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When do you give up on a job?


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When do you feel its time to give up and retreat as a leader. 

I'm looking for relatable thoughts. Hopefully from experience. 

I work with technology in a senior leadership role.  I have a handful of great concerns. All of them have me frustrated enough to impact my sleep and normal life. I feel powerless to change any of them and I'm at the end of my rope. They are based around my boss who is a micromanager, shows favoritism towards one of my peers, discrimination, doesn't care about employee burnout by praising those who work lots of overtime, inexperienced, and unreasonable to adjust and change. 

My primary concern is my people. Morale means more to me than anything else. I don't want them stressed. I don't want them fearful of losing their jobs, the future, or how the people they lead are impacted. I feel powerless to do anything. It frustrates and angers me. Worrying about how this tears down their psyches, their personal lives, goals, etc. 

Not to mention, all of this has affected me. My mental health is also hit. Along with my morale worrying about my people, then myself. I find myself tapped emotionally. Targeted, but I don't want to really get into that. I literally think about this all the time. I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about work frustrations. 

I feel like giving up. But I also feel like if I give up, I'm abandoning my people and silly as it sounds a fear of feeling like I lost. 

Not sure that makes sense. 

Ive raised concerns to HR, internal ethics, and mildly speakijgbto a very senior leader. Ill admit I didn't give him all the facts, due to high level of his role. I've considered filing a discrimination claim or even hiring a lawyer. But that all seems like a challenge in itself, since I've never done that. 

For those of you who have been in this situation or similar. What did you do?  Did you give up?  Did you keep trying?  I'm willing to keep fighting, but unsure where that line should be drawn. 

I will say I have secured a very high paying, consultant project manager cyber security role. It pays very well, but it's in an industry I've never touched in project management. Cyber security. It was my intent to try and work this in the evenings as a second job, to get my mind off of my main role.  Which is not as a dedicated PM.  So I have concerns around that potentially just doing that. 

Honestly seeking some experienced insight. 

 

Edited by LostSpartan
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4 hours ago, LostSpartan said:

I will say I have secured a very high paying, consultant project manager cyber security role. 

Take the new job and end on professional and good terms.

 Stewing and seething about suing, proving discrimination, and blaming work for your mental health is ironically causing your issues.

You're throwing a lot of words around like "discrimination", " mental health", "lawyers", etc.

If it's toxic for you, resign. Get your resume updated.

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This is a lot for you-and for many people- to handle.

If speaking to HR or a higher-ups didn't help, it's time to move on. You can't save people and they don't depend on you for their life. Just as much as you deal with it, they'll find their way to do so too.

I suggest you take that new role and take a break from all this (resign,yes). An emotional break seems well needed here so that you can recharge and learn any lessons. You need some time to heal.

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6 hours ago, LostSpartan said:

I've considered filing a discrimination claim or even hiring a lawyer.

Discrimination is a very difficult thing to prove, and (believe it or not) it actually tends to make you look like the one who is prejudiced. Yes, some people do discriminate. But you will never, ever get them to admit it because they lie to themselves about it.

There are also people who aren't bigoted, but are just rotten, insecure jerks. It has nothing to do with the race, creed, or color of the people they are being jerks to. Are you certain that you can tell the difference between the two? When you claim to know another person's deepest beliefs, you are pretty much taking a prejudicial stance yourself. 

I've faced this beast myself, being a woman in a male-dominated profession. Bigotry is a form of stupidity. You wouldn't believe some of the things that I've heard, some of the ways that I've been treated. And some of the things people have said to me.... ugh. Not sexual things, just claims that some people have made about my level of understanding, my emotional capacity, and my maturity level. The way that they think there is nothing wrong with what they just said shows how stupid they are. And these are educated people!!

You can't fix stupid. You go around it. You also can't fix rotten. You throw it away.

I think that when you're waking up in the middle of the night because of this stuff, it's time to draw the line. Start looking for another job. I was in a miserable situation at my job a few months ago, and that's what I did. It really worked out for me. I am so much happier at this new job. 

Edited by Jibralta
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You have to put your own mental health above everything else.  

I have experience working as a senior level executive and I know, from time to time short term stress is part of the job. There's a lot happening at any given time. 

But there must be an end game strategy regarding when this will end. It's not part of a successful business as usual state.

I am going to encourage you to leave this job, take the other job. So what if it's not your wheelhouse. Yet!

Let go of the stress and focus on the new. Doing both with spread you too thin. You're already too stressed out with one job.  Makes zero sense to add to it.

