Jump to content

Shady or


susanhelp
 Share

Recommended Posts

So I have been seeing a new guy for 2 months. He has been a gentleman for all of this time. In between I have gone on a 3 week vacation in which he texted calls all the time saying very nice things and saying he is falling in love with me. So I get back everything is great. He is now gone on vacation for a week but when he calls he has to be outside with no one around. He has said things like can you call me quickly as I’m in a parking lot getting coffee.  I asked could I call last night in a text and he said hang on I’ll call you in a minute. He has not texted as much and I’m getting suspicious if he is with someone.  He has asked we be exclusive so I’m hoping he is being honest   He also said he is going to marry me etc. My thinking it’s to early to even say that so I just laugh at the comments.  Last night I was scoring home from work and he says are I alone??  Weird so I say why are you!! I’m having bad ideas pop in my head now as I do believe he is there with a woman. I said to him my deal breakers are dishonesty and he didn’t say anything. I know he has a right to as anyone he wants but I just don’t like someone being dishonest. Trust issues from my past. So what are your thoughts on this 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 minute ago, susanhelp said:

So I have been seeing a new guy for 2 months. He also said he is going to marry me etc.

Agree several red flags. It's possible he's with someone. How much do you know about him?

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Who did he say he is on vacation with? Or did he say it's a solo trip? You were gone 3 weeks and he'll be gone a week, so how many times have you seen each other in person--3 or 4 times? Sometimes comments like loving you and wanting to marry you this early on means he wants to find a speedy way to get a naive woman in bed. Don't know if you've been intimate or not yet, but something to be aware of.

8 minutes ago, susanhelp said:

I just don’t like someone being dishonest. Trust issues from my past

For one thing, nobody like dishonesty. But you shouldn't bring emotional baggage from your past to ruin new relationships. Take each new relationship as a separate entity, observing and analyzing each partnership as any emotionally healthy person would and should.

There's a possibility he's with a woman and a possibility he's not. You can either assume he is and dump him now, or keep dating him with a wait-and-see attitude. But if you haven't slept with him yet, I'd hold off on that until you feel confident he's good partner material.

  • Like 6
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I agree with wiseman too. Already bringing up marriage, and acting as if he's talking to you in hiding are red flags.

I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and wait till he explains himself once he's back. But more so the marriage thing itself would send me running to the hills.

See how he reacts and if you believe/feel it's still shady, then I suggest you end it as quickly as possible.

  • Like 2
  • Thanks 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

29 minutes ago, Andrina said:

Who did he say he is on vacation with? Or did he say it's a solo trip? You were gone 3 weeks and he'll be gone a week, so how many times have you seen each other in person--3 or 4 times? Sometimes comments like loving you and wanting to marry you this early on means he wants to find a speedy way to get a naive woman in bed. Don't know if you've been intimate or not yet, but something to be aware of.

For one thing, nobody like dishonesty. But you shouldn't bring emotional baggage from your past to ruin new relationships. Take each new relationship as a separate entity, observing and analyzing each partnership as any emotionally healthy person would and should.

There's a possibility he's with a woman and a possibility he's not. You can either assume he is and dump him now, or keep dating him with a wait-and-see attitude. But if you haven't slept with him yet, I'd hold off on that until you feel confident he's good partner material.

I have been intimate with him after 2

months of many dates.  Just his behaviour is off since he is on vacation. He said he was going to see family 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

After 2 months dating.. to even mention something like 'love' and marriage.. is VERY odd!

That is totally unrealistic.  Love develops over time - so all he's saying is not true.  And to add marriage talk is another joke.

If you are truly into him, give it more time.. see how it progresses.. OR, walk away from this one (assuming he's involved with someone else as well..- Or rebounding (from an ex - recent break up..?).

Either way.. if you find him acting odd, soon enough I think you'll catch on, he's not okay.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

41 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Agree several red flags. It's possible he's with someone. How much do you know about him?

