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toolegit
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I have a ethics question. 

I met my ex about 4 years ago when him and his now ex wife got a divorce. She also met someone new. My ex John and his ex wife Sarah had 2 kids together, John and Sarah wanted to me and the Guy Nick to be as involved as possible with the kids and we all where. it all went great until me and John broke up in January he said "he used me to get over Sarah" withing a week he had someone new move in. I decided to back of in seeing the kids because it was to hard for me I haven't seen them since. Sarah and Nick had broken up about 4 weeks ago. and he decided to contact me because he really missed the kids and he's been asked to never contact the kids again because Sarah is moving away with someone new. we have been talking about a lot of stuff mostly about the kids and hou we made mistakes and and he said that he wants something more than friendship and wants to start a FWB relationship and when it's done it's done but I'm afraid that we'll start feeling more for each other and won't be able to act on because of above story 

 

 

Please help

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Okay.. trying to get this right 😕 .

YOU were with a guy Nick ( for 4 yrs).. But ended things with you, admitting he was using you?

Then, he got involved with someone new for a while - but they split up recently as well?

And now, asked you back in terms for a fwb?

If anything, it is possible, only YOU will get feelings ... unless your emotions aren't in check.

It all sounds confusing & messy 😕 .. So, WHY even do this?

Do you enjoy being used? .. then tossed away?

Edited by SooSad33
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I have to admit I am having a really hard time understanding any of your post.  I can't figure out who's who and who is/was together etc etc.  I've read it a couple of times and just can't make any sense out of anything.  😕

Can you clarify a bit more - maybe use bullet points to break it up a bit?

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8 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

YOU were with a guy Nick ( for 4 yrs).. But ended things with you, admitting her was using you?

 

You dont follow the drama properly: John is ex. Nick is Johns ex wife ex. So she wants FWB with her ex ex wifes ex. Damn, like Latino soap opera

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3 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

You dont follow the drama properly: John is ex. Nick is Johns ex wife ex. So she wants FWB with her ex ex wifes ex. Damn, like Latino soap opera

Oh, did I get it wrong? 😕 

Sorry, I still don't get it....

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11 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

Oh, did I get it wrong? 😕 

Sorry, I still don't get it....

From what I get it:

She(OP) dated John who has an ex wife Sarah and 2 kids

Sarah dated Nick guy

OP and John broke up. Sarah broke up with Nick. So now OP and Nick want FWB thing. 

I mean maybe OP wants to clarify better. But that is what i understand from this story

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16 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

OP and John broke up. Sarah broke up with Nick. So now OP and Nick want FWB thing. 

I mean maybe OP wants to clarify better. But that is what i understand from this story

Ohh k ... So, I still suggest NO to getting involved with the guy (although, not sure how long Sarah & John were involved) .. Not even sure that matters 😕 .

I would not exactly want to get involved to anyone this closelt involved!

Why make anything more awkward than it is already...

How about some down time ( for everyone).. get your head on straight and not use anyone, kinda thing?

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Hey, OP. Sorry you are dealing with a break-up and complicated FWB preposition.

A FWB with Nick would not seem to break any ethical rules. You are, after all, a single woman. And he is a single man. But it may not be smart to become involved with him. You'll stay attached to all that drama. You'll hear his side of the story, which may make it more difficult for you to move on. Additionally, you may be drawn into more drama if John and/or Sarah find out. 

There are plenty of men out there that would be just as fun with a quarter of the drama/potential for heartache. 

___

Quote

Damn, like Latino soap opera

ayyyy caramba!

For those confused, maybe this will help:

  • OP - the hero of our story. Dated John after John and Sarah divorced. Eventually, OP and John broke up. Now, Nick has prepositioned OP for a FWB.
  • John - Sarah's ex-husband. Father of children. John dated OP after Sarah and he divorced.
  • Sarah - John's ex-wife. Mother of children. After she and John divorced, Sarah dated Nick.
  • Nick - Sarah's boyfriend after she divorced John. Sarah and Nick eventually broke up. It sounds messy, because Sarah forbade Nick from seeing the children. Now, Nick wants a FWB with OP.
Edited by Pleasedonot5
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Haha. Maybe this will help instead:

Timeline:

  • John and Sarah marry one another. They have babies, then divorce. 
  • OP dates John. Sarah dates Nick. 
  • OP and John break up. Months later, Sarah and Nick break up. 
  • OP and Nick talk about their break-ups. Then, Nick prepositions OP for a FWB.

If this doesn't work, I give up!! 😂 (just teasing).

Edited by Pleasedonot5
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16 minutes ago, Pleasedonot5 said:

Haha. Maybe this will help instead:

Timeline:

  • John and Sarah marry one another. They have babies, then divorce. 
  • OP dates John. Sarah dates Nick. 
  • OP and John break up. Months later, Sarah and Nick break up. 
  • OP and Nick talk about their break-ups. Then, Nick prepositions OP for a FWB.

If this doesn't work, I give up!! 😂 (just teasing).

Holy cow, you're goood!! 😄  Thank you.  Yes, it did help and I think I've finally got it. Hallelujah!  😂

OP, if I understand everything correctly, I would head in the opposite direction, but that's just me, lol.

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What's the ethics question?

If you're talking about right and wrong, I don't think it's wrong to be with Nick if that's what you want but bear in mind that both of you are fresh out of relationships and still recovering from your break ups. It's natural to feel vulnerable or overwhelmed or confused. 

If what you're worried about is falling in love I think you're putting the cart before the horse. That is way too far ahead. I don't see the others caring either considering the way you know each other and Sarah has moved on.

Having casual sex with someone you know when you're not in the right head space will likely lead to more confusion later on. It's not so much a question of ethics as it is more a question of whether you are tempted to be intimate with someone or whether you'd rather spend your time on you (focusing only on you instead of anyone else). You can choose which you'd prefer more of. 

 

 

Edited by Rose Mosse
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Whose kids are they? If they're not yours, stay out of it.

On/off relationships are conflicted, messy and full of headaches heartaches and drama.

Cease contact with your ex. Get rid of the current BF. " Nick", "John", whoever.

This musical chairs game with you and your exes and their exes and their kids is bad for everyone involved.

Delete and block the all of them and date people who are free and clear to date who aren't into this drama.

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Omg. What a mess.

OP RUN to the hills. Stay out of this drama and find better men. You don't need to be anyone's rebound-again. You are repeating what happened with John. Nick will use you until he gets over his ex and move on with life. You might -most probably- catch feelings and get hurt in the process.

Protect yourself, listen to your brain, and find men who won't use you as rebound. And, forget the ethics here, it's not even about that.

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Both your relationships are over so you can have sex with whomever you want. You are adults, you can make your own choices. If you would like to enjoy a FWB with Nick, then go for it. No one really has to know about it. You can keep it between you two.

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Technically, you and Nick can do what you want. You are both free agents and I don’t think you owe your ex anything after he admitted using you and then moved on so quickly. Neither  do I think Nick owes the ex-wife anything seeing as she so cold-heartedly cut him out of the children’s lives after making him a part of it.
 

That said, I don’t think you should enter into a FWB situation with Nick. Firstly, it doesn’t sound as though it’s for you and, secondly, you should walk away from anything to do with John and Sarah and move on completely. 
 

If you are looking for something more, I would wait until you meet someone who is willing to give you more and put this drama to bed.

Edited by Blue68
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