages.  I went to see him and he told me he ended it because i smelled as i only showered once a day and it should be twice.  He then continued to ignore my messages and i was left heartbroken.  8 Months later he tells me he has made a mistake and wants me back.  He has told me that he loves me and has worked out all his past committment issues and that he is ready to love me, as in the past he was not which is something i knew about and was patient with and understood, however sometimes it was hard for me as all i wanted was him to be more affectionate with me. 

He is promising me that he can make it up to me and show me how much he loves me etc.  However when i told him how much he had hurt me and that i didnt trust him (i also found out at the beginning of our relationship he slept with 2 other women, he says he was in a bad place back then and he never cheated when we got more serious and that he was a different person back then) and that i wasnt sure if i could forgive him and not sure it would now work or ever be the same and i asked if we could take it slow and be friends again and see if anything naturally got back for me and he was not happy with that and kept pushing me for an answer. 

i didnt understand his hurry and said if he is pushing me to make a decision now then its a no, well he got angry and started saying that he left me because i ***ing stink, my *** reeks, really nasty stuff.  I said why does he want me back if thats all true and he said because now i know i will make more effort.  He has totally devastated me with this as i do not know what ive done wrong as i always showered before seeing him, apart from when we was in lockdown i was very anxious and depressed and he did pop over in the garden a couple of times and he said i looked awful and my hair was greasy, and that was the time he keeps referring to as to when he felt i was letting myself go etc.  I was angry as i said to him that i was anxious and not coping very well back then and rather than presume i was being dirty why didnt he ask if i was ok. 

I even told him how anxious i was feeling and he never understood it, just made jokes about it.  He said recently that he was wrong to not speak to me and that he was wrong not to understand.  I have cried almost every day for almost a year over this break up and the things he has said.  He is still telling me he loves me and he wants to prove to me that he is sorry and he is now saying we can go at my pace and take as long as i need, where as a few months ago he was not prepared to do that but now he says he is.  So i said to him last week that i would give him a chance to show me but very slowly as i need to see that he means it. 

He was very happy and was being very loving, more so than ever before, and he was telling me how he has changed.  However i still feel he is pushing me too fast as he was talking about me staying over his house, going away together etc and on one hand that sounds all very nice but i told him i was not ready yet as we havent even had a few dates and he said why?  That made me wonder if he is still not listening or am i just being too scared?  Anyway we went for a walk on tuesday eve just gone with a group of friends and one of our friends brought their dog along. 

The dog is a lovely dog and i was stroking him but sanitized my hands after as i know my ex dont like dogs.  at the end of the night he drove me home and i said jokingly did i smell as it was a hot night and i guess being a bit flippant about his comments about me smelling was on my mind and he said no but i wish you would leave that dog alone.  He said he was hoping to have a cuddle but ive touched the dog.  I did not like this remark as i felt it again portrayed me as being smelly or dirty just because i touched a dog.  I said i never let him lick my face or anything so what did i do wrong?  i did  get a little cross and said well i dont like you shagging other women (i know i should not have said this).  He said through gritted teeth oh i cant be putting  up with this and that i dont want it to work as i turn everything upside down.  I left the car and he hasnt contacted me since. 

Now my question is, this guy has told me he is sorry and he will prove it to me and he wont let me down, yes we had a hiccup which i think is understandable at the start of possibly trying to work things out, but after one hiccup he has bolted, surely that is not proving me anything and i know feel like he has shown again that he cannot be trusted to not hurt me if i did open myself back up to him.   I thought he would message me the next day to apologise or to talk about it but he hasnt.  he will say he is giving me space no doubt but surely if he is trying to show me he loves me he would not have bolted at the first hurdle and say he cannot put up with this?  What should i do?

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Omg. This is extremely toxic!

Block and delete this man out of your life. Show him he's dealing with a strong woman who only seeks respectful and healthy men. He thinks he can insult you and you would still go back to him?

Honey, I'm sorry. Nope. No.

Block and delete. Forget about him. Do not succumb to any pressure or guilt trip. You owe him nothing. Please work on your self-worth and know that you matter as a woman.

Edited by DarkCh0c0
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32 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

This is extremely toxic. Block and delete this man out of your life.

