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Too soon to move in together?


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Hello! 
 

My boyfriend (28yo) and I (27yo) met online in March last year, met in person in December 2020 and are officially together since the beginning of January this year, so about 6 months.
I’ve been planning to move out of the house I live in at the moment for ages (I share it with my brother) but COVID-19 and me (and my brother) being made redundant halfway through it and not being able to get a job for a few months (both of us) drained my savings and messed up my plans. I’m sort of back on track now (financially), so hoping to be able to move out in about 3 months.
My boyfriend has just been told that him and his flatmate have to move out from their current house in a couple of months time. We live about 2.5h drive from each other, which is a bit of a pain in general, as you can imagine but on top of that our work schedules are completely different (he’s Mon-Fri 9am-5pm and I work in hospitality so almost always work weekends). I have been thinking about moving closer to him as he stays in a lovely wee city, with plenty of fields, lakes and forests that my dog would love but now that he has to move out of his current place, I am thinking if I should suggest moving in together? We’d only be together for about 8-9 months at that time and I am not sure if me even mentioning it won’t sort of scare him. Is it too soon? 
 

thank you in advance. x

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For me personally, it would be too soon. I would consider moving in with someone after a year of dating, because prior to that, I am still really getting to know a person on a deep level. 

However, only he can decide what works (or not) for him. If he hasn't suggested it, my guess is that it's not on his radar right now. All you can do is have a conversation about it and see what he says. 

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Noo, no, don't!

You two have no idea.. yet, if you are truly 'compatible'.  You are still getting to know each other & have a ways yet.

Never rush this stuff.  YOu don't know his traits, if he's got an attidude, bad habbits, etc. So, just slow everything down with him.

I dated someone 5 yrs, never moved in together - but split.

Give it at least another year or two, before you go that route.

 

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Too soon. Find a female roommate or a small studio - something that you can afford while still having room to save a little or for a cushion.  Its invaluable to move out on your own (having a platonic same sex roommate qualifies because your money isn't pooled - you are responsible for your own stuff). How far away is your job ?  If you want to each move a little closure to eachother - each move 30 minutes closer to eachother and still keep your jobs.  

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absolutely do not bring it up. He did not mention that his living situation would change to entice you or suggest anything else other than its a statement of fact.  Do not move closer to him (unless its nominally closer like 20 minutes or 30 minutes but do not do it FOR him until you both mutually express further commitment.   I made the mistake moving closer to a guy because it was the "well, this can't go on forever" because of distance and should have just let him break up with me.  8 or 9 months when you are a distance away is like dating 4 months. Things have a slower pace. 

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I agree not to bring it up but if you're both on the same wavelength -that this is more for convenience and not because you think it will bring you closer emotionally - then sure.   I never lived with anyone and never saw it as some sort of pre-marital "step" -and in our situation I was right.  Move closer to where he is if you were going to anyway.

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EDIT:

I’ve not mentioned anything about possibly moving in together to him yet but he sent me a few job offers (I am looking for a new one as my current workplace can’t provide me with enough hours) for places that would require me to move to the city he lives in. Not sure what to think.

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2 hours ago, smackie9 said:

No don't. He should make the step to move closer to you if possible.

He sort of did. When we first became a couple he stayed with his parents (they live in the same city as myself) for four months (he’s been working from home since the beginning of the pandemic) and now that he went back to where he usually lives, he’s the one driving almost every week to see me, as I had some overdue bills (after losing my job a few months back) I had to take care of and had to be extra cautious with money. 
 

It’s a long story but there is a VERY slim chance he’d be able to move out of the city he lives in right now, for as long as he’s working at his current job (he’s working from home at the moment but they’re back to the office soon). 

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Take the job prospects but get your own place. See if you can do a 6 month lease or month to month. Then take those 6 months to really get to know him.

If it's meant to be, waiting another 6 months to live together won't damage the relationship.

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5 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Take the job prospects but get your own place. See if you can do a 6 month lease or month to month. Then take those 6 months to really get to know him.

If it's meant to be, waiting another 6 months to live together won't damage the relationship.

This^ 

Get your own place or make it a goal to be independent and then move.

Never limit your options.

Always be in a position to make your own way in life, to be able to remove yourself from a bad situation and to never have to depend on someone, you don't have a legal agreement with; especially, knowing them less than a full year of almost everyday interactions.

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Playing house is way different than actually living together. Money/financial reasons/convenience should NOT be the motivator to move in together. It should be with the prospect of hopefully marriage, planning a life together and it's a little too soon for that. But that's just my opinion.

Obviously you are itching to do it, but hesitant because what his reaction would be. I guess a suggestion in a conversation wouldn't hurt.

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5 hours ago, BrownHairedGirl77 said:

EDIT:

I’ve not mentioned anything about possibly moving in together to him yet but he sent me a few job offers (I am looking for a new one as my current workplace can’t provide me with enough hours) for places that would require me to move to the city he lives in. Not sure what to think.

What you should think is - if I am comfortable having sex with this person and thinking of sharing physical space with him why in the world wouldn't I feel comfortable asking him what his intentions are about your future together?

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3 hours ago, smackie9 said:

Playing house is way different than actually living together. Money/financial reasons/convenience should NOT be the motivator to move in together. It should be with the prospect of hopefully marriage, planning a life together and it's a little too soon for that. But that's just my opinion.

Obviously you are itching to do it, but hesitant because what his reaction would be. I guess a suggestion in a conversation wouldn't hurt.

I don't agree with this.  I think if both people are on the same wavelength it's totally fine to move in for financial convenience.  The problem is when one person sees it as a sign of something more serious -sharing physical space doesn't necessarily mean any more of a deep emotional commitment or future together.  I don't think living together is any sort of progression unless it's after there's a progression in the commitment independent of that -like a decision to spend your lives together, or getting engaged or married.  Then the living together is consistent with the initial commitment not a way to become more committed. 

My husband and I moved into my place -a 600 square foot apartment - shortly after marrying.  Shortly after that we became parents.  Had we lived together before marriage it would have given me almost no relevant information about what it's like to live with your spouse and a newborn and all of the newborn's stuff LOL and I'm glad we didn't because it would have been a much larger adjustment once our son was born.

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23 hours ago, BrownHairedGirl77 said:

EDIT:

I’ve not mentioned anything about possibly moving in together to him yet but he sent me a few job offers (I am looking for a new one as my current workplace can’t provide me with enough hours) for places that would require me to move to the city he lives in. Not sure what to think.

What are the job offers like? I've followed my career(never a relationship or for love) so I couldn't give you any advice about uprooting for this man alone. See whether the job offers are acceptable or a step up from what you're currently doing and if it is not, I'd consider moving a non-option. What does it matter if there are plenty of lakes and great places to be if you'll be overworked, stressed, fatigued and unhappy or underpaid even, preventing you from enjoying the things that you've made the move for in the first place.

This may be a great place to move to if you can move on your own terms and secure your own financial independence and stability. 

If you do move in with him or insist, make sure that you have enough savings to reverse the process completely and move back to your current location and a buffer while looking for work. Plan for something going wrong and the relationship falling apart, always have that in your back pocket and save. 

 

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