Advice on dating

[esrock21]

Hi, I would like to know some steps on meeting someone in person. I joined a dating website. I am talking to a person. we move on to talking on the phone and texting. how long should I get to know this person before  we meet in person? this person says they but know me well? this person says that we need to be friends first. to me this person does not want a relationship. I used to have at some point to go about meeting in person. we have been talking for about a month or so. any help will be good advice.

E

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, esrock21 said:

 I used to have at some point to go about meeting in person. we have been talking for about a month or so.

Hopefully you are both taking to and meeting others. Make one more attempt to set up a brief daytime coffee meet in a mutually convenient location.

People who won't meet in a timely fashion are timewasters at best. Could be a catfish, scammer, married, not who they say they are, etc.

 A month is too long and "online friends first" seems like stalling.

 

[Kwothe28]

I dunno, if he/she is comfortable about giving you phone number, and talking with you about a month, at that point, you should have feel comfortable enough for a date.

What Ive discovered lately is that you shouldnt waste time. If they want to meet, great. If not, accept and move on. Friendship is a nice thing. Sometimes even more great then relationship because unlike some relationships it lasts for life. But there is no reason to waste your time on somebody who you are interested with. When they are just looking to pass their time for whatever reason. You are looking for relationship. So seek people who are looking for that too.

[Batya33]

I met over 100 men in person. I was very good at screening.  I used those sites on and off for about 5 years until 2005. I did personal ads in the 80s and 90s

We emailed once or twice then a phone call that I used to screen out. About twenty minutes or so then we made a plan to meet if we wanted to meet. Public place for about an hour.  I would suggest a first meeting if he didn’t. I let him ask me out on a date once we met.  If he wanted a chat buddy or wasn’t into meeting within a week or so I moved on unless he was out of town for work etc.  typically the man asked me to meet. Sometimes we spoke one more time before meeting.  

There was twice we talked for weeks. One was long distance and we didn’t end up meeting  until about 4 years later when he was in my new city to meet a woman from the dating site ! I was married and brought my infant.  He brought her along lol.

 One I dated for three months.  Talking longer was a negative since I got attached and I probably ignored  dealbreakers longer because of it.

I never dated online.  I only used online sites to find a husband. I didn’t have time for chat buddies but I was very good at screening by phone. I discovered liars and people who I wouldn’t be able to talk to in person. Emails were not the right way to find this stuff out. 
good luck !

[catfeeder]

Good chemistry and physical attraction being as rare as they are, I'd consider anyone who's not willing to meet me for a stinking' cup of coffee to check one another out is hiding something, and not worth my time.

[smackie9]

It's a dating site, and your expectations are to meet and find someone to date right? Unfortunately there are those who are either waiting for a unicorn, or they just want someone to boost their ego and have no intention of dating... this person you are talking to is what we call a penpal. Let's be friends first is your cue to kick them to the curb. Anyone who is serious enough/interested will agree to meet you within the first few messages and maybe a phone call.

[mical]

Never agree to be just 'friends' if you want something more. You will come across as a man that is not true to his feelings and you will be just 'friend-zoned' as they call it...

If I were you, here is what I would do

1. Stop texting and talking on the phone so much, especially if this person wants to try being friends and that is not what you want. This is wasting your time.

2. Call or text her only ONCE this week and ask when she is free to get together and set a definite date (however, I can already tell how this will turn out because it seems pretty obvious..so move to 3rd step)

3. If she declines and does not offer a reschedule don't contact this person again and when she does reach out to you ask one final time for a date and if she refuses (which I think this person will do because she is wasting your time and it's pretty obvious from what I can tell so far)

4. Don't have anymore long texts or calls. Just keep the conversation short and tell her to get in touch when she figures out her schedule. ONLY keep talking from now on IF she brings up wanting to meetup.

****They key is that you want someone who is super enthusiastic to spend time with you.

Also, as mentioned above, great point, this person could be a catfish, someone trying to get information from you with bad intentions.

 

[Rose Mosse]

It's better to meet someone within a few days of matching on a website. You're already at a disadvantage having never met this person before if you're using online dating. Meeting someone in person in a hobby or interest group, you've already seen that person quite a few times most likely. 

A month is too long so simply block and delete those contacts that refuse to meet early on.