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My boyfriend is distant, cold and ignoring me after he said he had family issues. What will I do, should i keep asking about it or wait until he is the one to reach me out?


PrincessDD

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I am in a 5 year relationship (I’m a Filipina and he is an Indian we are both working here in UAE), we both agreed for him to on vacation last April 2021 to have some medical procedure so he went. Unfortunately due to the travel ban he is stuck in his home country. The first month of his stay until his procedure is done we are doing so well and even communicated as we always do every day, but that day came (May 16) he seems so off so I asked him about it, he said he is having family issues and he will discuss it with me when he comes back here in UAE. After that day his messages became less (which I truly understand, since whenever he have some family issues he will definitely be mood off) but still we are communicating and with endearments. Though as days pass by the less messages became so rare, plain and feels sour, no endearment and came to a point that some days he is not replying to me. Since he have the family problems and he can’t come back to work due to the travel ban, I know he have so much in his plate so I had given him space and ask how he is doing once in a while just to check out on him. It was around 2nd week of June, I messaged him "how's it going" and he said "everything is not good, that is why he wants to discuss it when we meet and not to spoil the current mood", I let him know that its making me crazy and he even told me he feels the same and that only solution is to take a break until he comes back and to shift my mind... after this I did not message him for days, same thing he also did not message me. Only yesterday (after 2 weeks of no contact) when I asked him how he is doing and until I asked him again why he is still distant and cold, yet I received the same answer that "I don't want to discuss it through phone that's why I thought it's better to say when I see you" and again “It's better to speak face to face, I don't want to debate through phone that's why” It is the first time we are separated for this long months from April till now…

I’m feeling horrible not to get answers, I just had a sleepless night and I cry myself to sleep, I’m curious what he wants us to discuss about, scared what is too and I’m sad that I have no one here to talk to about what I feel, I’m tired watching YouTube channels and asking google “what to do if my boyfriend is ignoring me” I hope you can share with me your opinions about this as per your experience and/or understanding of our situation. I am just being way too paranoid? And I should patiently wait for him until he comes back rather than drilling him to open up with me now? Shall I stop messaging him until he will be the once to reach out on me?

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I'm sorry you're going through this.

What he's doing is not fair to you. What is it that he can't communicate over the phone? Why keep you hanging and become so distant? Do you think his parents set him up for arranged marriage?

I'd say you did well and you gave him his space. But this 0 communication thing is a major red flag, and that's on him.

I would personally dump him, cause such behaviour would repeat itself and it's not respectful. You deserve better.

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6 minutes ago, PrincessDD said:

I’m a Filipina and he is an Indian we are both working here in UAE. .he said he is having family issues  why” It is the first , I’m tired watching YouTube channels.

Sorry this is happening. Unfortunately it seems like he's not coming back.

You may have to accept that the relationship was a sham and for sowing wild oats before an arranged marriage.

It seems like he was scheduled for an arranged marriage and this "family emergency" is what this is.

He is avoiding telling you the truth. Have you researched his social media?

Ask him point blank if he got married to someone from his own culture, country, religion.

Random videos may not give you the answers you need to know about your specific situation.

Google "arranged marriage in India".

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7 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening. Unfortunately it seems like he's not coming back.

You may have to accept that the relationship was a sham and for sowing wild oats before an arranged marriage.

It seems like he was scheduled for an arranged marriage and this "family emergency" is what this is.

He is avoiding telling you the truth. Have you researched his social media?

Ask him point blank if he got married to someone from his own culture, country, religion.

Random videos may not give you the answers you need to know about your specific situation.

Google "arranged marriage in India".

When he went home, it is because he had to do a heart procedure and i convinced him to do it now cause he had been postponing it for too long. When he reached, during and after the procedure we are communicating so well, he is updating me everything.. then all of a sudden there was this family issue that he is having then days pass by our communication became less and less so when i asked him whats going on he said things are not good and that he will discuss it with me when he comes back and not to ruin the current mood. What will i do, shall i wait? 😞

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12 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

I'm sorry you're going through this.

What he's doing is not fair to you. What is it that he can't communicate over the phone? Why keep you hanging and become so distant? Do you think his parents set him up for arranged marriage?

I'd say you did well and you gave him his space. But this 0 communication thing is a major red flag, and that's on him.

I would personally dump him, cause such behaviour would repeat itself and it's not respectful. You deserve better.

