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Well I have stopped drinking for a while after failing at moderation. I admit it sucks and i am really struggling right now. Was trying to persuade my husband to let me try moderating again and also trying to persuade myself 'it will be different this time'. 

I am getting help but feel sometimes it is not enough. I have a lovely daughter and husband so why risk it all just for a bottle? 

I try to tell myself i am not experiencing psychological cravings but know I am. I do not have any physical ones  

I just pray this gets easier. Even with help it is a struggle 😞

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Good job. It is a very tough road. But you can succeed. 

This is a very common sentiment:

Just now, CrazyWife said:

'it will be different this time'. 

Don't be fooled! Don't let youself succumb to it!

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"It will be different this time" is just your brain trying to rationalize so you can have alcohol again. People do this with a TON of things that they have "fallen off the wagon" with, not just alcohol or drugs. Can also apply to food (especially sugar for sugar addicts), videogames, gambling, etc.

It won't be different this time because for some people, their brains are just not able to moderate certain things. That's just how you're wired. You're doing the right thing, proud of you.

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8 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I wish you all the best. What resources have you accessed to help you with your cravings/addiction?

I tried AA again but not for me. I have a therapist and really supportive family / friends.

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7 minutes ago, Fudgie said:

"It will be different this time" is just your brain trying to rationalize so you can have alcohol again. People do this with a TON of things that they have "fallen off the wagon" with, not just alcohol or drugs. Can also apply to food (especially sugar for sugar addicts), videogames, gambling, etc.

It won't be different this time because for some people, their brains are just not able to moderate certain things. That's just how you're wired. You're doing the right thing, proud of you.

Thank you. It is like this angel and devil on my shoulder. One says you know you will go back to binging and being full of regret and empty promises. The other is saying 'you got this' 'you just need to have more self control and it will be different' and the biggest one - 'what harm will it do?' 

It is like I am in a constant battle with myself.

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Why aren't you in rehab or AA?

Unfortunately it sounds like you'll stay in denial until you hit "rock bottom" when your family steps away from you, your husband divorces you, you end up in the ER, in jail for a DUI, etc..

Edited by Wiseman2
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Posted (edited)
17 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Why aren't you in rehab or AA?

In the UK you only get private rehabs which cost ££££. We don't get funded places especially with the NHS being under so much pressure. 

Tried AA again recently and really not for me. I see a therapist and will be starting SMART meetings next week. Hear it is different from AA and more up to date so it is definitely worth a shot.

Edited by CrazyWife
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5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Why aren't you in rehab or AA?

Unfortunately it sounds like you'll stay in denial until you hit "rock bottom" when your family steps away from you, your husband divorces you, you end up in the ER, in jail for a DUI, etc..

I wouldn't say I am in denial at all. I know I have alcohol use disorder but get frustrated with my mind trying to pull me back. 

Rehab in the UK costs thousands. If i could go tomorrow i would. But i use a therapist and will start group support. I just have moments of weakness and fights with the demon inside me. 

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Posted (edited)
10 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

Just curious: what did you dislike about AA specifically?

Find it very authoritative and dated. Seems very guilt driven but that is just my experiences with it. I work in psychiatry so doesn't match up to my way of thinking when it comes to addiction. I hear SMART is more up to date so will try that next week. 

Plus i feel i need to explore more which i can do with a therapist and not AA. Some members can really rag on you if you don't attend 4 meetings a day. I get it is important but i need other things in my life too.

Edited by CrazyWife
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9 minutes ago, CrazyWife said:

I wouldn't say I am in denial at all. I know I have alcohol use disorder but get frustrated with my mind trying to pull me back. 

Rehab in the UK costs thousands. If i could go tomorrow i would. But i use a therapist and will start group support. I just have moments of weakness and fights with the demon inside me. 

Sadly, that's the way 'addiction' is 😕 ... trying to pull you back.. to give in..again.

Great you're seeking some prof help.. yes, for sure, keep that up!

You are strong, so keep fighting those demons!

Convince yourself over & over again.. You do NOT need that nasty stuff.. you do NOT want it! That's the fight.

Any way you can change somethings in 'how' you deal with it? eg. Maybe a fizzy drink instead- when you feel weak? .. Or suck on a mint, eat some chocolate? Try to keep your hands & mind busy.. take the thoughts elsewhere.

One day at a time . ❤️

 

 

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I was not an every day drinker but an extreme binge drinker and smoked and I was addicted to over the counter meds ( codeine) I just cold turkey everything because it was going to ruin my life. Now about 30 years later I have the occasional drink and I can take the occasional codeine for a migraine . About 22 years ago I had the occasional cigarette but can’t be bothered since.  You may or may not get to that point. Please, don’t throw your life away and your child’s life away. 

