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1 minute ago, LaHermes said:

And while you are at it tell him to grow up!  

Confrontation is not one of my best traits.

I either get defensive, say something stupid and regret later or i get excessive emotional and cry

I guess i will maintain some gap with him virtually ofcourse

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Thank you everybody for replying to this.

I was feeling too weighed down over this topic and didnt know who to turn to. It feels good to be listened to and thank you for understanding my perspective and advicing me.

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You do not have to confront.

Just tell him it is over. Calmly and clearly.  No need for argument or discussion.  No need to feline-foot (lol) around the matter.

And forget "gaps".   And he needs to understand, for his own sake, that respect is most important both in business and in relationships. 

Edited by LaHermes
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11 minutes ago, Kinza123 said:

I will have a talk with him and breakup in person

While never quite happy to hear about a break up, I am boggled by his reaction. Is this a management position? 

No need to be unkind when breaking up or say too much.  You both shared 2 years together so it will still hurt. I wouldn't reference the recent situation. Keep it civil so you can remain colleagues and not have to avoid each other terribly after this. He's insecure as it is so keep it brlef and the focus on you - that you need to focus on your life.

 

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1 minute ago, Rose Mosse said:

While never quite happy to hear about a break up, I am boggled by his reaction. Is this a management position? 

No need to be unkind when breaking up or say too much.  You both shared 2 years together so it will still hurt. I wouldn't reference the recent situation. Keep it civil so you can remain colleagues and not have to avoid each other terribly after this. He's insecure as it is so keep it brlef and the focus on you - that you need to focus on your life.

 

Yes...sort of mid management

Yeah it will be very civil and hopefully mess-free

It will definitely hurt...and i know i m going to get second thoughts on it after the breakup

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1 minute ago, Kinza123 said:

i know i m going to get second thoughts on it after the breakup

Don't even go there, K.  Try not to give this stuff space in your mind.  Find interesting things to keep you occupied, even try something new that you always wanted to do but never tried. 

Life is for living, not looking back. 

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4 minutes ago, LaHermes said:

You do not have to confront.

Just tell him it is over. Calmly and clearly.  No need for argument or discussion.  No need to feline-foot (lol) around the matter.

And forget "gaps".   And he needs to understand, for his own sake, that respect is most important both in business and in relationships. 

Yes...i m not a kind of woman who asks much. I keep things simple. All i ever wanted from him was respect and love.

I dont why its so hard to get it. Will i ever get the person who'd love, respect and trust me? I am tired of this already 

 

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1 minute ago, Kinza123 said:

Will i ever get the person who'd love, respect and trust me? I am tired of this already 

I have to smile. You are so young. 

Of course you will meet a man who loves and respects you. Why ever not?  There is no big hurry either. Take your time.  Enjoy your young years. 

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2 minutes ago, LaHermes said:

Don't even go there, K.  Try not to give this stuff space in your mind.  Find interesting things to keep you occupied, even try something new that you always wanted to do but never tried. 

Life is for living, not looking back. 

Hopefully i ll get over him soon

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4 minutes ago, Kinza123 said:

It will definitely hurt...and i know i m going to get second thoughts on it after the breakup

Ok, all breakups hurt. However staying with a petty envious man hurts a lot more in the long run. After you talk to trusted friends and family, end it.

Do Not breakup in person. That will cause more hurt, drama and with a man like this, possibly a very bad reaction.

If you want "mess-free", then tell him the distance hasn't been working then delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps.

Don't be someone who's in love with the idea of being in love when ugly facts are right in front of you.

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Just now, LaHermes said:

I have to smile. You are so young. 

Of course you will meet a man who loves and respects you. Why ever not?  There is no big hurry either. Take your time.  Enjoy your young years. 

It might sound stupid but i had this notion that i will be married by 30...i m turning 30 next year. I want to relax in the arms of person i love....but here i am busy consoling myself.

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4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok, all breakups hurt. However staying with a petty envious man hurts a lot more in the long run. After you talk to trusted friends and family, end it.

Do Not breakup in person. That will cause more hurt, drama and with a man like this, possibly a very bad reaction.

If you want "mess-free", then tell him the distance hasn't been working then delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps.

Don't be someone who's in love with the idea of being in love when ugly facts are right in front of you.

I feel breaking over phone is immature.

I dont want to involve my friends or family in it, i'd like to deal with it with the help of online community (since i m a very private person, i'd tell friends & family that i broke up but unable to open up to them)

Yeah there is no point of being in touch with him after i breakup

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5 minutes ago, Kinza123 said:

I feel breaking over phone is immature.

I dont want to involve my friends or family in it, i'd like to deal with it with the help of online community (since i m a very private person, i'd tell friends & family that i broke up but unable to open up to them)

Yeah there is no point of being in touch with him after i breakup

I think you do need to let him know that this isn't working for you anymore and yes, do it over the phone because of distance. Only then decide if you two still want to travel and meet face to face for closure. He might not want to.

You may also find that he is not going to be happy with traveling to see you only to get dumped by you. That's not very nice or very mature and it is wasting someone's time and resources for nothing. Same goes even if you do the traveling to him. He may clear his schedule to see you only for what?

Be honest and give him a proper heads up and then decide if seeing each other is something either one of you really wants to do.

Break ups are break ups. The only immature thing to do is to string the person along promising to stay friends and hoping that you'll change your mind and come back to them. That is not just immature, it's pretty cruel.

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Does this guy make a habit of just volunteering completely unnecessary, steaming piles of awful takes?  Like yeah, his opinions are bad enough on their own, but the results aren't even in yet.  Dude's really determined to make sure he doesn't come in a second late for an opportunity to berate you.  There are so many layers of petty to peel there.  

A lot of folks have provided some great comments with regard to the misogyny and lack of mutual respect.  What I'll chime in with is that more generally, it's a huge red flag when somebody sees someone they claim to love enjoying success or have something good happen to them, only to not just think, but express themselves cynically in response to it.  Being married now, what benefits myself or my wife tends to residually benefit the other anyhow, but beforehand, I never had a feeling of somehow having been slighted whenever she happened upon a happy surprise or good opportunity for herself.  It always weirds me out when I see supposed partners jealous or bitter over the other's benefit.  It's very "misery loves company."

And especially here, he's put you in a position where you can't "win" with regard to your relationship.  Even in the ideal case you both get the promotion, he's already denied you your merits.  If you get it and he doesn't, he'll be even further embittered.  If he gets it and you don't, in his mind he'll have somehow dunked on the matriarchy, and-- again, in his mind-- you're such a novice you couldn't even get it despite being a broad living life on easy mode.  That he'd spit out the initial rant was a bad enough look.  That he's turned it into a theme throws away any vaguely good faith you might extend that it was just a bad moment rather than a sincerely internalized opinion and attitude.  

 

Edited by j.man
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