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I can't deal with this anymore.


That36guy
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15 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

They are pretty awesome people with a lot to offer in conversation, intellect, ideas, new experiences and interests even if you aren't romantically or sexually interested in them.

Aaah yes, Lost. But you, you have forgotten that there is a race against the clock going on here among these four musketeers. 😏

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2 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

Dude really?  Young women your age act like that when they are all together but alone they probably don't.  Plus you need all the experience you can get interacting with women so you will relax and learn how to talk to them.

You seem determined to make this as hard on yourself as possible and I can't figure out why. 

Relax, stop being so judgemental and get to know women.  They are pretty awesome people with a lot to offer in conversation, intellect, ideas, new experiences and interests even if you aren't romantically or sexually interested in them.

  Lost

My sister and her friends wouldn’t give me a chance. They probably just view me as the socially awkward weirdo who plays too many video games. I know for a fact that my sister views me as much.

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3 hours ago, That36guy said:

I'm gonna be going back to college in a month and I'm also looking for a new job. I can only hope for new opportunities at those places.

It’s not about hope.  It’s about you putting in the effort and from a positive mindset where you’re approachable, good eye contact, good body language, good listener and where you want the people around you to feel comfortable around you.  The opportunities are only there if you put in this kind of effort. 

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@That36guy they view you like that because that's how you are.

But, that doesn't mean you can't change how you are and how they see you. I'm sure if you would show some initiative, your sister would notice it and compliment you. But that has to come from you, for you.

So maybe cut down the video games, read some self-help books, and do some work on you self esteem so that it's no longer dependent on whether a woman accepts or rejects you. You can do it.

Edited by DarkCh0c0
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What Darkchoco said.  And

Your sister is one shrewd girl.  As I said earlier try some entirely different interests leisure pursuits, get out more, enjoy life, try not to see stuff so black and white. You will become less socially awkward with practice . And , why are you so socially awkward in the first place. Reasons?

I got really worried about you OP when you remarked that the missing and found sachet of sauce was in a collection on a shelf over your bed. That's the type of thing you need to avoid. Know what I mean?

There are good books out there. Try "Why do I do That" by Dr. Joseph Burgo. You can get it online.

 

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2 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

You seem determined to make this as hard on yourself as possible and I can't figure out why. 

At a guess, because he's way too afraid to talk to women but wants to make it their fault because he isn't ready or willing (yet) to dig deeper and fix himself first. 

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On 7/20/2021 at 7:50 AM, That36guy said:

For the past few months, I've had this co-worker who's had an unrequited crush on me.

Is this the same girl who didn't put her lunch next to yours in the fridge? You know for a fact that she had a crush on you? or are you just assuming/guessing?

IF, and it's a big IF she had a crush on you, you said you weren't interested in her, so she moved on.  Now you ask her out and you can't understand why she turned you down?  You weren't interested in her and she's not interested in you either (if she ever was).

I agree with LaHermes:  .... "There may well be "new opportunities" in those places.  But that will be of little use if you do not change your behaviour, address your anger issues, and remove that massive chip on your shoulder.  You are destined to failure if you do not deal with these aspects FIRST." 

Address all your issues first if you want to be successful in finding a partner and relationship.

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So I have something of an unexpected update:

Ya’ll remember that one girl whom I was upset with because she didn’t invite me to her birthday party? Well today at work, she invited me to go bowling with her and her group of friends. (the ones I mentioned in this post)

Apparently they all go bowling every Tuesday night and go out to eat afterwards. She just invited me out of the blue to join them tonight and I definitely took her up on that offer.

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12 minutes ago, That36guy said:

Apparently they all go bowling every Tuesday night and go out to eat afterwards. She just invited me out of the blue to join them tonight and I definitely took her up on that offer.

Good, go!

And talk to the group. This is your chance to get to know all of them better and learn to come out of your shell more. 

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20 minutes ago, That36guy said:

So I have something of an unexpected update:

Ya’ll remember that one girl whom I was upset with because she didn’t invite me to her birthday party? Well today at work, she invited me to go bowling with her and her group of friends. (the ones I mentioned in this post)

Apparently they all go bowling every Tuesday night and go out to eat afterwards. She just invited me out of the blue to join them tonight and I definitely took her up on that offer.

That's great!  Now, maybe you can stop being catty about that group and their behaviors.  I felt it was sour grapes because they weren't including you, but now they are.  So go ahead and have fun!  And don't go sit in the bathroom and play on your phone lol.

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7 hours ago, That36guy said:

I don't hang out with my sister and her friends because I don't like being surrounded by a bunch of screaming Instagram posers.

Maybe dating is so hard for you because you're such a downer?

Nobody responds well to that.

You might believe that people think you're confiding in them when you say hostile things, but the common theme in all of your negativity is YOU.

I'd consider learning (through books, videos, ANYthing) how to retrain the critical voice you run in your own head, and replace it instead with the voice of a challenging but optimistic coach.

You are your own worst enemy, and the bad stuff you predict WILL become a self-fulfilling prophesy unless you start considering ways to change your own mind, and you start speaking to yourself accordingly.

Nobody here--or anywhere--can do that FOR you. It's an inside job, and the only way to do it is to DO it.

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28 minutes ago, That36guy said:

So I have something of an unexpected update:

Ya’ll remember that one girl whom I was upset with because she didn’t invite me to her birthday party? Well today at work, she invited me to go bowling with her and her group of friends. (the ones I mentioned in this post)

Apparently they all go bowling every Tuesday night and go out to eat afterwards. She just invited me out of the blue to join them tonight and I definitely took her up on that offer.

YaaaY, you!

Go and be NICE, not a whiner, and see how this changes your work life.

