Slipping into little space in and out during relationship

[Rose Mosse]

15 minutes ago, Guest Anonymous said:

For me, being a little releases stress. It's like the way of handling things. It's like someone putting a disney movie for me and I'm just instantly happy. 

You'll have to find someone who understands this roleplay or what it does for you emotionally and psychologically. Some people will be turned off by it. The only thing you can do is be honest and yourself so see what he thinks or says and go from there. Don't stay with someone, please, if it's not the right fit. You'll have to tap into your "adult" and do the grown up thing ending the relationship if that's not what you're looking for. 

Aside from this what he thinks or feels about all this would be speculation. Hopefully things work out and he gets it. 

[boltnrun]

From what I understand, being a "little" isn't something that people do to avoid dealing with their problems and with usual life stresses.  It's a role play kind of thing, like when a long-term couple meets up at a bar and they pretend she is trying to pick him up for a one night stand.  Something to add "spice".

But if you revert to child like behaviors because you don't want to deal with life...well that's a whole different thing.  It's a crutch and one that may not be as acceptable to your boyfriend (or anyone, such as a boss, for that matter).

[Batya33]

22 minutes ago, Guest Anonymous said:

For me, being a little releases stress. It's like the way of handling things. It's like someone putting a disney movie for me and I'm just instantly happy. 

Sounds like one of many typical responses to stress- like people who act childish when they are sick with a bad cold (um, like a "man cold'). That's probably why your bf says nothing because you're the one labeling it as some sort of unusual category.  

[LaHermes]

3 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

if you revert to child like behaviors because you don't want to deal with life...well that's a whole different thing.

Quite so, Bolt.

 

[Tinydance]

42 minutes ago, LaHermes said:

           You can be certain he'll find it weird.  I already find it weird!  

Well actually my friends in the kink community don't think it's weird. I actually also don't think it's weird. It's considered to be a kink or fetish or lifestyle choice/preference or just something to experiment with. The same as any kink or fetish that exists. People that participate are adults so it's not like they actually want to date or have sex with children and don't watch child porn or anything like that. This polyamorous guy I was briefly seeing last year who has a Daddy/little girl dynamic with another partner is actually a father of two teenage girls and he's a wonderful Dad. 

There are actually online stores where you can buy "little" merchandise, like just cute child like sorts of clothes, adult dummies and child looking onesies. I know it might sound unusual to some but if you could just think of it as any kink or alternative sexual or lifestyle state of mind. E.g. Some people are in a sub/dom relationship and that may be either only in the bedroom or it can be a way to live everyday together in that relationship. There are all kinds of fetishes out there and as long as it's consenting legal adults participating that is their choice.

OP I would like to just ask though, do you know if it's being a little in the strict sense or more so regression? Just going back to my undergraduate psychology degree lol Regression is actually a psychological defence mechanism to deal with bad mental health, difficult situations, trauma or abuse. Or maybe to deal with past trauma or abuse. It's a psychological way to deal with bad things. It's actually very different to being a little.

Again, I obviously don't know if you're a little and if you are that's totally cool.

[Tinydance]

14 minutes ago, LaHermes said:

The OP is a sock puppet, T. 

 

That aside, I'll take your word for it Tiny. L. 

"While some ABs enjoy sexualized scenes when they are in “baby space”, the majority of them do not engage in any sexualized kinks athe all while in this headspace.  Adult Babies are not interested in nor do they condone any acts of pedophilia.  The appeal of the Caregiver relationship paradigm for many people is the express consent which is required in order to participate in such a bonded dynamic.  ABs may seek to reclaim their personal power after a history of sexual abuse during edge play scenarios with their Caregiver, if the trauma occurred very early on in life and the mindset is similarly applied,  but this type of exploration is at the sole discretion of each dynamic and should only be attempted in a safe and loving environment after completing thorough research and discussions."

A little may also not necessarily be a baby. They can be a child or teenage in their little persona. 

[LaHermes]

Utterly fascinating, Tiny.  Only time I've seen this or something similar is in a documentary where a number of dominatrixes were being interviewed.  Men getting into nappies (diapers in USA) were mentioned, although they then got a good hiding from the dom!

