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Almost everytime my husband drinks too much he tells me how big of a *** I am but when he’s sober he apologizes and is a great guy. I know I’m a great person & I know I’m definitely not nor have I ever been a ***. I’m 40 and have dated a reasonable amount of guys, was previously married for 10 years & engaged for 3. I’m from a small town where everyone knows everyone. If I mention someone I was friends with, he asks if I slept with them! I don’t understand how belittling someone like that is LOVE. Any advice?

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It sounds like the problems in your marriage extend beyond his drinking habits. 

He is verbally abusive when he drinks, but he's also got no respect for you if he's questioning whether you've slept with anyone you mention. 

Why do you tolerate this behaviour? What are the real consequences for it?

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Anyone I have ever been with was before I even met him. What aggravates me the most is that I’ve been 100% faithful to him. He has absolutely no reason to think I wouldn’t be. I love him but his insecurities cause major issues. Being accused of doing something I’m not doing is definitely taking its toll. 

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9 hours ago, Lay10mak8 said:

Almost everytime my husband drinks too much he tells me how big of a *** I am but when he’s sober he apologizes and is a great guy.

1) Every time he drinks.

2) When sober, apologizes ( so he is well aware) . 

He is very disrespectful to you 😕 .

You been married long? ( You said you were married previously, 10 yrs).

 

8 hours ago, Lay10mak8 said:

What aggravates me the most is that I’ve been 100% faithful to him. He has absolutely no reason to think I wouldn’t be.

See, he is Unreasonable.

 

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9 hours ago, Lay10mak8 said:

Almost everytime my husband drinks too much he tells me how big of a *** I am but when he’s sober he apologizes and is a great guy. I know I’m a great person & I know I’m definitely not nor have I ever been a ***. I’m 40 and have dated a reasonable amount of guys, was previously married for 10 years & engaged for 3. I’m from a small town where everyone knows everyone. If I mention someone I was friends with, he asks if I slept with them! I don’t understand how belittling someone like that is LOVE. Any advice?

Jealous, controlling and verbally abusive? Is he like this when he's not drinking?

You'll have to figure out how much you can put up with before you choose to leave. Alternatively he stays sober and is committed to the marriage and not drinking or picking up a bottle again. There are insecurities here you may not be able to fix or have nothing to do with you. 

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11 hours ago, Lay10mak8 said:

If I mention someone I was friends with, he asks if I slept with them! 

Cheaters often accuse their partners of doing the same thing they're doing -- cheating or being promiscuous, with no reason or evidence whatsoever to back it up.  Do you know if he has cheated before?

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Usually when someone has a problem when they drink, they have underlying mental issues, such as depression/ or a personality disorder. You can't figure it out why he is this way because he has issues that make him think differently. He has triggers like jealousy, and only exasperates with alcohol consumption. The first step is that he needs to admit sincerely he has a problem and should do something about it....apologies don't cut it anymore. Then to be assessed by a professional, and to seek therapy. That's providing you and him both want to save this relationship.

 

Edited by smackie9
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My advice-  GET OUT!

Unfortunately, this who he is-- a mean drunk that won't change.  
The things you describe should be UNACCEPTABLE to you. Period.  No excuses. No he was drunk. No apologies.  ONLY CHANGED BEHAVIOR.

If he won't change or you can't talk to him about this, then where are you in this?  Where's the relationship?  You are just an object that supports his life and comfort.  

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