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52 minutes ago, CrazyWife said:

In the UK you only get private rehabs which cost ££££.

Correct CW.  Anything private is expensive over here. 

"Prices can vary from just over £1,000 per week to close to £10,000 per week,"

MIND does offer some support.

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/addiction-and-dependency

I do recall you mentioning some months back:

I have anxiety and depression and just started antidepressants. Alcohol is one thing that makes me feel content."

Hope that you are finding an improvement with the anxiety and depression. 

Edited by LaHermes
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51 minutes ago, CrazyWife said:

Well I have stopped drinking for a while after failing at moderation. I admit it sucks and i am really struggling right now. Was trying to persuade my husband to let me try moderating again and also trying to persuade myself 'it will be different this time'. 

I am getting help but feel sometimes it is not enough. I have a lovely daughter and husband so why risk it all just for a bottle? 

I try to tell myself i am not experiencing psychological cravings but know I am. I do not have any physical ones  

I just pray this gets easier. Even with help it is a struggle 😞

Keep on. Take each day one at a time, don't look down the road and wonder how you can manage days, weeks, or years.

Just focus on today.

Stay away from any kind of outing or occasion where people are drinking, it will only trigger you and most likely cause a major backslide.

You have to be okay with saying goodbye to all of the "parties", as well as using alcohol to cope and thinking it's going to help you.

Change your mindsets.

You don't need alcohol to have a good time. You don't need alcohol in order to deal with stress, or upset.

Keep telling yourself those two things, over and over.

Find new ways of dealing with stress.

 Meditation, exercising, becoming involved with groups that are focused on becoming healthier and better versions of themselves. (exercise groups, groups focused on relaxation techniques for stress, etc). Check out meetup.com 

There are also several groups online for meditation and support for stress, as well as support groups for trying to overcome alcohol addiction.

When you start to feel triggered, or cravings, get yourself out of the situation that might have triggered it, do some deep breathing, tell yourself that you're okay...you can get past this and not fall back.

It takes time to work your way into these new mind sets and new ways of dealing with things..but keep on practicing and don't give up on yourself!!

 

 

Edited by SherrySher
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16 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

Sadly, that's the way 'addiction' is 😕 ... trying to pull you back.. to give in..again.

Great you're seeking some prof help.. yes, for sure, keep that up!

You are strong, so keep fighting those demons!

Convince yourself over & over again.. You do NOT need that nasty stuff.. you do NOT want it! That's the fight.

Any way you can change somethings in 'how' you deal with it? eg. Maybe a fizzy drink instead- when you feel weak? .. Or suck on a mint, eat some chocolate? Try to keep your hands & mind busy.. take the thoughts elsewhere.

One day at a time . ❤️

 

 

Yeah i get nice bottle of fruit juice etc... It is so tough especially when there is so much of a drinking culture.

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5 minutes ago, SherrySher said:

Keep on. Take each day one at a time, don't look down the road and wonder how you can manage days, weeks, or years.

Just focus on today.

Stay away from any kind of outing or occasion where people are drinking, it will only trigger you and most likely cause a major backslide.

You have to be okay with saying goodbye to all of the "parties", as well as using alcohol to cope and thinking it's going to help you.

Change your mindsets.

You don't need alcohol to have a good time. You don't need alcohol in order to deal with stress, or upset.

Keep telling yourself those two things, over and over.

Find new ways of dealing with stress, meditation, exercising, becoming involved with groups that are focused on becoming healthier and better versions of themselves. (exercise groups, groups focused on relaxation techniques for stress, etc).

When you start to feel triggered, or cravings, get yourself out of the situation that might have triggered it, do some deep breathing, tell yourself that you're okay...you can get past this and not fall back.

It takes time to work your way into these new mind sets and new ways of dealing with things..but keep on practicing and don't give up on yourself!!

 

 

Thank you for your advice. I need to change a lot of things at the moment.

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5 minutes ago, CrazyWife said:

Thank you for your advice. I need to change a lot of things at the moment.

Try not to let it overwhelm you.

I have been in your shoes. You can get out of this, I promise.

Focus on only today, and each day... only focus on this moment.

You do have control over your own choices and your own thoughts. 

You can move into a different direction with your life, and things will become better.

Change takes time, it is something you can achieve, but just go day by day, hour by hour..even minute by minute if you have to.

Slow deep breaths.

You are stronger than this addiction and these cravings.

keep pushing back. 

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17 minutes ago, SherrySher said:

Keep on. Take each day one at a time, don't look down the road and wonder how you can manage days, weeks, or years.