  

[Rose Mosse]

22 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

OP I would like to just ask though, do you know if it's being a little in the strict sense or more so regression? Just going back to my undergraduate psychology degree lol Regression is actually a psychological defence mechanism to deal with bad mental health, difficult situations, trauma or abuse. Or maybe to deal with past trauma or abuse. It's a psychological way to deal with bad things. It's actually very different to being a little.

Good questions.

I do not think it's weird either. People have different likes/lifestyles. No reason to ridicule or put someone else's lifestyle down or make someone feel self-conscious.

[LotusBlack]

OP, on the one hand you say that you can’t control this transition into a childlike state, that it just happens. The implication here is that you are not conscious of this occurring until you’re an adult again. Then, on the other hand, you say that you like to behave that way as a way to relieve the anxiety and stress (avoid processing and dealing with emotionally challenging issues) such as putting a child’s movie on, etc.

It is unclear if what occurs is against your will/not deliberate, in which case you need to seek out professional help, as it is not safe for anyone to not be aware of or in control of their own thoughts, feelings, and actions; child minds in adult bodies can cause a lot of potential problems and be dangerous. If it is deliberate (and not done as a form of sexual role playing) so you don’t have to acknowledge emotionally challenging problems happening in your life, then I think you definitely still need professional help, as this is not sustainable nor healthy for your life. You cannot go through life pretending things aren’t happening. And, outside of a kink, nobody, let alone your boyfriend, should have to accept your behaviour, as that would just be them enabling you to continue ignoring very significant emotional needs and issues. Why would you want to live your life in so much anxiety that you just want to regress to a childhood state to avoid them?

Either way, I don’t think you should be in a relationship until you have addressed your emotional and psychological issues. Imagine one day in the future you have a child and you “slip into a little space” without realising - you then have a child taking care of a child, which equals disaster.

A/N: The above reads a little harsh, but there is no judgement for what you are going through. I only imagine you must have experienced a lot of trauma for you to slip in to such a state. I’m sorry you’re experiencing such anxiety. I used to have an obsessive compulsive anxiety disorder that took 20 years and a lot of hard work and courage to overcome, but the colours have returned to my life and I can breathe easily again. It’s a wonderful place to be in. I only hope you can get there too!

[MissCanuck]

7 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

It's just that I act like a literal child, that's all.

Can you give us some examples?

What do you say or do? Play with toys? Throw a tantrum? 

That is a serious question, by the way. It's not clear what exactly changes in your behaviour when this happens. 

[Guest]

Answers:

@Tinydance Regression. I've dealt with mentally harmful things growing up as an asian. I was severely depressed when I was a kid and wanted to end it all at one point. I think I was 10 or 11 at that time.

@LotusBlack It's okay you aren't harsh at all. I've used it to deal with anxiety every once in a while and now it just keeps coming up out of my will. I'm currently learning how to control it and so far it's working.

@MissCanuck Actually it's not too big. I just talk in a toddler text like style. For example; "I wan fwood" or something like that. My boyfriend plays along with it sometimes.  

[Batya33]

14 minutes ago, Guest Anonymous said:

Answers:

@Tinydance Regression. I've dealt with mentally harmful things growing up as an asian. I was severely depressed when I was a kid and wanted to end it all at one point. I think I was 10 or 11 at that time.

@LotusBlack It's okay you aren't harsh at all. I've used it to deal with anxiety every once in a while and now it just keeps coming up out of my will. I'm currently learning how to control it and so far it's working.

@MissCanuck Actually it's not too big. I just talk in a toddler text like style. For example; "I wan fwood" or something like that. My boyfriend plays along with it sometimes.  

Many people do baby talk and some could find it annoying.  I would unless it's really rare.  For example I am really careful to differentiate my adult husband from our son and especially when he was a toddler I made sure not to address my husband in the same way as my toddler.  Anyway I don't think the little people part is the issue. It's your decision to review all these texts and it sounds like you might want counseling for anxiety. I'm sorry you struggled as a child!! I just finished reading Crying in H Mart which described a similar situation. I'm sorry!!

