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New job offer - Unsure


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I made a previous post about my fiancé, and how I was looking for a job, hashing out responsibilities for my son, etc.  I did take a job a couple months ago.  It’s part time, i work weekends and 2 weekdays.  My mom and my fiancé watch my son on the weekends, I am able to take him with me on the weekdays as we have free on site care for employees’ children(I work at a museum).  I know exactly who watches him as employees rotate operating it.  
 

Pros to my current job:  it’s fun!!!  Obviously, the daycare, and the fact that I can check on him at any time(special needs) and I know precisely who he interacts with.  My boss is incredibly flexible and easy going.  It’s 5 minutes from my house and we walk it at times.  
 

Cons:  the money is crap.  Being that it’s a 501c3, it’s to be expected.  A chunk of what I earn goes towards household bills, and a small amount in savings.  The long term goal is to buy a home(we currently rent a house).  Honestly, not much is going in the savings.  Stuff is inflating.   There’s also a ton of cattiness in the workplace.  Every job has it but it’s rather excessive here.  
 

The job I am being offered pays SIGNIFICANTLY more.  It’s full time with very good benefits.  If anything is going to help dig us out of the pandemic hole, this would be it.  
 

It’s also overnight, and about 15 miles from my home.  While that’s not far, my fiancé isn’t comfortable with my making late night treks alone to that neighborhood, and working in it.  It’s not a “bad bad” neighborhood, but it’s definitely not as secure and safe as where we live.  
 

I feel fine about that aspect.  We grew up a bit differently and I think that’s where we don’t see things the same.  
 

Another thing - I would be leaving 2 hours after she gets home and coming home 2 hours before she leaves for her job.  She would need to do the aforementioned “med duty” if any of you remember my previous thread.  
 

I also would have to keep a weird sleep schedule for some time.  My eventual plan would be to have my friend’s daughter come by during the day, pay her some cash to watch my son(keep him busy) so I can actually sleep.  It will take me about a month to be able to do that.  Maybe a bit more.  So essentially, I’d have to sneak in naps during the day for a bit.  
 

And then there’s the fact that I’d be spending less time with both my child and fiancé with our opposing schedules.  
 

It wouldn’t be a forever job, as my savings goes various places(emergency expenses, house, and I’d save more for childcare).  I’d eventually move to a full time day position(perhaps within the company)but not for a good year.  That’s the hope, anyhow.  
 

Thoughts?  This is ultimately what I was hoping to land, as it’s the best case scenario for our family right now.  Not ideal but in our financial situation it feels like it makes the most sense.  
 


 


 

 

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I understand your conundrum. As you know I worked many years part time to support R emotionally and other ways. It made life financially difficult, but was necessary. 
 

If you take this job which I would be tempted to do I would make it temporary until you find something more suitable schedule wise . 

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Hey, OP.

Well, it all sounds fantastic to me -- except the night shifts. Very many people do not thrive on that schedule. I know several people, mostly nurses, who have started out working night shifts and they find it very difficult. Also, there will be extra strain because you have a son who is going to want or need your attention. 

Are you able to search for other, daytime opportunities, or is this the only job that you have been able to find for a long time? Do you need this new job financially, or would you be able to forgo this opportunity and deal with the lack of additional income for a few more months until you find another full-time gig?

Hope this helps.

Edited by Pleasedonot5
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Have you done night shifts before? I'm asking because that's pretty key here. Some people just cannot do them and I get it, I used to work straight nights for years. Would your son be home with you when you're sleeping? 

I have some other thoughts to share too but I am interested in how you answer my question. 

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A year of sacrifices by all involved isn't really long in the span of a lifetime. Especially when it's a good stepping stone to eventually get a better schedule within the same company. Life is expensive, and the extra funds will come in handy with emergencies such as medical expenses, cars breaking down, etc.

I had to make a big sacrifice when my kids were 6 and 10. Was married with my husband in the military, but he wanted to get out. I made use of my college degree and applied for a job elsewhere that I needed to also attend training for in yet another state. I had to leave them all for 6 months and visit on long weekends about once every six weeks. It upset me so much being away from my kids that I would get severe tension headaches and stomaches. Ultimately, though, it secured a great career for me, and my salary increased year upon year. When I look back at what I made before that career move, it was almost poverty level. 

Of course, your partner has to be in agreement about the medicine, and you can also reassure her with your safety by buying pepper spray and other products that will help maintain your safety. Perhaps look into more alternatives for some child care scenarios, doing more research into that, even if it's part time. Good luck.

 

Edited by Andrina
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16 minutes ago, Pleasedonot5 said:

Hey, OP.

Well, it all sounds fantastic to me -- except the night shifts. Very many people do not thrive on that schedule. I know several people, mostly nurses, who have started out working night shifts and they find it very difficult. Also, there will be extra strain because you have a son who is going to want or need your attention. 

Are you able to search for other, daytime opportunities, or is this the only job that you have been able to find for a long time? Do you need this new job financially, or would you be able to forgo this opportunity and deal with the lack of additional income for a few more months until you find another full-time gig?

