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Confused by mixed signals from my (17M) GF (17F)


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I've been dating my girlfriend for a couple of month now and everything is going really good. We're each other's firsts. Before we started dating, we were really close friends for over a year. Most things have been going pretty well but there've been some things I've noticed that make me insecure / confused.

Since we've started dating, we've only been able to meet up twice because of the pandemic and strict parents. Both times, I felt that she was really nervous around me and didn't feel comfortable holding my hand. But then again, she was fine with playing with my hair and teasing me. IDK, just some incongruence and missed signals, I guess? Over FT, she would want to do everything with me and tell me every little secret over text and ft but could barely talk in person. How can I make her more comfortable and make things more touchy the next time we meet up? Thoughts?

Secondly, I get really jealous of her guy friends. She pretty much ONLY has guy friends and a couple (and probably most) are interested in her. I know she picked me but I still get really jealous when she talks about them or to them a lot. I know I offer her more than they can but it still gets to me. I'm fine with her having only guy friends short term. But since we both see this relationship as long term, I would be much happier if she had a more mixed friend group (more girlfriends). Thoughts? Her reasons for not having girlfriends is because girls are "scary and hard to approach"

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You need to be accepting of her life & choices.  Sometimes gals seem to favour guy friends as somewhat easier to deal with ( like she said).  Not all her friends are guys, I hope?

You've known her at least a year?  yes, she chose you to date, not them. So, try to see it as that ( If you have insecurities at this time, does this mean you don't trust her) .. this is not a good thing.  ( Do you know her well enough to know she does not cheat? )  Not everyone out there cheats.

As for this being 'long term', this is ONLY if you two are actually able to let this grow and learn how to work together, etc.  Has only been a cpl months.. this is just the start.  Takes much patience & work to have it succeed in long term.. yet, here you are with concerns, already . 😕 

Re: how she acts around you.. give it some more time.  Let things go with the flow.  Don't have high expectations, just yet.  It's all new for the both of you. (although, can be tricky when you get involved with a 'friend').

Is a test of time in this... I suggest IF she still cannot be truly 'comfortable' with you in another month or so, maybe she just can't, which may be because she can only see you as a 'friend', no more.

Edited by SooSad33
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24 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Are you excusive? Just pull back and forget about her friends and who she texts. You're suffocating her and that kills attraction.

Yes, we are. I don't suffocate her because I never bring this up with her at all.

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32 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

As for this being 'long term', this is ONLY if you two are actually able to let this grow and learn how to work together, etc.  Has only been a cpl months.. this is just the start.  Takes much patience & work to have it succeed in long term.. yet, here you are with concerns, already . 😕 

Re: how she acts around you.. give it some more time.  Let things go with the flow.  Don't have high expectations, just yet.  It's all new for the both of you. (although, can be tricky when you get involved with a 'friend').

Is a test of time in this... I suggest IF she still cannot be truly 'comfortable' with you in another month or so, maybe she just can't, which may be because she can only see you as a 'friend', no more.

She says that she sees a future with me.

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Is she ok if you are texting and hanging out with girls that are interested in you?

I see this double-standard a lot...

Regarding how things were when you met during the pandemic, I think it just shows she is introverted that's all, maybe a bit shy, but that should get better the more you guys hang out...

Edited by mical
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18 minutes ago, RosesHurt said:

She says that she sees a future with me.

With all due respect, at age 17 there is a huge chance that neither one of you will be together in the future.  Between 17 and 27 there's a good chance that both of you could have 2-3 relationships, if not more.

"How can I make her more comfortable and make things more touchy the next time we meet up? Thoughts?"

If she has already shown that she is nervous around you and not comfortable holding your hand, then it is best to hold off with getting "more touchy" at this point.

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My mantra for dealing with difficult situations in a relationship is "communicate, stupid." I find that direct, respectful, and solution-oriented communication solves most relationship problems. I think that would apply to her different levels of openness when electronic versus in-person.

One caveat:

Quote

Secondly, I get really jealous of her guy friends. She pretty much ONLY has guy friends and a couple (and probably most) are interested in her. I know she picked me but I still get really jealous when she talks about them or to them a lot. I know I offer her more than they can but it still gets to me. I'm fine with her having only guy friends short term. But since we both see this relationship as long term, I would be much happier if she had a more mixed friend group (more girlfriends). Thoughts? Her reasons for not having girlfriends is because girls are "scary and hard to approach"

You are being unreasonable here, imo. It's one thing to feel jealousy; it's another to control the gender/sex of your girlfriend's friends.

Why not find out the reasons you feel this jealousy so strongly despite being her guy, and why is not being her choice enough? Do you think she's going to leave you for them?

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