Jump to content

Is he hurt that I didn't follow up with his suggestions ?


Recommended Posts

There's this older gentleman at my work who is always friendly in passing. We work in completely unrelated departments but we always exchange pleasantries. Sometimes we have brief conversation about work and what not. Nothing too personal. Recently he told me that he went to this beautiful beach near the the side of town l live and was telling me how beautiful it is. Then he suggested we go sometime ..just casual not big deal. And then he said, let me know whenever you want to go. And he left the ball in my court.

 

I just said sure in the heat of the moment. I continued acting normal whenever our path crossed and still greeted him but I never brought it again or followed up because I figured I just couldn't be bothered. Now he's distance and not as friendly. I thought it was just a casual hangout. Was he expecting more? Is he offended that I just brushed it off?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Was he expecting more? Probably. Describing a beautiful beach and then asking you to join him there has more romantic undertones than just casual nothing much, imho.

Even if he didn't want more, you agreed and then never followed up one way or the other. Some people will think that's rude and be more sensitive about that than others.

If you are not looking to get involved, probably best to leave him alone for a bit to get over it. Also, if he was only being friendly because he had ulterior motives, don't expect him to warm up and be friendly again. It was fake friendliness with a goal in mind and since it failed, he is not likely to want to waste the effort going forward.

 

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, he was not direct, but yes, casual romantic walk through beautiful beach with the girl is usually considered a date. So, yes, he was probably expecting more. Especially because you said "yes" to that. Dunno about "offended" part, but probably dissapointed. Hence why behavior change.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think he was probably trying to ask you out on a date. I don't really see why a man that you don't know much would ask you to a beautiful beach. Even if he wanted to be friends then he'd probably ask you to have your lunch break at work together or something. He's probably upset and feels a bit rejected that you didn't go on the date. But if you're not really interested then don't worry about it. You don't have to go out with him or even be friends with him if you "can't be bothered". You've been polite and friendly at work but other than that you don't owe him anything else.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yeah, if he's seemed a little colder since, he's probably feeling rejected, but oh well.

Nothing to say or do about that.  People need to realize that just because we're 'kind' etc, does not mean any more than that.

Move along.  No worries 🙂 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yeah, he stepped beyond professional and went personal. He's either disappointed or embarrassed, but that's really his problem.

We need to see our co-workers every. single. work. day. So attempts to impose a new context on that are not always--maybe even not usually--well received, and that's on him.

I'd stay cheerful and do my part to put things back in place rather than go awkward, myself. I'd just pretend to not notice the distancing if our paths cross, and I'd never raise the subject.

If HE ever raises it, I'd add a convenient amnesia to my cheerfulness and gently let him know that I enjoy speaking with him, but I don't want to mix my private life with my work life.

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

8 hours ago, MrsWise said:

 Then he suggested we go sometime ..just casual not big deal. And then he said, let me know whenever you want to go. 

You work together? This sounds like office chitchat, not a date.

Just continue being friendly and professional.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...