Hope this helps.

Do I need it?  Well…of course the money, yes.  The overnight part is what makes sense for us because of how time consuming it is to find a caregiver suited for my son(and of course, having to pay for it). With my friends daughter watching him while I sleep, the two of them have a good rapport but she will be moving in December.  So she’s not a long term option for childcare.  
 

 

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How does your fiancee feel about being put back in charge of your child?

You wrote previously she had become "snarky" with him among other things.  Is she willing to start back up again with caring for him?

And I agree with the others, is this the only job possibility?  Or do you potentially have other things in the works?

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15 minutes ago, Fudgie said:

Have you done night shifts before? I'm asking because that's pretty key here. Some people just cannot do them and I get it, I used to work straight nights for years. Would your son be home with you when you're sleeping? 

I have some other thoughts to share too but I am interested in how you answer my question. 

Yes, indeed I have BUT it was before I had M.  I have no idea how my body will respond to it these days with the responsibility of having a kid.  I got used to it quickly before - I did rely on melatonin and stuff, but generally I did fine with it. 
 

Yes, he’d be home with me.  So until I could stash away some money for my friends daughter to watch him(about a month), it’d be cat naps.  When I have her(and only through December until she moves), he’d still be here or they may be on an outing together but the goal is for me to get to sleep more than an hour at once.  

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1 minute ago, boltnrun said:

How does your fiancee feel about being put back in charge of your child?

You wrote previously she had become "snarky" with him among other things.  Is she willing to start back up again with caring for him?

And I agree with the others, is this the only job possibility?  Or do you potentially have other things in the works?

It’s actually a non issue, she has no problems with it as that’s the first thing we discussed.   We’ve worked out a lot of things.  And also, even my part time job has helped contribute more financially to the household so we’re all less stressed and pressed (and less pissy/snarky).  

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What stands out to me is the nightmare of trying to stay awake working all night on 'cat naps'.

It makes no sense.

If you had a plan with reliable child care in place, then this would make sense.

As of now, no way.

You can't earn your way to a good night's sleep. Your body needs it when you need it, and this plan sounds like a potential disaster.

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I worked overnight.  You can get used to it but no way is it healthy to work all night and then try to survive on just a few naps during the day.  I promise it will start to wear on you.  Being perpetually exhausted is a recipe for a return to being pissy and snarky.  Combine that with less time with your fiancee and your child?  

Yes, sometimes we have to make sacrifices and go through struggles to meet a goal.  But if there's any way at all to do a daytime job I would recommend going that route, particularly since you have a child.

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That’s the frustrating aspect…I can’t do a full time day time job until there’s money for that kind of childcare - and there isn’t, and won’t be on my current part time job.  
 

 I, maybe, could conceivably pay a lesser amount to my friend’s daughter to watch my son while I sleep, until a couple checks have come from the new job and I can backpay her what she should be paid.  I’d have to see if she would be willing.  
 

I wish I could make more where I’m at.  It works so well, family-wise.  That’s the second best part about it.  
 


 

 

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I second the concern re: your necessary sleep.  It will catch up with you & fast 😕 .

Sleep , we all need.  So you would be risking that, trying to adjust to nights & having your child at home. (with plans to have an 'occasional nap'?).

I am thinking more along the lines of having your child somewhere else to be cared for, while you are sleeping (at least have them cared for all day, so you can have a good 6-8 hrs sleep- in order to function properly at your job).

My ex did on/off night schedule & it was a bit difficult to keeps kids quiet, but was needed.

Sounds like you are really leaning on this opportunity.. so I suppose you will be at least be trying it out.

Can your mom not help out in this as well?

 

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11 hours ago, Cheetarah said:

That’s the frustrating aspect…I can’t do a full time day time job until there’s money for that kind of childcare - and there isn’t, and won’t be on my current part time job.  
 

 I, maybe, could conceivably pay a lesser amount to my friend’s daughter to watch my son while I sleep, until a couple checks have come from the new job and I can backpay her what she should be paid.  I’d have to see if she would be willing.  
 

I wish I could make more where I’m at.  It works so well, family-wise.  That’s the second best part about it.  
 


 

 

Maybe you can keep your current job with child care and find a second part time night gig?

College kids do it.

 

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3 hours ago, catfeeder said:

Maybe you can keep your current job with child care and find a second part time night gig?

 

This was my thought too. Either a second part time or a casual where you can pick up shifts when/if you like. Anything from the second job could be stashed into savings. 

I think the job you are considering is high risk and a bit dangerous in your situation. I mean not only physically, but financially too. Realistically, you could end up sick or with no job pretty easily if you are going to be so sleep deprived. 

It may not be as fast a way to get ahead, but a supplemental job while keeping your current would give you a lot of steady control over your life. No frantic juggling, and if you have a chunk of time where you are available you can just pick up more shifts. 

P. S. Fill in and casual often lead to meeting new contacts and other opportunities too. 

 

 

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18 hours ago, Cheetarah said:

Yes, indeed I have BUT it was before I had M.  I have no idea how my body will respond to it these days with the responsibility of having a kid.  I got used to it quickly before - I did rely on melatonin and stuff, but generally I did fine with it. 
 