You've have had some career success, obviously. companies are willing to hire you.  Why can't you trust yourself to take a leap of faith that no matter what happens, you'll find away to take care of yourself. 

If you don't feel that describes you,  why not?

Why are dedicating your health to work? 

You need to get your priorities straight. When you have you priorities straight, there are no regrets.  Sure you might make a mistake but not really because you staying true to your priorities. So mistakes are really just set backs, learning opportunities and part of your journey.

The best career advice I can give is- work is not personal. You have to take your emotions out, see things for what they are, and act accordingly. 

 

Edited by Lambert
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Your real issue can be boiled down to something that is as common as rain on Sunday - I hate and don't get along with my boss, the a hole who is favoring someone else over me.

The rest is just your own hyper competitive nature and ego. You see this whole thing not as a job but as a win/lose competition that you've framed for yourself as, "you win if you get him punished or fired and you lose if you just step away and get a different job."

Here is the funny thing - nobody gives a flying rat's rear end about your imaginary competition. Not the company, not your boss, not your boss's boss, not even the employees beneath you. If they are not happy, they'll quit and go work somewhere else. That is THE remedy for bad bosses and sh$tty workplaces. So stop patronizing those who work under you. They are adults who actually know what they are doing and if they are putting up with that environment, they have their own ulterior motives for that.

If you don't like the company, the culture, your boss, etc - get a new job. It seems you are more than capable. Stop pretending to be caring when it's really just a pi..ing contest with your boss.

Also, you spoke to a senior executive but you didn't tell them everything because...gosh they are sooo senior and sooo important? Come on now, what kind of absurd games are you playing? You are not that green and naive being in senior management yourself. Stop this nonsense and get out before they get rid of you.

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On 6/22/2021 at 7:40 AM, Lambert said:

You have to put your own mental health above everything else.  

I have experience working as a senior level executive and I know, from time to time short term stress is part of the job. There's a lot happening at any given time. 

But there must be an end game strategy regarding when this will end. It's not part of a successful business as usual state.

I am going to encourage you to leave this job, take the other job. So what if it's not your wheelhouse. Yet!

Let go of the stress and focus on the new. Doing both with spread you too thin. You're already too stressed out with one job.  Makes zero sense to add to it.

You've have had some career success, obviously. companies are willing to hire you.  Why can't you trust yourself to take a leap of faith that no matter what happens, you'll find away to take care of yourself. 

If you don't feel that describes you,  why not?

Why are dedicating your health to work? 

You need to get your priorities straight. When you have you priorities straight, there are no regrets.  Sure you might make a mistake but not really because you staying true to your priorities. So mistakes are really just set backs, learning opportunities and part of your journey.

The best career advice I can give is- work is not personal. You have to take your emotions out, see things for what they are, and act accordingly. 

 

Thank you for responding with this.  

I am going to commit to your advice and put more energy into finding a new place to work.  I'm also going to put mental health and managing stress back on my priorities list.  Those are important and I guess I often forget those.  

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On 6/22/2021 at 2:37 PM, DancingFool said:

Your real issue can be boiled down to something that is as common as rain on Sunday - I hate and don't get along with my boss, the a hole who is favoring someone else over me.

The rest is just your own hyper competitive nature and ego. You see this whole thing not as a job but as a win/lose competition that you've framed for yourself as, "you win if you get him punished or fired and you lose if you just step away and get a different job."

Here is the funny thing - nobody gives a flying rat's rear end about your imaginary competition. Not the company, not your boss, not your boss's boss, not even the employees beneath you. If they are not happy, they'll quit and go work somewhere else. That is THE remedy for bad bosses and sh$tty workplaces. So stop patronizing those who work under you. They are adults who actually know what they are doing and if they are putting up with that environment, they have their own ulterior motives for that.

If you don't like the company, the culture, your boss, etc - get a new job. It seems you are more than capable. Stop pretending to be caring when it's really just a pi..ing contest with your boss.

Also, you spoke to a senior executive but you didn't tell them everything because...gosh they are sooo senior and sooo important? Come on now, what kind of absurd games are you playing? You are not that green and naive being in senior management yourself. Stop this nonsense and get out before they get rid of you.

I never considered that I was looking at this as a competition but after reading your reply several times, I agree with you.  Ill take your advice as well.  Thank you. 

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It seems you've answered your own question and already secured your next job. 

You know when it's time to move on when your current job isn't working for you anymore. 

I wouldn't work two jobs otherwise you'll burnout quickly.

My advice to you would be not to burn your bridges and depart on very respectfully kind terms.  There is a way to leave on a good note.  No matter what, always show respect in all you do and you will be fine. 

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