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PLEASE HELP!!!


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So this past week was my bf’s birthday. I’ve been super indecisive about what to get him and I know he’s been wanting some new tennis rackets so I told him to look them up on his phone...The next day I decided I would surprise him by buying the rackets from his online shopping cart. So I unlocked his phone (he gave me the code long ago) to access the cart and buy the ones he had picked out but as soon as the phone unlocked it was on a text thread of him and another women talking about possibly having sex. I don’t know what to do guys!! I wasn’t intentionally looking for anything, I honestly was just trying to surprise him and this is what happened!! I’m shocked, confused,and hurt. Need advice on how to navigate this!!

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5 minutes ago, hoshi said:

When you break up with him, take the time to do self care and realize your self worth.

“When you break up with him” lol! I love that. But yes! I was just trying to surprise him and I was the one who got surprised! I guess I don’t want him to think I was snooping, but even if I was, it still doesn’t justify his actions. We’ve been dating for almost a year now. And we’ve had issues in the past because he thinks I’m always on the phone or being sneaky. Sadly, a part of me is feeling like I shouldn’t say anything because he’ll just bring up the past and how he didn’t trust me.  But no matter what he thinks, he’s never heard or seen me taking about meeting up with someone and having sex. I don’t want to let him get away with this, I just want to be sure speaking up is the right thing.

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Do one of those surprise things like they do on social media, where you video him blind folded, while he pull signs about how you found out he was cheating. He will think it's a birthday surprise....yup a surprise alright. You busting him and kicking him to the curb.

Start off with "My GF doesn't know I was texting a woman for sex..."

Edited by smackie9
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14 minutes ago, hoshi said:

This seems absurd. He doesn't trust you, yet does this behind your back??? Does this man seems reasonable to you?

Exactly!! There’s nothing else he can say at this point because whatever he thought I was doing, he’s no better than me!!! I’m definitely gonna bring it up to him.

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1 hour ago, MonaLisa95 said:

“When you break up with him” lol! I love that. But yes! I was just trying to surprise him and I was the one who got surprised! I guess I don’t want him to think I was snooping, but even if I was, it still doesn’t justify his actions. We’ve been dating for almost a year now. And we’ve had issues in the past because he thinks I’m always on the phone or being sneaky. Sadly, a part of me is feeling like I shouldn’t say anything because he’ll just bring up the past and how he didn’t trust me.  But no matter what he thinks, he’s never heard or seen me taking about meeting up with someone and having sex. I don’t want to let him get away with this, I just want to be sure speaking up is the right thing.

Isn't it funny how cheaters project their behavior to you and accuse you of what they are doing to you?

I wouldn't bother with anything and just dump him cold. If he asked why, I'd just tell him "you know exactly why" and let him stew on that. Anyway, he knows but confronting cheaters is pointless. They'll deny it to the death and if that doesn't work, find excuses and shift blame onto you. Who needs that drama and stress?

Whatever you have at his place go and get it. Whatever you have of his at yours, pack it up and take it over to his. Then just dump him and walk away. Block, delete, no contact ever again.

Tell your friends why - cheaters suck and he got caught red handed. Always remember that it's not about you and what you did or didn't do for him - it is always about the pleasure of duping you, his partner. A power game for him. Well....he lost.

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1 hour ago, MonaLisa95 said:

I guess I don’t want him to think I was snooping, but even if I was, it still doesn’t justify his actions. We’ve been dating for almost a year now. And we’ve had issues in the past because he thinks I’m always on the phone or being sneaky. Sadly, a part of me is feeling like I shouldn’t say anything because he’ll just bring up the past and how he didn’t trust me.

You have had issue's in the past.

Cheaters do that (try to turn it around onto you- defense - also react angrily).

So, now trust from BOTH sides now....

If he's bene doing this, then yes, remove yourself from this relationship- has only been less than a year.

You admit you saw what was said.. no arguments.. Let him go have her.

Why contiinue anything with a cheater?

 

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Sorry, OP. That is awful. You were trying to do something very thoughtful for him, and turns out you discover his forthcoming cheating attempt. Yikes.

I agree with hoshi: "When you break up with him..." indeed. And I agree with Dancingfool, just do it coolly and without explanation. He knows what he was doing. Don't give him the opportunity to blame you for "snooping" - clearly, even if you were trying to snoop (you weren't), you would have had cause to do so.

That he was distrustful of you throughout your relationship indicates he may have cheated before: cheaters are notorious for projecting their own habits onto their partners.

I am sincerely sorry that this happened. The silver lining is that you found out now and not years down the road. I hope the break-up goes relatively smoothly for you, you move forward, and find a guy who is more deserving of you.

Hope this helps.

Edited by Pleasedonot5
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