Agree. he's abusive and you need to permanently cut him out of your life.✂

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1 hour ago, Shaz48 said:

that he left me because i ***ing stink, my *** reeks,

I read up to this, why would you even want to converse with a person who says things like that?

 

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Idk why you would entertain getting back together. He broke up because you smelled and only shower once a day? He’s a winner. He could have talked to you about the “problem”, talked to you when it didn’t “resolve” and talked to you about why he was leaving. The rest of his bs is ridiculous too but I can’t get over this part. He will never be someone you can count on and will look for reasons to end it, so he can take breaks, and leave you anxiety ridden wondering if he’s going to come back. And he will, but why would you even want him?

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I don't understand this. Why does a man who treats you so horribly inspire "love" in you?

Please don't say this is the best relationship and best man you've ever had!

Let him stay gone. And please seek counseling for your shockingly low self esteem.

PS: you posted this before under another user name, correct? I remember your past posts. This man has always treated you horribly.

 

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Do not get back together with this guy.

He has not changed.  He is never going to.  people who immediately go to insults etc, with the same breath as they changed are obviously toxic.

not only should you not date him, you should remove him completely from your life.

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Good grief, it's shocking to read how much abuse you are putting up with and for what? Do you not understand that his accusations, making you feel terrible about yourself, telling you that you smell is all pure abuse. He is saying these things because he knows it will hurt you and affect you and he likes it. He is sadistic!

Why do you put up with abuse and think that's love?

Please remove him from your life with extreme prejudice and never ever speak to him again no matter what bs he pulls on you trying to reach you. What he does is not love or caring, it's sadistic control games. Block, delete from everything. If he shows up on your doorstep demanding attention, don't open the door, call the cops. Never ever speak to him again. Never.

Also, please find a good therapist who actually specializes in dealing with victims of narcissistic abuse and get help for yourself. In some part, you have a very unhealthy understanding of how relationships should be and what love looks like and that needs to be fixed. In other ways, this psycho creep did a lot of damage to you and that also needs fixing and healing. Please do not date until you get yourself sorted out and know right from wrong again so you don't fall into another abusive relationship.

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You even need to ask what to do?  Tell him to hit the f***ing road!  He is absolutely disgusting.

Why would you believe anything he says?  Anyone who tells anyone they stink, on a regular basis, should be told to be gone.  

Block and delete him now!

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HE hurt you .. and for him to say no to you 'wanting to take it slowly - begin 'friend wise', is odd!

5 hours ago, Shaz48 said:

He is promising me that he can make it up to me and show me how much he loves me etc.

He had that chance the first time.  He pushed you away.

 

Do NOT look at all of this as fact is you never showered etc- as the problem.. He seems stuck on this crap 😕 .

HE has been quite rude & immature, instead of being somewhat understanding!  A 'good' person accepts & lets some stuff go.

 

So now, he is sorry?  Nope!  Accept NOTHING from such a nasty person.

YOU have been struggling for way too long over his crap - WHY would you accept him again? 😕 

6 hours ago, Shaz48 said:

 I thought he would message me the next day to apologise or to talk about it but he hasnt. 

Of course not.  He's a stuck up pos.

Walk away.. stay away. The past has NOTHING new to say!

Respect yourself ! ❤️ 

Get over this loser, and find someone who does appreciate you without so much nastiness.

 

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13 hours ago, Shaz48 said:

he left me because i ***ing stink, my *** reeks, really nasty stuff. 

He's quite a charmer.

There's no way I would stay with someone this cruel for 5 minutes, much less consider taking him back.

Think more of your Self, dear.

Once you can get even an inkling of your own unique value, you'll relax into confidence that someday, the RIGHT guy will be able to appreciate you, too.

Hold out for THAT kind of relationship.

Otherwise, you're setting yourself up for one miserable experience after another, because your standards are waaaay too low.

Head high, and consider making this guy no more important than a blip on your radar--you deserve SO much better.

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You are actually being emotionally abused and he cheated on you. He treats you absolutely horrible. Showering once a day is perfectly fine and I'm sure you don't smell. "Should I give him another chance?" NOOOOOOO

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I think one of the worst things anyone can tell a woman is that she stinks.Whatever he was doing the past 8 months didn’t work out so now it seems that he’s trying to crawl back to you. You deserve someone who doesn’t make you feel you’re nothing 

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