Yes, he’d be home with me.  So until I could stash away some money for my friends daughter to watch him(about a month), it’d be cat naps.  When I have her(and only through December until she moves), he’d still be here or they may be on an outing together but the goal is for me to get to sleep more than an hour at once.  

Sounds like you did okay with nights before your son but the fact that he would be home with you while you're trying to sleep. IMHO, it's not a good idea. Cat naps are not enough, and if he's having some behavioral problems/ADHD symptoms, even if he's having a "good day", he could still keep you up for hours on end. Then what?

I get that the full time job pays a lot more but if you are using $$$ to get someone to watch him during the day so you can sleep, well, that adds up and given the extra stress/toll on you (from not seeing your boy or your partner as much), it may not be worth the extra money, especially once you factor in the babysitting costs.

If your son was in school, even for part or the day, I'd say yeah, go for it. But right now, it doesn't seem like a good day. I really worry you'll get super sleep deprived. I've known coworkers who have had to this setup (kids at home during day, cat naps only) and it does not end well and it usually doesn't last long. I think it would be torture for even a few months, let alone a YEAR.

It sounds like you love your current job. Yes, it's PT and doesn't pay much but you like it and they have childcare for M, which is great. Given the worker shortage (well, kind of worker shortage, more like "shortage of workers who are willing to accept slave wages for total fidelity to an employer"), you may be able to find a part time gig elsewhere. Or even not part time, look into maybe "per diem" places, where you're not guaranteed hours but you can pick up some shifts and schedule things ahead of time. If I didn't have to work full time (need my benefits right now), I'd probably go the "per diem" route. It leaves you flexible, you usually get paid a bit more (since the place doesn't have to pay into benefits for you) and you can continue to look for another job in the meantime. 

Just my $0.02. I hope it all works out. 

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I like how Fudgie evaluated it.  For me too many moving parts and too much dependence on others who are not your child’s other parent - and one who is paid but the reliability factor would be crucial with your new job situation. That plus wacky sleep schedule - not worth it. 
I’m sorry about the cattiness but wow that child care piece is such a gem - a unicorn to have on-site child care provided by colleagues.  
So I vote nope. 

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23 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I like how Fudgie evaluated it.  For me too many moving parts and too much dependence on others who are not your child’s other parent - and one who is paid but the reliability factor would be crucial with your new job situation. That plus wacky sleep schedule - not worth it. 
I’m sorry about the cattiness but wow that child care piece is such a gem - a unicorn to have on-site child care provided by colleagues.  
So I vote nope. 

Yep, forgot to mention in my other reply: what happens when you can't get childcare (we know how flaky people can be) during the day for M and you're just too plum exhausted? You'll probably end up having to call off work, then you won't make any $$ that day or even end up losing the job.

I wonder if you factored in the pay you get at the PT job plus what you would have paid for childcare if you worked PT at another place that didn't provide it...maybe that job would come out on top overall, I don't know. 

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Okay - this is where you have to be honest with yourself.

When you are home and your son does not have access to you - how does he react? Does he occupy himself or does he melt down when you are in the shower?

friends and relatives worked from home and it looked fantastic on paper, but even if the kids had a "mothers helper" over, they could not stand not having the parents' attention. my four year old niece had a melt down over mom being in a closed room for a meeting for an hour even though grandma and grandpa were over at the house playing with her (she normally would ignore mom in those instances and be all about the grandparents. 

It may sound like a good idea to have someone watch him while you sleep -- but would that actually work

 

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Thanks all.  Would he stay with my friend’s daughter?  Yes, but in the beginning he probably would be trying to rip open the door to my bedroom and stuff.  When I am in the shower and such, no he doesn’t melt down.  He is at the point where he keeps himself busy.  
 

I found out something awesome today at work - our museum got a very large grant.  We will be seeing a (small) raise in 45 days, and apparently something I didn’t know is I can utilize the childcare even when I am not there.  It’s part of the museum 90 day perk package for employees (im about to get my review in 2 weeks).  You get a reciprocal membership, standard 90 day raise(this is separate from the raise coming from the grant) and access to childcare during museum hours as long as you are scheduled for at least 15 hours of the week that week(I always am).  So this is really cool.  The raise is not as big of a deal to me as the childcare.  We can also watch remotely from our phones.  
 

So…I think picking up some flex gig or another PTJ is the way to go.  Thanks again everyone.  

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8 minutes ago, Cheetarah said:

I guess the universe wants me to stay at the museum!  It’s almost bizarre how this is working out.  

I’ve always loved working for 501c3s. Their perks are typically so unique because they can’t pay much. This childcare piece is one of the coolest I’ve come across.  The raise isn’t going to do much at all, but this piece will help a lot.  

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Wishing you good luck on finding a part time job.  Things are aligning well so maybe there is something out there within walking distance of the museum so you get a few hours in and pick up the boy on the way home.

   I am happy it is working out for you.

Lost

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