Just focus on today.

Stay away from any kind of outing or occasion where people are drinking, it will only trigger you and most likely cause a major backslide.

You have to be okay with saying goodbye to all of the "parties", as well as using alcohol to cope and thinking it's going to help you.

Change your mindsets.

You don't need alcohol to have a good time. You don't need alcohol in order to deal with stress, or upset.

Keep telling yourself those two things, over and over.

Find new ways of dealing with stress.

 Meditation, exercising, becoming involved with groups that are focused on becoming healthier and better versions of themselves. (exercise groups, groups focused on relaxation techniques for stress, etc). Check out meetup.com 

There are also several groups online for meditation and support for stress, as well as support groups for trying to overcome alcohol addiction.

When you start to feel triggered, or cravings, get yourself out of the situation that might have triggered it, do some deep breathing, tell yourself that you're okay...you can get past this and not fall back.

It takes time to work your way into these new mind sets and new ways of dealing with things..but keep on practicing and don't give up on yourself!!

 

 

I think one of the hardest things is saying goodbye to that part of my life e.g. the crazy nights out, parties. But my mind is very selective and only remembers the good and fun parts! Doesn't remember the arguments, fights, embarrassing moments etc...the list of bad things is endless! 

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5 minutes ago, SherrySher said:

Try not to let it overwhelm you.

I have been in your shoes. You can get out of this, I promise.

Focus on only today, and each day... only focus on this moment.

You do have control over your own choices and your own thoughts. 

You can move into a different direction with your life, and things will become better.

Change takes time, it is something you can achieve, but just go day by day, hour by hour..even minute by minute if you have to.

Slow deep breaths.

You are stronger than this addiction and these cravings.

keep pushing back. 

Thank you for your words of support and well done on reaching recovery yourself.

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Posted (edited)
29 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

I was not an every day drinker but an extreme binge drinker and smoked and I was addicted to over the counter meds ( codeine) I just cold turkey everything because it was going to ruin my life. Now about 30 years later I have the occasional drink and I can take the occasional codeine for a migraine . About 22 years ago I had the occasional cigarette but can’t be bothered since.  You may or may not get to that point. Please, don’t throw your life away and your child’s life away. 

Well done on fighting your demons. I have a lot to work through but need to do it, not only for me, but my daughter too.

Edited by CrazyWife
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27 minutes ago, CrazyWife said:

I think one of the hardest things is saying goodbye to that part of my life e.g. the crazy nights out, parties. But my mind is very selective and only remembers the good and fun parts! Doesn't remember the arguments, fights, embarrassing moments etc...the list of bad things is endless! 

Absolutely! I fully agree, I remember feeling a type of mourning and loss.

I remember feeling, like I was now cut out of all the "good times" that everyone else seemed to be involved with.

Christmas parties, summer bbq's, girls weekends, etc, etc.

Yes, I remember quite well.

You'll feel left out, you will feel like everything is boring or sad without the drink and others drinking.

You will feel like just throwing in the towel and joining, even though you know it's a toxic place to go to.

This is another part of the whole addiction that you need to get past.

It's part of the recovery.

You need to be okay with letting it go, letting those situations go.

And you need to realize that there are still many good times out there, filled with happiness, laughter, joy, excitement, achievement...that have absolutely nothing to do with alcohol and drinking.

You just need to find those places and people, find what you're interested in and what you want to become involved with.

Will it seem lame at first? Maybe...your brain is wired for partying, drinking...so yes, it will think everything else is boring.

But it's not the truth.

You just have to redirect your brain and start seeing all the good things out there that won't lead you back to drinking.

Finding a new hobby, taking classes (furthering your education), a new challenge, focusing on getting your body stronger.

 Speed walking, cycling, yoga,...whatever you think you can manage and want to create goals towards.

Reading books, or learning something online.

Deciding on travelling somewhere, reading up on where you want to go, the culture, the views, saving money towards it.

Redecorating your house, photography, writing, cooking, making jewelry.

There are so many things out there that is new to discover, and so many people yet to meet that will be in the same mindset as you, in wanting to have a happy life with no substances.

Redirect your mind to other things, keep yourself busy, focus on a better you, a different perspective and better horizons/goals.

In the moments that you feel sadness for the loss of your old lifestyle...allow it, recognize it, but let it pass and remind yourself that you don't need to be tied to that any longer.

Force yourself to remember the fights, the drunken slurs, the silly behavior, the out of control behavior.

It's all false happiness through a substance.

It's now time to find real happiness through life and down other paths.

 

 

Edited by SherrySher
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