Taking me

on many nice dates before I went away  not intimate until I returned home and not until a week after. I even slept on his bed and nothing happened as I told him I was not ready.  Since he has been gone it’s just weird comments. He couldn’t talk enough when I was away and I mean hours on the phone at night 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You are concerned about the way he is acting now so why not ask him.  "I noticed you have changed like our communication, frequency and it seems to have an air of secrecy"  "Why have you suddenly changed"  It is a fair question to ask.

Also you need to set some boundaries on all this love and marriage talk.  Simply tell him there is no way he has fallen in love that fast and talking about marriage this soon is concerning to you.

Is he love bombing you?  Does he have another woman he is doing the same thing too?  If he is single and as interested and "In love" as he says he will explain himself.  Give him that opportunity, maybe there is a good explanation.

Lost

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 hours ago, susanhelp said:

So I have been seeing a new guy for 2 months. He has been a gentleman for all of this time. In between I have gone on a 3 week vacation in which he texted calls all the time saying very nice things and saying he is falling in love with me. So I get back everything is great. He is now gone on vacation for a week but when he calls he has to be outside with no one around. He has said things like can you call me quickly as I’m in a parking lot getting coffee.  I asked could I call last night in a text and he said hang on I’ll call you in a minute. He has not texted as much and I’m getting suspicious if he is with someone.  He has asked we be exclusive so I’m hoping he is being honest   He also said he is going to marry me etc. My thinking it’s to early to even say that so I just laugh at the comments.  Last night I was scoring home from work and he says are I alone??  Weird so I say why are you!! I’m having bad ideas pop in my head now as I do believe he is there with a woman. I said to him my deal breakers are dishonesty and he didn’t say anything. I know he has a right to as anyone he wants but I just don’t like someone being dishonest. Trust issues from my past. So what are your thoughts on this 

Unfortunately, if you feel he already has a girlfriend and is messing around, you're most likely correct.

Yes, it does sound very shady how he is acting, and it wouldn't be shocking being as you're not in person.

Have you not met any of his family, or friends yet?

Edited by SherrySher
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I do not ask questions and expect honesty from someone I suspect of being dishonest. You will be shooting yourself in the foot, wondering if you asked it right or if there's something wrong with you instead. The only game you are playing is with yourself in the end. Trust your instincts. If he's shady, dump him. It's only two/three months. 

Also, see your doctor to get checked for STDs after you end this. I would not continue seeing this person. This early, if you're getting all kinds of red flags like this, do not even hesitate to move on. 

  • Like 3
  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'd just stop contacting him or responding to his contact.  If he comes back from his vacation then you can have a face-to-face conversation and ask what the heck was going on.  If he can't give you a straight answer or his explanation seems fishy, at least you'll know you gave it your best shot.  His behaviour is off right now and I suspect he knows it.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

13 hours ago, susanhelp said:

I have been intimate with him after 2

months of many dates.  Just his behaviour is off since he is on vacation. He said he was going to see family 

Ok. After 8 weeks dating and 4 of those one of you have been on vacation, you don't know him well enough to know what's off or not.

People go away on vacation and may not want to be tethered to the phone.

Much more of a red flag is you constantly chitchatting while you were away.

This seems more like once you slept with him you became worried. 

How did you meet? What makes your mind instantly go to "he's cheating"?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

9 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok. After 8 weeks dating and 4 of those one of you have been on vacation, you don't know him well enough to know what's off or not.

People go away on vacation and may not want to be tethered to the phone.

Much more of a red flag is you constantly chitchatting while you were away.

This seems more like once you slept with him you became worried. 

How did you meet? What makes your mind instantly go to "he's cheating"?

I met him though actual friend  as for cheating I have been there before with  an ex husband.  When I was on vacation he called and texted all the time and it was strange to be honest.  He just seems off but if he is that’s okay as well. I’m just guarded 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

8 hours ago, SherrySher said:

Unfortunately, if you feel he already has a girlfriend and is messing around, you're most likely correct.