[LaHermes]

18 minutes ago, Guest Anonymous said:

Actually it's not too big. I just talk in a toddler text like style. For example; "I wan fwood" or something like that. My boyfriend plays along with it sometimes.  

Nothing to worry about OP.

[MissCanuck]

2 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

Actually it's not too big. I just talk in a toddler text like style. For example; "I wan fwood" or something like that. My boyfriend plays along with it sometimes.  

I don't think that's so bad, as long as it's occasional. 

Do you do this only in messaging, or also in person? 

[Guest]

@MissCanuck I only do it in messaging, I don't feel comfortable about doing it in person with someone else. Only alone.

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

I just talk in a toddler text like style. For example; "I wan fwood" or something like that. My boyfriend plays along with it sometimes.  

Ok, so there doesn't seem to be an issue with him accepting it, but rather your depression/suicidal tendencies and anxiety. If you are over 18 you can go to a doctor, without dealing with your family.

[LotusBlack]

16 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

@MissCanuck I only do it in messaging, I don't feel comfortable about doing it in person with someone else. Only alone.

The above statement suggests that you are very much in control of and are aware of this behaviour. It is deliberate. I don’t see how, in this context, you “slip” in and out of it unintentionally. 

The issue here is not about being accepted by your boyfriend or if it is okay to be a little, it is the fact that you are choosing to behave this way instead of addressing the issues that evoke in you the feeling of wanting to behave or speak childishly.

Your boyfriend doesn’t seem to have a problem with it (behaving childishly now and again), and it doesn’t seem to bother you but for the fact you’re self conscious of it, so on that front alone, I wouldn’t worry about it and just do you. But, I would say that the underlying reason[s] do need to be addressed and deserve to be addressed. If you are experiencing significant trauma from the past then you need to invest in healing those hurts with the help of an appropriately trained and experienced therapist.  

[Capricorn3]

23 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

 I was severely depressed when I was a kid and wanted to end it all at one point. I think I was 10 or 11 at that time.

I've used it to deal with anxiety every once in a while and now it just keeps coming up out of my will. I'm currently learning how to control it and so far it's working.

I agree with other posters who recommended therapy/counseling as clearly there are underlying issues which have never been dealt with.

You sound very young.  I would assume your parents know about your depression at age 10/11.  I am surprised they never (it seems) sought professional help.  Talk to an adult about these issues and look into professional help.

[Guest]

Actually I had professional help during that time and now I'm much happier  

But anxiety comes up every once a while so I use little space to deal with it.

[Wiseman2]

Is this what you are talking about?

"Sajiao behavior forms a big part in any romantic relationship of China. . One way to identify sajiao behavior is to notice your Chinese girlfriend making a sweet, innocent or even bratty face, yet cooing in a baby voice to convince you to do what she wants. 

Imagine you're shopping with your girlfriend when suddenly she turns to you, bats her eyelashes and babyishly begs: "Honey, my handbag is too heavy. Can you pweeze carry it for me?""
 

[Guest]

@Wiseman2 I guess, but I don't use it to get what I want. I guess as a chinese person, I kind of see where I got it from.

[Guest]

Not sure if he likes it or not though.

[Wiseman2]

On 6/28/2021 at 8:25 AM, Guest Anonymous said:

I just talk in a toddler text like style. For example; "I wan fwood" or something like that. My boyfriend plays along with it sometimes.  

It seems like he understands this Sajiao behavior.

[Guest]

I'll ask him about it tonight if he's okay with me acting like this. If not then I'll put a pause to it.

[Capricorn3]

3 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

Actually I had professional help during that time and now I'm much happier  

But anxiety comes up every once a while so I use little space to deal with it.

With all due respect, you don't sound much happier.  In fact, it seems you are struggling with a variety of issues.  You say your anxiety and overthinking are all over the place lately.  You say these "little" episodes keep coming up and ... " I want to control it but it can't be helped. It keeps coming up now and then."  If you can't control it, then I would say all of these things need to be addressed as it seems the more anxiety you have, the more you have these childish episodes etc.  At least see a doctor for a professional diagnosis and possible medication to help the anxiety.