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Ex Girlfriend Left - Confused

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1 hour ago, DancingFool said:

OP, you seem to be stuck on this tunnel vision - very fixated on what you want, who you want, how you want and you are completely ignoring who she is and the fact that she is not and has never been fully on board or able to give you what you want or be who you want her to be.

After 18 months, YOU were ready for marriage and yet she was very clear that she is not on the same page as you. Why do you keep ignoring her very clear message to you and her needs and decisions? Even after she dumped you, a pretty drastic move on her part, you are still ignoring HER message to you. Why is that? She is not a possession or a trophy you win if you get fit, stop drinking, etc.....do you even get that?

Bro, all of this stuff is for me. I have always been like that my entire life. I lost myself during Covid, that is it. This has nothing to do with her. It is for me. For my next relationship, OR, maybe one day she works through some of the issues she was dealing with and decides she wants to give us another shot. If that ever happens, I ain’t got a shot in hell being that guy I was during Covid. 

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I’ll tell ya what…after posting this thread last week and reading all the responses, I have been thinking very differently accepting that she is not coming back. Within that week I cannot tell you how much better I feel. It’s only been 9 weeks overall, but I was a bit of a mess the first 8 weeks. I was definitely holding onto hope everyday. That made it much worse without knowing. Wanted to thank everyone for the honest answers. Not easy to read at first, but it definitely helped me to take the necessary steps to move forward. I’ll post back in a month. Thanks again! 

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