Yes, it does sound very shady how he is acting, and it wouldn't be shocking being as you're not in person.

Have you not met any of his family, or friends yet?

Met all his family  he will meet mine This week when he returns 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

11 minutes ago, susanhelp said:

I met him though actual friend  as for cheating I have been there before with  an ex husband.  When I was on vacation he called and texted all the time and it was strange to be honest.  He just seems off but if he is that’s okay as well. I’m just guarded 

As for then chitchatting he was the one constantly calling texting me. I was busy but replied or called back when I had time 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If you do plan on asking him why he needed to be alone on this holiday to speak to you, I would ask him face-to-face. You can better gauge his reaction that way. 

It does seem strange, especially since his family has already met you. It's not as though he's waiting to be sure things do somewhere before letting them know he's seeing someone. Perhaps these family members he's visiting haven't met you, but I don't see why the cloak-and-dagger behaviour if his immediate family already knows you.

 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

So he keeps jokingly saying when he calls. Things like did you just Kroc your boyfriend out before I called or is anyone there with you. What’s up with this kind of statements  I joke with him about it but find it strange   Maybe he has someone there with him and is projecting his behaviour to me 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, susanhelp said:

as for cheating I have been there before with  an ex husband. I’m just guarded 

When you insert past baggage into new situations (you're clearly not ready for or confident in) you'll be wringing your hands over anything and everything, whether it's how much someone texts on vacation to any other supposedly "suspicious" (but random) nuances.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, susanhelp said:

Things like did you just Kroc your boyfriend out before I called or is anyone there with you.

So what do you find appealing about his personality then, if he's making inappropriate statements like this?

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

  • Top Discussions this Week

  • Our picks

    • 3 Simple Strategies To Ditch The Imposter Syndrome
      Have you ever felt like you're a fraud who doesn't belong? According to a recent article published in the International Journal of Behavioral Science, seven in every ten people have or will experience impostor syndrome at some point in their lives. We couldn't see our tribe suffering from this anymore, so we brought in the person who'll help you ditch this feeling for good. In this video, peak performance expert Shadé Zahrai joins Vishen to discuss how to supercharge your life and improve your self-esteem by constructing your own reality, leveraging your self-awareness, and regaining control over your inner critic

       
      • 0 replies
    • 5 Things People Who’ve Been Mentally Abused Do
      Do you know how common mental abuse is? According to The National Center for Biotechnology Information, 80 percent of the population has experienced some form of abusive relationship and behavior. However, despite how frequent it is, emotional abuse is still hard to spot. Unlike physical abuse, mental abuse doesn’t leave any visible scars; instead, it affects someone’s behavior, mindset, and mentality. This means some people deny they’ve been mentally abused, and others may not even recognize the toxic behavior. So, whether you’re reading this to be able to recognize emotional abuse in others or recognize it in yourself, these a few things people who’ve been mentally abused do are sure to help you be more empathetic and kinder.

       
      • 0 replies
    • 5 Polarity Secrets to Attracting Love that Makes you Magnetic AF
      In this video, I'm going to show you the 5 most powerful ways to create polarity in order to attract love. Think of it like a magnet. If you have a magnet, it is going to attract, but also repel based on its polarity. If you have a positive and a positive and you put them together, guess what's gonna happen? They're going to repel each other. Same with a negative and negative. But when you have a positive and a negative, they clink right like this. The key to attracting love is embodying your own sense of polarity, which really is the authenticity of who you really are, letting go of what you are not so that you can attract love easier than ever. These are things that completely transformed my own life.

       
      • 0 replies
    • 10 Signs You Are Fake Happy
      Are you happy, or are you putting on a fake smile? Fake happiness can be hard to detect, but if you know the signs you can spot it.

       
      • 0 replies
    • Do You Gaslight Yourself?
      Do You Gaslight Yourself?
      • 0 replies
×
×
  • Create New...