Thank u for that. 

I really don't know why he keeps me hanging, and whenever i ask what is it or is it something I have to worry about its his answer that he will discuss it with me when he returns back and that better face to face cause he doesn't want to debate through phone 😞 

Shall i keep on messaging him or i will just wait for him to reach out on me? this waiting thing for him to come back makes it worst as the travel ban keeps extending,. i was expecting for his return on june 14 but again it got extended

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@PrincessDD 

I would stop. He seems not to care enough to even text you. Think about it this way.

I would say-again- it's possible he's scheduled for an arranged marriage. He goes there, does the surgery, and then the next day his parents bring him a woman and tell him to get married. And, depending on the man(child), he might have not refused. But, I'm not a mind-reader.

Think of yourself, realize your worthand value, and let go. Have a clean breakup. And, even if he does come back and has excuses: no excuse is enough to stop communicating with your loved one out of the blue and WITHOUT being clear about the reasons. He could have told you, but he chose not to.

Lastly, I know it's hard because you mentioned you were together for 5 years. Please talk to your friends/family, and surround yourself with loved ones. Focus on you and gather some support. This too shall pass ❤️

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1 hour ago, PrincessDD said:

then all of a sudden there was this family issue that he is having then days pass by our communication became less and less so when i asked him whats going on he said things are not good.

 A "family emergency" is not a reason to blow you off. 

Do you know what the nature of this family emergency is? 

There is zero reason to have to wait to tell you in person. He's stalling because he doesn't want you to know the truth. 

 You need to accept that he used your situation to have sex then married the culturally appropriate virgin back home, but of course, that's what all the secrets and 'family emergencies' are about.

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I'm sorry you're experiencing this, OP. In short? I would not wait for him, no. 

He isn't communicating and it's unfair to you. My impression is that he is essentially ending the relationship and doesn't have the courage to come and tell you it's over. 

Given where he is from, is it reasonable to believe he is expected to enter an arranged marriage? 

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2 hours ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

@PrincessDD 

I would stop. He seems not to care enough to even text you. Think about it this way.

I would say-again- it's possible he's scheduled for an arranged marriage. He goes there, does the surgery, and then the next day his parents bring him a woman and tell him to get married. And, depending on the man(child), he might have not refused. But, I'm not a mind-reader.

Think of yourself, realize your worthand value, and let go. Have a clean breakup. And, even if he does come back and has excuses: no excuse is enough to stop communicating with your loved one out of the blue and WITHOUT being clear about the reasons. He could have told you, but he chose not to.

Lastly, I know it's hard because you mentioned you were together for 5 years. Please talk to your friends/family, and surround yourself with loved ones. Focus on you and gather some support. This too shall pass ❤️

I'm sorry OP... I think dark chocolate gave you great advice. It is very hard but I would remain silent and move on with friends and family. 

What he is doing is hurtful, wrong, not love and a major sign as to the type of person you are dealing with. 

His behavior is very selfish and controlling. He is too weak to be upfront. And he knows this is making you crazy, but he doesn't care. He doesn't have the guts to do right by you.  He doesn't deserve you. 

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Communication IS necessary in every relationship and at this time he is not doing so.

Only leaving you in limbo.  This is not right! 😕 

Yes, I say to just leave him be now.  Let him deal with what he must.

Try to carry on with your own life... as you don't know what is going on.  Is really selfish on him.

 

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My first thought is an arranged marriage so distance yourself. Don't google anymore about boyfriends ignoring. You'll drive yourself up the wall. Avoid google altogether and breathe.

What you need to know is that he's not who he used to be and keeping things from you is not going to work. 

Dial it back, start spending time with your family and friends, consider this over as you should be re-evaluating his behaviours and the way he conducts himself in a relationship. Put your peace of mind and wellbeing first. You're too focused on losing him. Flip that over and think about the opportunities you do have if you do lose someone who isn't treating you right. There are major plusses to that. 

Keep us updated. 

 

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I agree with he others. His family likely notified him of his marriage arrangement. He will probably be marrying soon.

I'm sorry for your pain. But this is likely over. I would end communication and block his contact info.

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Also, if he does come back make sure you're already taking care of yourself, living your life to the fullest and maybe even dating. Try to become happy and whole without him. Then from that perspective you'll be able to see how by that point, you won't really want him back, because he brought so much sadness.

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