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My wife wont give me sex at all


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alright so its been about 9months since my wife got pregnant and she didnt want to have sex during the pregnancy so i held up for 9 months, and i understood she would need some time after giving birth to heal before sex was even a possibility doctor said it would take 2 months for that to happen and i even waited for 5 months after the baby came, and my wife still wont give me some sex. 

we're always together 24/7 since we both work from home so i know she isnt seeing anyone at all and im not seeing anyone at all

thing is there's only so much a man can endure before he breaks

i need some advice.

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Yeah, I don't know too many who don't even want it while prego.

And now, still, 5 months after.. very unusual.

Does she 'talk' to you at all about it?  Do you two communicate okay?

Would be good if she can explain herself on why this has gone on for so long.

 

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2 hours ago, waffle said:

Your wording is interesting.  "Wife won't give me sex."  As if sex is something that she "gives up" and you "take."  

I agree completely and was going to comment the same thing. I would have worded it perhaps like this, “My wife and I haven’t had sex in 14 months. What can I do to change this?”

OP, I had a baby just 16 months ago and I can tell you that for many mothers sex is not a priority, especially if breastfeeding. Hormones are running rampant in her body, she will be tired, her body still healing - yes, still healing even now - and many women don’t feel super sexy after having a baby. Although I had a traumatic and difficult emergency c-section that took a long, long time to heal from, my husband and I did try to regain physical intimacy once it was safe to do so. You need to communicate with your wife about how she is feeling, what she wants (and doesn’t), and continuing to work as a team both parenting and as a couple. Your post only sounds self serving and doesn’t really acknowledge your wife and what you might be able to do to help her. Very telling, in my opinion. 

Edited by LotusBlack
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Congrats on the new baby. If you're on talking terms, communicate with each other and spend more time together.

Is she irritable or does she ignore you? What was the last situation like when you tried to approach her?

 

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I agree with Wiseman2, sounds like you need to up your game, and attitude. How much help do you give her? Does she have to tell you to do things? How much of the mental workload is is left up to her? Is she the one who has to organize appointments, pay Bill's etc? All these things can effect the way we feel about our partner. If you're doing all these things, then I'd look into the sex itself. Like others have said, it could also be due to medical reasons, do maybe she needs a check up to ensure she is mentally and physically healthy. 

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Without other knowledge about your relationship, it could be anything. Maybe she realized during the pregnancy she wanted out of the marriage, but now has to wait until she's able to better extricate herself with a new baby. Or maybe she has unnatural fears about her body with pregnancy and beyond.

Have you ever had discussions about the state of your marriage. If there is anything she wants improved? What is the division of chores? Is your household financially stable? What do you do fun together as a couple in your leisure time?

I'd ask what she needs from you. Establish or improve an emotional connection by giving her back rubs and/or foot rubs without the expectation of sex. Make sure she has some solo time to herself where you take care of the baby and handle particular chores. If it's penetration she fears, start with oral only until the day she says she's ready.

If you can't properly have mature discussions as a couple to resolve issues, seek out a professional therapist to help. 

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10 hours ago, LotusBlack said:

for many mothers sex is not a priority, especially if breastfeeding. Hormones are running rampant in her body, she will be tired, her body still healing - yes, still healing even now - and many women don’t feel super sexy after having a baby.

He said he also never got any the 9 mos before delivery... not just after.

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16 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

He said he also never got any the 9 mos before delivery... not just after.

Very concerning. 

OP. You said this in November 2020.

" i just got my GF pregnant,"

I take it you married her since then as you now mention your "wife". 

You also mentioned then that your wife had a difficult pregnancy with constant sickness.

Edited by LaHermes
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1 hour ago, LaHermes said:

I take it you married her since then as you now mention your "wife". 

You also mentioned then that your wife had a difficult pregnancy with constant sickness.

Ahh, so ongoing issue's from the start. ( similar to my mom's pregnancies) .. but, I think stuff still happened, in the 9 months.

Odd as well, even after 5 months, nothing 😕 .

There is such thing as post-partum depression... But, he hasn't said anything on any of this.. yet.

 

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4 hours ago, SooSad33 said:

He said he also never got any the 9 mos before delivery... not just after.

I’m aware of that - pregnancy hormones and pregnancy related issues exist during pregnancy and many of the postpartum hormones are the same as those experienced during pregnancy (especially in the first 6 months), just at different levels. 

The OP also doesn’t say anywhere in his post when mentioning his wife not giving him sex, if he actually tries to create any romance, especially without expecting anything now and again. Perhaps she isn’t interested in “wham bam thank you ma’am’, which is how it reads above.

I do agree, though, that physical intimacy is very important in a romantic relationship for many couples. Perhaps, OP, you might suggest other activities that don’t involve penetration at this stage and see if she is receptive to that and then work your way up to that stage over a period of time. It may create excitement and anticipation for when that time comes and in the meantime, you’ll have a good/pleasurable time doing what you’re doing and getting to know each other again. And, as other posters have said, make sure you are sharing the load. Don’t look at it as though you are “helping” her. You’re the father of her baby and her husband, so you are equally responsible for the care and upbringing of the baby and maintaining the household. You aren’t a friend or babysitter that is doing her a favour and helping her  out, so she should be grateful. Not saying you’re doing that, but if you are, it is the fastest way to her falling out of love with you and not being interested in physical intimacy.

Edited by LotusBlack
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Yes. The OP said in November 2020 that his wife suffered from constant sickness during her pregnancy. 

6 hours ago, Andrina said:

If you can't properly have mature discussions as a couple to resolve issues, seek out a professional therapist to help. 

I agree with Andrina. 

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Honestly, 5 months is too soon. I had natural delivery and it took 10 months after having a baby for sex to not be so painful. I was also battling postpartum depression.

I wouldn’t push it yet. Listen to your wife and her needs. Sex is a mutual thing.

Edited by Snny
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