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11 hours ago, That36guy said:

she invited me to go bowling with her and her group of friends

This is terrific news OP.  And, please, have FUN!! Be outgoing, and chat to them all. 

And what Bolt said!

11 hours ago, boltnrun said:

And don't go sit in the bathroom and play on your phone lol.

 

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22 hours ago, That36guy said:

Well this guy whom she’s with now is involved in all sorts of childish drama that’s permeating the workplace. He’s going to get her in tons of trouble sooner than later.

None of your concern 

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4 hours ago, LaHermes said:

This is terrific news OP.  And, please, have FUN!! Be outgoing, and chat to them all. 

And what Bolt said!

 

For the most part, I did end up having fun. I chatted as much as I could and everyone seemed pretty happy to see me, surprisingly. There were some moments where I felt like the odd one out while everyone else was joking around and making what I assume to be a bunch of inside jokes. There were about 15 of us and quite a few of them mentioned me joining them on some of their future hangouts.

I gave one girl my number and she said something about including me in their Snapchat group so that I can stay up to date on their outings, but I don't really know how to use Snapchat and I'm not sure if further action is needed on my part.

But I guess you could say it was pretty fun and I'm hopeful for future outings together.

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6 minutes ago, That36guy said:

I don't really know how to use Snapchat

If you can figure out how to use your gaming system you can figure out how to use Snapchat. 

Don't look for excuses to sit at home alone watching TV and eating pizza. You have an opportunity here, grab it and have some fun.

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3 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

If you can figure out how to use your gaming system you can figure out how to use Snapchat. 

Don't look for excuses to sit at home alone watching TV and eating pizza. You have an opportunity here, grab it and have some fun.

Help me to understand: Now that she has my number, how does that play into Snapchat? I just gave her my number on her phone, but I don’t think that I did anything on her Snapchat itself.

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15 minutes ago, That36guy said:

For the most part, I did end up having fun. I chatted as much as I could and everyone seemed pretty happy to see me, surprisingly. There were some moments where I felt like the odd one out while everyone else was joking around and making what I assume to be a bunch of inside jokes. There were about 15 of us and quite a few of them mentioned me joining them on some of their future hangouts.

I gave one girl my number and she said something about including me in their Snapchat group so that I can stay up to date on their outings, but I don't really know how to use Snapchat and I'm not sure if further action is needed on my part.

But I guess you could say it was pretty fun and I'm hopeful for future outings together.

excellent! 👏👏👏

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50 minutes ago, That36guy said:

Help me to understand: Now that she has my number, how does that play into Snapchat? I just gave her my number on her phone, but I don’t think that I did anything on her Snapchat itself.

Download the Snapchat app and if you see "so-and-so added you as a friend!" then add her back. If she "snaps" you, either send a snap back or message her via the app.

She also said she'll add you to a Snapchat group chat. Follow the same process as the above to join the group chat. However, when someone in the group chat snaps or messages everyone, there is no etiquette which requires you to reply.

Personally, I don't love Snapchat myself, but if you follow the above you likely will not offend anyone.

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1 hour ago, Pleasedonot5 said:

Download the Snapchat app and if you see "so-and-so added you as a friend!" then add her back. If she "snaps" you, either send a snap back or message her via the app.

She also said she'll add you to a Snapchat group chat. Follow the same process as the above to join the group chat. However, when someone in the group chat snaps or messages everyone, there is no etiquette which requires you to reply.

Personally, I don't love Snapchat myself, but if you follow the above you likely will not offend anyone.

She hasn’t added me at all. Now I’m worried that she’s not going to add me and I’ll be left out of more of their plans. I’m freaking out right now.

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14 minutes ago, That36guy said:

She hasn’t added me at all. Now I’m worried that she’s not going to add me and I’ll be left out of more of their plans. I’m freaking out right now.

Stop with the freak-outs!

Give her a minute before you go into full panic mode or decide to send her a message full of insults. 

You gotta learn to take it easy or you'll never get anywhere with women.

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19 hours ago, catfeeder said:

Maybe dating is so hard for you because you're such a downer?

Nobody responds well to that.

You might believe that people think you're confiding in them when you say hostile things, but the common theme in all of your negativity is YOU.

I'd consider learning (through books, videos, ANYthing) how to retrain the critical voice you run in your own head, and replace it instead with the voice of a challenging but optimistic coach.

You are your own worst enemy, and the bad stuff you predict WILL become a self-fulfilling prophesy unless you start considering ways to change your own mind, and you start speaking to yourself accordingly.

Nobody here--or anywhere--can do that FOR you. It's an inside job, and the only way to do it is to DO it.

You need to internalize this advice.  This is exactly how I used to be and still can be at times.  I was raised by a negative mother and it has taken a LOT of unlearning and at least trying to be optimistic.  Don't end up like me is all I can say.  You're young and can turn it around.  Once you get older and have been through many unfortunate experiences in life, you can become bitter and negative and people won't want to be around you.  Take it from a guy who knows and who is also his own worst enemy.

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47 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Stop with the freak-outs!

Give her a minute before you go into full panic mode or decide to send her a message full of insults. 

You gotta learn to take it easy or you'll never get anywhere with women.

Well what could be taking her so long? I imagine simply adding someone doesn’t take too long.

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1 hour ago, That36guy said:

She hasn’t added me at all. Now I’m worried that she’s not going to add me and I’ll be left out of more of their plans. I’m freaking out right now.

Stop freaking out. You said she mentioned adding you to their SnapChat group, but maybe she has other things going on with her life and this is not an emergency. If she doesn't end up adding you, just remind her about that next time you see her, without being panicky about it.

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